No. 27 — Spontaneous Healing with Brandy Gilmartin
I love a Love Story. When I heard through the (fourth-line) grapevine that my 4/6 friend Brandy's mysterious health symptoms had disappeared after her recent separation, my ears felt like they perked up ten inches.
As a Shores Person, Brandy Gilmartin has created a whole other world through her entrepreneurship skills, crafting Inner Space — a gym for your insides — a brick-and-mortar location full of light and sound therapies, zero body floats, salt lounges and more. She's well-versed in paying attention to her body's symptoms; she's even made a living out of helping others do the same.
But sometimes we require radical transformation in a major area of our life, and making such dramatic shifts can only happen through divine timing. We can't force things before we're ready, and we can't bump into a new opportunity before it lines up.
Brandy wasn't expecting to separate from her husband of 11 years, bump into a WOMAN, and find herself reviewing all her previously conceived notions about Love and Relationships.
There is a classic story of emerging queerness that comes out of the deconditioning process. As we detangle from forced principles and ideologies, we become more empowered to choose ourselves, choose our people, and choose our families based on the newly excavated morals and values we are cultivating.
Here's Brandy's Human Design Colour Palette:
BRANDY GILMARTIN
Design Type: 4/6 MANIFESTING GENERATOR
Colour Palette: Thirst / Shores / Probability / Desire
Find Brandy at:
Website
Instagram
Inner Space Instagram
TikTok
Podcast
Brandy Gilmartin: 0:00
I would notice, though it would should have been my first like aha, which I just thought it felt nice, but like Andy would leave for like a week for work or go somewhere, and I would feel like a whole different person. But I was just like, yeah —
Vaness Henry: 0:15
Because this is normal! Everyone feels like this!
Brandy Gilmartin: 0:18
No, I literally would like be symptom-free, everything free —
Vaness Henry: 0:24
wow, wow
Brandy Gilmartin: 0:25
Yeah. And when he would leave… I'm like what is going on?
Vaness Henry: 0:34
It's Vaness Henry. You're listening to InSights, my private podcast exclusively for community members like you. Here's my latest insight. I'm very excited about my chat today. I've invited Brandy onto the show to share a little bit of a love story slash health story that I heard through the grapevine or the fourth line network and I found it to be very inspiring and very, very moving.
Vaness Henry: 1:06
Brandy is a four- six, pure, manifesting generator beautiful, totally open head. She happens to be a shores person, which I love. We resonate with shores and she's a thirst eater, so she feeds on that hot goss, that thirsty energy, and with shores and thirst brandy, I have like memories carved in a view that I've just seen online of you in pools like, ah yes, like feeding myself, bathing myself, just like living it up. You give mermaid energy every time I see you with this beautiful hair. So welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. Would you give me a little update? 4-6 Profile. You've been on the roof for a while. You have a 14-year-old child. There has recently been a relationship switch up, a big environment change. Any type of environment change is like I moved or my job changed or my primary relationship changed. Would you enlighten me? What happened here? What went down?
Brandy Gilmartin: 2:03
What went down? Well, I was married for almost eight years to my ex-husband, Andy. He's amazing. We had a very interesting relationship. Now reflecting back, it was just about how we could grow together. We were perfect people to meet up and grow together and learn together. And I have channel struggle. So sometimes I think it needs to be more difficult than it does. And you know other stories and patterns that I have through life that told me like that's the, you know he was the safe one, he was the protector. You know we hear those things healers need protectors, all of those things. And pause, yeah.
Vaness Henry: 2:44
What did you need protecting from? Because you obviously had some life before you met him, because eight years you're with him. For eight years, I just said your son is 14.
Brandy Gilmartin: 2:52
Well, we were together for 11, but I had, yeah, we were married for eight. Yeah, my son is with another guy that uh funny story about him. I walked into a bar one night and I saw these like piercing blue eyes from across the bar.
Vaness Henry: 3:06
And that's your son.
Brandy Gilmartin: 3:07
Yeah, I turned to my girlfriend and I said I'm going to have that man's babies, and I was just joking. And then a couple, like a month later, we started dating. I didn't even know who he was. But yeah, that's my, my son's dad. Well, pause pause, pause.
Vaness Henry: 3:23
Brilliant moment. Shores person with a sense of inner vision in the environment. What an example of walking into an aligned space and seeing clearly. Yeah, even if it's like I don't know why. I like I locked into something, happened to be these blue eyes, and a little spell is cast. I'm going to have that guy's kid one day.
Brandy Gilmartin: 3:42
Love that. Okay, it's specifically his eyes, and it's funny because my son has blue eyes. I have brown eyes, I'm native, so I thought that would trump everything. You know all the my lineage of brown eyes. And then I delivered this little white baby blue eyes.
Vaness Henry: 3:59
This is a common story, though. You know, like my growing up, my, my closest girlfriend was a little black girl, okay, and she was like convinced that she was like destined to have this like black babies, Okay she married a white guy.
Vaness Henry: 4:12
She gave birth to a blonde hair, blue eyed baby and she was like. Never in the world would I have predicted that this would happen to me. Her second baby comes out black. Yeah, black hair, like looks like the sister, sister, but the coloring is just darkened. It's fascinating. I love that shit like you never know how we're gonna come out when we mix, you know anyway.
Brandy Gilmartin: 4:32
I even had a different name picked out for him and so, and then when he came out, I was like you were not that like. Also, I saw you come out of my body. I know you're mine, but you have this like strawberry, blonde hair, blue eyes and you're as white as a sheet of paper. I'm very confused.
Vaness Henry: 4:49
And he's actually to look at him. His eyes are striking feature. It's like funny that you know. It's like Whoa, that kid's eyes are absolutely beautiful yeah. Okay, anyway, so we had a little journey there I had this beautiful little love story that's created this incredible human. Something obviously happened in that time, because then we were seeking a partner that made us feel safe.
Brandy Gilmartin: 5:06
Yeah, my son's father and I we broke up, found out I was pregnant a week later, just decided to co-parent. We've co-parented since and when Andy, my ex husband, and I were always friends, even when Weston was born, and I just always like cared for him and he's a projector, by the way I always felt like he was the odd one and so I would invite him to things and ask him to come, you know, hang out, because it's like nobody was, he wasn't initiating, but I felt like kind of sorry for him because not sorry for him and like I know you mean it's like yeah why aren't you putting yourself out there?
Brandy Gilmartin: 5:45
Nobody's asking you to go, let's go, you know. And so, and actually I had hooked him up with a couple of friends of mine to like go out with because I was like he's a great guy Been there been there.
Vaness Henry: 5:55
That's a move we all do before we have figured out if we're into them.
Brandy Gilmartin: 6:08
Hey, go try my friend. Yeah, and so one night he invited me over for a game night with some friends and we had too much to drink and the rest was history.
Vaness Henry: 6:11
From there, let the walls down, the connection happened and yeah, projector mg cool pairing, yeah, you know. Yeah, projector power, yeah, with that sacred, so okay, so you have this beautiful relationship also. You start this business in that time. Innerspace, I think, is one of the coolest places that I've ever heard of. You have some. I love that. You say it's a gym for your insides and it's just full of what I would call metaphysical awareness building, engaging material to experiment with. Right so, light therapy, water therapy, sound therapy, salt cave rooms. This is, this is a vibe, brandy, like very, very cool and it sounds like this. You started building this while you were with Andy.
Brandy Gilmartin: 6:57
Yes, so I did hair for 15 years and when I was with Andy I did hair. We went to a mastermind in Texas and I came. When I was there I did some ecstatic dance move. Some energy in my body that had been stuck in stagnant went back to my. After that ecstatic dance literally had like this information write it down on a piece of paper.
Brandy Gilmartin: 7:17
I said notebook. I drew it out. It needs to be between five and 6,000 square feet, it has to have this, this and this. And so I looked at Andy and he was always super supportive. So his only channel is um, why can't I think of his only?
Vaness Henry: 7:30
channel community. It's gone, it's not needed. But channel community 3740 channel community.
Brandy Gilmartin: 7:39
Okay, we're supportive of everything you know channel, yeah. And so I said I need to build this. And he's like cool, how are you going to pay for? Yeah. And so I said I need to build this. And he's like cool, how are you going to pay for it? And I literally heard like just start. So and he was used to me. You know, I have the 3410, I'm gonna, I'm doing what I want. Like if I'm responding to something, I'm I'm doing it. And he had undefined g, so he was on my ride. You know I have some guilt about that. You know, kind of feeling like it was kind of my, it was just kind of like whatever I wanted to do.
Vaness Henry: 8:12
I feel that way with my husband sometimes, you know and I'm like I'm doing what I want to find heart stuff, you know. I'm doing I want, come or don't come. But then it's like I love you so I want you to succeed, you know.
Brandy Gilmartin: 8:24
Yeah, yeah, I feel that, I feel that. So, um, yeah, he was super supportive and helping me get inner space started. And especially when I walked up to him and I said I have to quit my job because I can't do the job and build this, and so I took a, you know, financially for me I, you know, it's kind of like Ooh, swallow my, my pride, because I was used to. Money comes easy to me when, whatever I'm doing and so to like let go of my stream of income, one of my streams of income, I was like Ooh just like, was like primarily hair or what.
Vaness Henry: 8:58
Yeah, hair, yeah, yeah, you know I was raised by a hairstylist and really really grew up in the hair environment and one of the the earliest takeaways for me that I noticed was the how much my mom was really just giving therapy to people. Oh, hell, yeah, I think it is. I think it is straight up therapy. You go five to six weeks or you know what I mean. You go and I could just see the unburdening that would come from people or the transformation in their appearance and how it made them feel so they were always leaving like uplifted. Really impacted me and my mom when a lot was changing in her midlife. You know she, for her, lost a parent or lost her partner, then lost her parent, then her kid became sick.
Vaness Henry: 9:43
It was so much like instability and she was like trying to do other jobs as well, and something that she had said that really stuck with me is like it's really hard for me to leave hair because it's so easy for me to go make money with it. It's always been there for me. I'm confident there and I heard myself in that with me, with writing, like I was like okay, well, what were my skill, what's my trade. And growing up, you know, like after I was fully kind of freelance, it was like I'll go write a story, I'll pick up a gig for this, and it's you. She showed me that there's safety in the skill or something you know, and I can imagine that if you're moving away from that, trying to do something else, that there's this adjustment period of figuring, of trusting yourself or surrendering or whatever it is, but you also kind of always have something that you could fall back on in case of emergency, and so there's something that's like confidence building from that. You know Absolutely.
Brandy Gilmartin: 10:35
Yeah, and I my attention to detail and I could utilize that and I could. I like to make things better and I could always do that in that. But to cut myself off from it, I did not renew my license intentionally because I said I don't. I don't want to feel like I have that to fall back on. You know the push I got to trust myself. I love it. Yeah, exactly, it was like time to renew. I'm like done, I'm done with that.
Vaness Henry: 11:01
Well, and are you going on the roof at this point in your life? Yes, yeah, it's like Saturn return. I got to cut off that energy.
Brandy Gilmartin: 11:08
Yeah, okay, yep, I met Andy around the age or not met him, so we started dating around 27. So then in that next year, saturn return, which is when I incurred some health things which are typical because I'm a six line body.
Vaness Henry: 11:25
but my ears are freaking up, brandy. What happened at the Saturn return?
Brandy Gilmartin: 11:29
This is where you know like this is where the story starts going. Okay, andy and I started dating in April. We moved in together in August or September I think it was August and we knew each other for a very long time, you know as friends, so it felt like easy, comfortable, yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 11:48
And also like, yeah, inner vision. Right, I'm not inner vision, I'm inner vision in my environment. But it's like I see us working together and that's kind of hard for me, because I'll see the thing and I'm like, well, let's just fucking do it. What are we waiting for, right?
Vaness Henry: 12:01
Cause who knows the timing or the timeline? I'm just happy to be seeing it.
Brandy Gilmartin: 12:04
Yeah, good point. I'm like what? Are we just gonna sit here and wait?
Vaness Henry: 12:10
I didn't know about human design, yeah and that doesn't strike me as your character, though, brandy, right like you go after things like yes, you're responding to things, but you're, you're all that hunter energy, right?
Brandy Gilmartin: 12:21
yeah, and he maybe isn't, and that's why you were a match and it's a lot of the times me telling it's like what I see is I know it's going to happen, so like let's just do it now. So when we moved in together, mg.
Vaness Henry: 12:32
Hey, I know, I saw it. Let's do it, we're going love it.
Brandy Gilmartin: 12:37
So we, uh we moved in together and about a month and a half later, one evening after being intimate, I felt like my insides had broken. I was laying in bed and I felt this incredible pain in my pelvis and I was like, oh my God, I don't know what this is, and Andy was asleep. So I went downstairs and I went to the bathroom and I was sitting on the toilet because it was the only thing that made me feel better. No, maybe it was a couple months. Maybe it wasn't like six weeks.
Vaness Henry: 13:11
Maybe it was because you had an impactful moment where you all of a sudden had some sacral pain. That's what I'm hearing. Something happened, so but it happened somewhere in this timing of the relationship I remember it was.
Brandy Gilmartin: 13:22
We had been dating long enough for me to recognize a feeling that I had. I felt like rectal pressure and I was like I had this feeling when I had a baby. And so here's me sitting on a toilet at like 2.30 in the morning thinking that I'm having a baby, that I don't Labor yeah, yeah, I'm like because it's exactly what it felt like, right, yeah, and at some point I kind of like passed in and out and I was sitting on the toilet and I came back to and I was fine and I was like what the heck was that? So I called my midwife, who did my well woman care in the morning and she said sounds like you had an ovarian cyst. I went in and had an ultrasound and they confirmed that an ovarian cyst had ruptured and I had never had anything like that before. So I was like, oh, okay, wow.
Brandy Gilmartin: 14:08
My midwife then recommended that I cut gluten. Okay, so that kind of sent me on this rabbit hole of like she's like you should cut out gluten. And that was kind of a cosmic joke, because then, like six weeks later, andy was like diagnosed with Crohn's Crohn's and so he had to cut out gluten also. But I started to just notice all of these like health things. You know this was, you know, 12 years ago, when, like autoimmune stuff was not talked about, not talked about. You know, it was just like oh, whatever. So I know that everything's connected and I started to have these. You know, I was like on this health quest of fixing myself, I'm hope motivation, but I was in hardcore fixer mode. Okay, one thing to note too is Andy was guilt motivation and being in relationship with my transferred motivation really was like if one of us isn't in hope, then the other one is.
Vaness Henry: 15:09
You know it was like Good point. And something that's also really cool about your consciousness is when I'm looking at your perspective variable, it is a five, so you have that probability view and then that is then stacked with the hope, and so sometimes that can be tricky for people to understand, because they're, they would almost there's a resonance, there's a disc, but they're they're different, they transfer and I was, I was commenting on our writing notes and I was listening to you. That probability view with a sense of action underneath these can be really really detail oriented. People that kind of have the power of predictability. Right like this is likely what's going to happen or did happen on a person who happens to see things clearly when they're in an aligned environment. So I can see how all of a sudden, you get the vision you could see what would likely happen in the steps. That would be to kind of get there and then you've got to deeply trust in what might happen.
Vaness Henry: 16:00
And it could be yeah, and it could be very easy to then, well, instead of discovering something new that I've never been, well, what's the best thing that I can do? What's the best option that I got? Obviously, obviously, and that undertone of the sense of acceptance that you have is like the most evolved hope motivation that we could have. So there is this huge potential for, like, quickly seeing the path and wanting to go after it, and you've got to kind of surrender to the natural flow. I guess that takes a lot of self-trust, you know, and it's natural to you, of course, because this is the way you're, you're made. But I could easily see how that, if that trust waivers that yes, things will fall apart.
Brandy Gilmartin: 16:38
Yeah, it's when it became, when I didn't find it have self-trust right, when I was relying on things outside of myself.
Vaness Henry: 16:45
So that's what I started trying to control those external things, right? Yeah, that's what hope will do, yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 16:50
And started to, like you know that hardcore seeking energy. Because that pain that I felt when that ovarian cyst ruptured, I was like I never want to feel that again. What can I do? What can I reach for to make sure I never feel that again? Or what is wrong with my body? I thought I used to be of the mindset that meant something was wrong.
Brandy Gilmartin: 17:09
Right right, of course it's where we were. Yeah, that's how it was. And so, over the years of being in relationship, I just would start to develop these weird symptoms. You know, and I've always been somebody who, like I, don't look at diagnoses. I like diagnoses are groups of symptoms, right, but what's?
Vaness Henry: 17:30
causing them.
Brandy Gilmartin: 17:32
I'm like a root person, right. I'm like, yeah, you know, sure, if I put them all into Google, it's going to say MS. Or if I put it all into Google, it's going to say this you know, I don't want to do that, I want to trust myself here. Yeah, I've seen some themes, yeah, yeah, yeah and so, but it was just like this constant, like there was always something wrong. And then Andy developed Crohn's, probably celiac, didn't take the test because you have to eat wheat to take the test.
Vaness Henry: 17:59
And if any of us are not familiar with Crohn's, what is? What? Is that? Primarily, what's happening to the body when they're experiencing that it's in your intestines.
Brandy Gilmartin: 18:07
I he's a projector.
Vaness Henry: 18:08
We've said right yeah yeah, and so he.
Brandy Gilmartin: 18:12
Yeah, it started out well now with, like, looking through the lens of German new medicine is very interesting. Because he had like a fistula. It was really gnarly Okay that he didn't have surgery on. That came like out of his like colon on the side. Yeah, oh, my God, okay, he didn't have surgery on that. So it was like Painful. He got divorced and literally like tore a hole through himself after that divorce.
Brandy Gilmartin: 18:39
We start you know, there was just this, like I can see what a story, yeah, Makes sense. Like I'm like oh, there was actually like nothing wrong with you, you were healing in a way, but then us getting together, you know, it just comes down to nervous system, stuff.
Vaness Henry: 18:53
Well, and your cross of tension too. So like, if I'm hearing his story right, this is a person who was in a relationship. Perhaps a relationship wasn't as healthy for him as it needed to be. He couldn't digest it. He maintained those patterns for a long time before actually separating from this person and it did some physical harm to him in that specific area, and then he leaves that lifestyle.
Vaness Henry: 19:17
There still needs to be like recovery, calibration, integration period. He falls in love with a cross of tension who's like align this, align that, align this, align that. You know what I mean. Cross two yeah, attention to these are like the chiropractic people of our energy, right, they, you just come and engage with us and it's like you're misaligned somewhere, bitch Like, and it just, it, just. You know, I love this cross, I love this cross. And so then you guys are together, aligning each other, healing what needs to be healed.
Vaness Henry: 19:46
I get the sense that you knew you were here for a period of time, which is interesting because inner vision in the valley is a periodic sense too, right? So things will look away for a period of time and then they will not. So now it sounds like the healing that needed to happen has happened. Perhaps there were other maladies that came up in that time. Is that fair to say? So when you're with this person, you're now. I want to understand health. I'm opening this business around health. This is affecting my life in a deeper way. I'm exploring themes of self-trust. I'm a fucking parent. I got to model this to my child. You know, that's one of my main missions here, where I got to model this to my child.
Brandy Gilmartin: 20:27
You know, that's one of my main missions here. Where do things go awry? Well, I just started recognizing, I started trusting myself more. My body, right. We have these bodies, these amazing bodies that are designed to heal. They're fucking wise. And I tell people all the time that's what I do at work. I tell people all the time that's what I do at work. I tell people all the time your body's going to start talking to you. You need to listen, it's going to tap, it's going to whisper, you know, and then it's going to poke you and then it's going to knock you out. It's going to fucking shout at you if you're not listening. Yes, yeah, and while I'm telling people this, I am oblivious to my own stuff. You know, not oblivious. I have an undefined solar plexus. So I was avoiding truth right, my own truth, because I knew there was a part of me somewhere that knew what would have to happen to myself better.
Vaness Henry: 21:18
Brandy, I want to offer another way to look at this. Here You're three parts passive, three parts receptive. You know, and by the sounds of it, I think you absolutely, on some level, knew that you weren't feeling good. You might not have been consciously focusing on it, but you were saying that to everyone who came around you, probably because that's the type of environment you wanted to be in, because you knew things were going on with you that you didn't understand. Yet. Open head right.
Brandy Gilmartin: 21:41
Who knows.
Vaness Henry: 21:42
I think you were already on the journey. I think we're hearing the journey and the awareness kind of clicking in, but it sounds like your body did always know the fact that it was fucking saying that to people. It will give you a tap but you're saying that to us, because that's the essay for you. That's what you're going through. That's what you're learning how to pay attention to in yourself too. Yeah, that's very inspiring.
Brandy Gilmartin: 22:06
Yeah, it's, uh, uh, it really hit me. There's something that I've kind of tracked for like six line bodies is there's this, seven years after saturn return, where you fucking realize all of a sudden that, oh you know, and it was my 35th birthday that I had I don't call it like a meltdown I, I got a hotel by myself and I just had, like this moment where that's a, that's a meltdown.
Vaness Henry: 22:29
You had a meltdown chores, chores, thirst. You had a meltdown girl.
Brandy Gilmartin: 22:35
I was laying in a bath in a hotel room like screaming at myself what?
Vaness Henry: 22:42
was going on. Why do we have to? Why do?
Brandy Gilmartin: 22:43
we have to peace out, screaming at myself what was going on? Why do we have to? Why do we have to peace out? Well, I just needed to like when I'm by myself I can get clarity, and I just needed that to do that for my birthday. But what I realized in that moment was all these things that you know, it's the, the, my pre-sat and return things that I entered into or anything that I had entered into before, that it really like came to this forefront of like, look at yourself, like you know.
Brandy Gilmartin: 23:05
And the first thing my mind wanted to do was like how do I get out of everything? And that's not what you do. I still wait to respond to. You know, see what happens. And and then I realized there was nothing to fix except for just moving forward with awareness, right, and then practicing what I was preaching to people. And there were a few life instances that got in the way quote unquote of like how fast it took me to get to, you know, the end place of all of these realizations. But I spent thousands of dollars on supplements. I spent thousands of dollars on supplements. I spent thousands of dollars on other practitioners, on other modalities, on all of these things to make me feel better, when I just wasn't courageous enough to do this.
Brandy Gilmartin: 23:57
Look what was going on, yeah, do the thing that needed to do. I mean, it got to the point one time where I could eat like seven foods because I would have, I'd carry an EpiPen around because of histamine and hives. And I'm like, why me? Why is this Body's just freaking out? Yeah, and then I'm like telling myself I'm like, guess, I have to live this and learn this so I can teach people how to get through it. And I was, and I wasn't incorrect in that, but I wasn't get. What I was doing isn't what people what I think people need to be doing if they're in those situations or if they're having those things come up in their bodies. You know, at that time I thought I knew, you know, I was like, oh yeah, you take this supplement and you do this and you do this and it's it. There's. There's no fucking supplement in the world that can replace confronting truth in your life.
Vaness Henry: 24:43
Yeah, what did you have to confront?
Brandy Gilmartin: 24:45
The fact that I probably shouldn't have been married to a man.
Vaness Henry: 24:52
Okay.
Brandy Gilmartin: 24:52
That's pretty big deal. It's a huge deal. How did you get there? It's a huge deal. There are these little bits and pieces in your life, you know. Well, okay, I don't know everybody's life, but for my life, you know, you like cling on to an author or listen to a podcast and you're like, yeah, it's because I like that author, I like that podcast, or I like following them on social media or I like doing this, and then, like some life event happens. You're like, oh shit, all of that makes sense. Now. It's like my future self was like like this podcast, follow that. You know why am I inspired by that? So when was it? It was April of last year. I was on TikTok and I saw a TikTok of Paige Becker. She's a UConn basketball player. Okay, she carries that like big dick energy you know she's swagger.
Vaness Henry: 25:44
Okay, yeah, yeah. You have lots of swagger, that's funny that you pick up on that.
Brandy Gilmartin: 25:47
Something about her energy and I was like so I saw the TikTok I was at work and I was like, showing everybody at work, I was like this is my crush. You know, this is my question, it's her energy. I'm like, I'm not like attracted to women, it's totally just her energy, right. And so of course everybody at work knew. And then I told my husband I was like I have a crush on Paige Becker. She has this energy, she brings this energy and I'm like big dick swagger.
Brandy Gilmartin: 26:16
I'm like big dick swagger, I'm into that. Yeah, that's a crush, of course. Yes, I totally had a crush, you know. And ha ha, brandy has a you know crush on a UConn basketball player or whatever, you know. Sure, women have crushes on other women, right All the time.
Vaness Henry: 26:27
Oh, yeah, oh yeah, you know, lindy on a door, a door Can't say anything about her.
Brandy Gilmartin: 26:32
Pamela, yes, these things are normal. These things are normal. Yeah, you know, it's normal to listen to Glennon Doyle and her wife on their podcast. It's normal, like all of these things. I'm like, well, yeah, it's just a podcast, or yeah, it's just a TikTok, you know. So are you freaked?
Vaness Henry: 26:51
out in this because you're you're self-soothing and you're trying to say something to yourself. You're trying to tell yourself you're normal and nothing different or curious is going on.
Brandy Gilmartin: 26:59
Yeah yeah you're so, you're afraid but yeah, but inside I'm like I know.
Vaness Henry: 27:07
I know yeah girl inside. I know I want to flick my bean to the basketball player. You know what?
Brandy Gilmartin: 27:14
what I mean. Yeah, like inside I know Well, because you know the truth of it is like Andy and I had an amazing relationship communication. We were we're both super fucking tribal. We, you know family's very important to us, our communications on point, our personal spiritual self-development.
Vaness Henry: 27:42
This person can be amazing. And also, if you say to them I think I'm attracted to something you cannot provide me with, the most loving thing to do is well, I want you to have everything that you want and explore it. Like that's real love.
Brandy Gilmartin: 27:50
Right Well, and we only had sex like a handful of times a year.
Vaness Henry: 27:57
Okay, so the connection wasn't there and so it's not a shock then.
Brandy Gilmartin: 28:00
No.
Vaness Henry: 28:01
If it's positioned that way, yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 28:02
Right, exactly. So there were things that I was like, but also I hear people like as we get older, people are like yeah, you know, I can't, I, we, we don't have sex that often. I remember listening to a podcast where this business woman was like me and my sex, my husband have sex every day and I'm like not ever like touchy-feely with my husband. Oh, affection. I thought something was wrong with me because of like, growing up as a four, six and just like fucking around and finding out when I was younger, I thought I was like maybe I just had enough sex back then, you know, to like last me a lifetime figuring it out yeah, okay, yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 28:55
And so I was justifying all of these things, you know, and he was so patient, a lifetime Figuring it out, yeah, yeah. And so I was justifying all of these things, you know, and he was so patient with me because I would bring it up, I'd be like, maybe I don't want to have sex because I have, like, sexual trauma from having sex too young with too many people, and he was so, you know, it's valid, right, but that's not the case.
Vaness Henry: 29:17
He was a safe person though to help you figure it all out. Hey, like deeply accepting and was like, look, you're loved anyway, it doesn't matter, and that is likely what was needed in some level. Yeah, um, I, I have personal interest in the four six. Yeah, obviously, the six two. I'm a role model, hermit.
Vaness Henry: 29:29
I just shared something recently and a lot of chatter came out about you know how many hidden illnesses the six two mysteriously kind of discovers. And for comparison, the four six is the one that I track who gets the sickest? And I thought, kind of like what you alluded to, the six and the body. The body's going to go through a big transformation, but it's also the one where I've tracked the most death, not to be ominous or anything about it, but it's like it's to specifically at what you said.
Vaness Henry: 29:55
Seven years after that Saturn return, you kind of go into this trajectory of the Uranus opposition from 35 to 40, where it's you've lived some of your life. Now Are you doing what you're here to do? Are you dealing with the things that happened to you? Are you confronting those truths that you're lying to yourself about? And I think, when we don't, the four six is the example that it will take over your body. Your body can't handle it anymore, and we see a lot of illnesses at that 35 to 40 threshold where you're kind of going to that opposition, and this is where breakups happen, changes happen, careers.
Vaness Henry: 30:35
You hear like midlife crisis, but you also hear softer stories and I think it's because when we start, when we are on the roof in this example, and we are reevaluating and we are having these weird symptoms and illnesses come out, if we're paying attention, we're just learning how to communicate with this creature and like, okay, body, I'm listening and we weren't given that when we were little, and so now we become these like aware adults and we go on six signs we'll go on the roof and we're kind of vulnerable to like are you looking back and realizing you did not deserve to have that happen to you or you were that was forced on you, and there's this kind of undoing that happens and I see a lot of people, specifically in the human design space, where a queerness comes out and it's like that queerness was, was wound so tight we were not allowed to engage with that whatsoever, and queerness can look any way. It's just this natural way that is not strict with rules, not this one way. It's something curious that's gone another way.
Vaness Henry: 31:40
So when I had heard that you were having symptoms change as soon as this relationship changed, and now hearing the story of like coming together with this first partner, first long-term partner, I guess I should really say there were illnesses that came out, you know. And now you've gone into a new relationship which I wanna hear about, and you've had now symptoms shifting. You know to listen to your body, you're paying attention in a way that you've had all this training on. You've built your life around this because it's deeply important to you and now you're aware and conscious of that. What started happening as soon as you separate from Andy Well, before that.
Brandy Gilmartin: 32:14
I want to say that the past year and a half I had absolutely no energy to do anything. I was grabbing, reaching for anything I could to make me function. Why am I not, you know? And then I'd be like, oh, it's because gate 60 is hooked to my three. During this Pluto transit, I was like it was something outside of myself, that it was not me. There's no truth to confront. It's something outside of me that's making this happen, right?
Vaness Henry: 32:42
Not my fault. Not my fault, not my responsibility.
Brandy Gilmartin: 32:44
Not Okay. Yeah, I'm aloof. I'm a six on the on the roof. It's okay If I sit on the couch.
Vaness Henry: 32:49
I'm retired. Yeah, vacation mode.
Brandy Gilmartin: 32:50
Yeah, yeah, vacation, it's yeah yeah, on vacation it's fine, but it was just so fucking miserable for everybody in my house. And because then Andy was having had no energy. And that's actually how what I said to him when we, when we split, I walked in the house. One day I'll I'll rewind in a minute and tell you what, what the catalyst was. But I walked in the house. It was the end of September, right when we got after we got back from the HDHD conference in Santa Fe, after we had a great time there, and I just walked in the house and he was exhausted and it was become. It was like groundhog's day for me to be like how did you sleep? And him to say awful, and I'd be like, oh, you should try this thing, you know, try this other external thing.
Vaness Henry: 33:42
And other than talk about what's going on here, because we're just avoiding the heartbreak. Yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 33:46
So I just I said to him I said yeah, how'd you sleep? You look exhausted. He's like I am, and then just out of my mouth, straight out of my mouth goes do you think that you're exhausted? Because we're not supposed to be together and our nervous systems are so fucking taxed by trying to like hold anything together?
Vaness Henry: 34:07
and he was like said said the feeling cognition person.
Brandy Gilmartin: 34:10
Yeah, and he said I've actually been thinking the same thing oh, I have full body chills, devastating.
Vaness Henry: 34:16
So what happens in that moment?
Brandy Gilmartin: 34:18
I sat on the couch and we just both started crying and loving each other. Through that, you know, it was, uh, it was really. It was a really deep conversation.
Vaness Henry: 34:32
You know, just like I don't, I think we need to separate, you know how do we be two respectful human beings who were just braided together for over a decade and unbraid? Yeah, that's a big moment, so it doesn't sound well. Did you fall out of love?
Brandy Gilmartin: 34:49
Yeah, I don't actually know if we were like in love.
Vaness Henry: 34:54
What does that? You're four, six. You're here for the love. What does that feel like?
Brandy Gilmartin: 34:58
um, you know that little soulmate or not, stuff is like, yeah, what part of me wanted a soul? What, what part of me was asking for the soulmate? And I think it was the part that needed to be safe and protected I think there is.
Vaness Henry: 35:12
You know, when I was first kind of studying and how this soulmate bullshit put on me, I was like fuck off, like oh my, I'm an independent, I don't need this shit, you know like you know, you know how you tell yourself that I'm fucking single and killing it, you know.
Vaness Henry: 35:27
And also I was lonely and am very transpersonal. You know I can justify a lot of it now just based on that study. But before even knowing that there was something about me that kind of eschewed romance like that's, you know, like I don't need that, I'm better than that. And then something did change and I really started to just love playing with the fact that I was very romantic and I just started making fun of myself with it, like I liked that. I'm like my my husband's not really romantic and I'm like this Leo rising would love to be publicly adored and he's like like he would never.
Vaness Henry: 36:06
He's so silent, you know what I mean. So when he so, then it became fun to like see what romantic things would happen, because he I'm like he's a six line, he's also a six too, so where, where's his romance going to come out? So I had this definition of what I thought romance was or was not, and when I started to kind of soften on that, I really did see how much of a of a force that is in my life. Like I think everyone is in a love story. Like I will talk to people like that and I'm watching you for the love story. That's what I'm, because that's the point of it all to me. What are you going to fuck what? Who? Where are you going to fall in love with my, my, I'm 46. So to my conscious son, so it's a little prominent theme there.
Vaness Henry: 36:46
But the four, six is the other character that again, again I said that I watch a lot who has this huge romance story and is sometimes like between friends or hidden or Affairs, or we see all this. But let's be clear, it's a love story. You know what I mean whether they're developing self-trust to finally love themselves and open themselves up to love with somebody else, but here it's a love story too. I'm like Brandy, what's about the love story? So I want to say it sounds like a health story, because there were, you were exhausted. There was no energy that left to give. You might've had some kind of curious symptoms pop up, did you? I'm interested to hear that. If you did. Was there anything weird Like, oh, I've got this weird ache, or I've got this. Oh, you're feeling cognition, so that can be very intense, absolutely I mean it was everything, everything, because it all disappeared.
Vaness Henry: 37:41
Wow, so so okay. So so there's an overall feeling of general unwellness and a feeling cognition. I want to speak on this for a second because I will often watch this from a shamanic perspective and be looking for patterns in people that really try to keep it about the five and the fifth color, energy, which is like feelings, emotions, nervous system. But depending on how like close these feeling people are braided with people, I think you can pick up absolutely any possible symptom and share it as if it's happening to you. You could get nose shit, you could get mouth shit. You are sharing it with them, so it's happening to you. You could get nose, you get mouth, you get you, you are sharing it with them. So it's it's kind of a mind, because it's like it's originating from you, but I really am feeling it and experiencing it with you and I might even adopt some of these, these symptoms.
Vaness Henry: 38:30
When I was first diagnosed with lymphoma I I lived in the city and I still went to school in the country, so I went and stayed with an aunt and uncle. I lived in the city and I still went to school in the country, so I went and stayed with an aunt and uncle and family in the country and I slept in the same bed as my cousin and she ended up going to the doctor because they were scared. She had the same illness I had because she had lumps in her lymph nodes exactly where my tumor had been removed Itchy feet, which was my primary symptom. She, she had rashes, and so, just like as an adult, I went back to pull up her design and, sure enough, she's double feeling. So she's sleeping next to me and she's. She went. She went to the hospital. She had nothing. Her lymph nodes were actually swollen, muscles coming out of her neck. But I was like what the is going on there? And I know she was very impacted by my illness and slept next to me in the fucking bed at night. So what is going on there?
Vaness Henry: 39:24
So, when it comes to the fives, the fifth tones in the body, I think these are so incredibly evolved that it can be really hard to track symptoms, because you do really just need to pay attention to what's mine and what's theirs, and sometimes that will not be clear because you're sharing it. If it's happening to them, it's happening to you. You could get the fucking headache too. You know what I mean. So when I'm listening to you. It's like how much of this was hers, how much of this was Andy's, how much of this was her kid, you know? Because now there's another person involved in this who also made this bond with this person, who's now a parent figure in their life, you know. So it's messy.
Brandy Gilmartin: 40:00
Yeah, I would notice, though it should have been my first like uh-huh, which I just thought it felt nice, but like andy would leave for like a week for work or go somewhere and I would feel like a whole different person. But I was just like, yeah, because this is normal Everyone feels like this and I'm emotionally free. No, I literally would like be symptom free, everything free, wow yeah, and when he would leave and I'm like what is going on Well.
Vaness Henry: 40:31
So how much of that was his symptoms?
Brandy Gilmartin: 40:33
You know, that's what makes me think about not like his exact symptoms, but it was like an like autoimmune response to his energy. Yeah, because I didn't have like digestion issues or anything like that. Mine was all like. It was like thyroid, it was like you know all that stuff.
Vaness Henry: 40:54
I could have had a hundred diagnoses, but I just don't float and I'm just forced to be in a lifestyle that is going slightly against my grain. Now I'm going to go to see all these doctors and no one's going to actually be able to tell me what's actually wrong with me, because there is no larger ailment wrong with me. My body's just trying to communicate.
Brandy Gilmartin: 41:11
Yeah, and you know, probability says I'm not going to go to the doctor and have anybody pull my labs right now because they're going to diagnose me with something that I know that's not even mine. It's going to go away. Yeah, like I'm crazy when it comes to that. I'm just like I trust my body so much. Listen to that beautiful hope, motivation.
Vaness Henry: 41:31
Yeah, I can trust my body, whatever. So. So, brandy, we're going through this separation, or going through this change. Where do we fall in love? Well, we fall in love. Cause we're fourth line right, so like what's the, what's the next?
Brandy Gilmartin: 41:42
step. We're fourth line, so we fall in love before the transfer, before the transfer starts, until there's another foundation to step on, which is all why it's all perfect timing. Like I don't, I have not once beat myself up, like I should have done this sooner. And now you know better. None of that, you know. It's like that's a real fourth line thing. It's like, oh no, there's no foundation to step on to to move forward. So there is a beverage that's pretty well known here in Iowa and you have to have a thirst girl.
Vaness Henry: 42:18
She loves a fucking beverage. Yeah, okay, okay.
Brandy Gilmartin: 42:25
Oh man, but me and Andy loved drinking together and you have to have a cannabis license to get it in Iowa and every time it's a cannabis drink. Fun, okay Loving it one every time. It's a cannabis drink. Fun, okay, loving it. Every time I would get on the website to get the cannabis license, I'd be so frustrated out of my mind that I would stop. I'd close my computer. I'd be like this is not it and sorry, would you educate me.
Vaness Henry: 42:48
Is cannabis not legal where you live? Not, I mean okay I didn't know.
Brandy Gilmartin: 42:52
No, it is to assert like very minor milligrams, and you have. I wanted to sell it at inner space. That's why I wanted the cannabis license.
Vaness Henry: 43:01
So you have my naivete, then in where I live it's everywhere in our nation is fine, so it's very in our culture and I just assume that's how it is everywhere and and even right across the border, not all places in america. So sorry, that's new information to me. Okay, so it's not easily accessible.
Brandy Gilmartin: 43:16
Okay, Okay, Okay, Not easily accessible. If you want to, like set retail it. And so I wanted drinks, I needed this license. I got frustrated. I know from human design that frustration is like a stopping point, like put it away, you know. So then my business partner and some of my employees went to pride, the pride parade or pride fest downtown last June and sent me a picture and they're like we really need to get this into inner space. And I said I know, but that fucking website, I can't. Somebody else has to do it. Like it's not, I want it, but I can't do it. Okay, so nobody like you know nobody else took the initiative to get on that website, so I just waited. And then my business partner was like you know, nobody else took the initiative to get on that website, so I just waited. And then my business partner was like hey, are you going to get that drink in?
Vaness Henry: 44:02
And I said man is a universe conspiring to get you. Yeah, okay.
Brandy Gilmartin: 44:07
Okay, I'll figure out. You know, I was like. I was like you know what I'm just going to do. I'm just going to get on their website, put a wholesale inquiry in and just go from there. So I get on the website. I do that. Usually, typically, what happens is they send you back a portal link and then you can order it. They'll be like do you have the cannabis license? And I'll be like, fuck that website. That's the normal. That's how it goes.
Brandy Gilmartin: 44:28
Well, what ends up happening is it's in July and I reach out and then, like a week later, I get a phone call from a woman and she's like hey, I'm the founder of this drink. Um, would you founder? Yeah, and I was like, oh, cool, I want to get it in inner space. And she's like, yeah, the gal that takes our wholesale. She's like I usually don't do any of this wholesale inquiry stuff, it's not where I play. But she saw your website and she knew I'd be interested in your business and so she's forwarded it to me and that's why I'm calling you.
Brandy Gilmartin: 45:02
And I was like cool, you know. And she's like yeah, what you know, I'd love to have you come tour the facility and, you know, talk to you guys. I was like cool. And she was like, yeah, anything else you guys need for you know, getting our beverage in your space. And I said, yeah, that fucking cannabis license. And she's like, oh, you just got to get on the website. I'm like, nope, stop right there, it is not that easy for me. And she's like, oh, we'll take care of it for you. And I was like, oh, oh, thank you.
Vaness Henry: 45:34
Okay, she sits back. She's like I'm impressed, I'm listening, go on, you have my attention.
Brandy Gilmartin: 45:39
So we set up a meeting. It's a bit flirty. Though it feels flirty, it didn't feel flirty.
Vaness Henry: 45:46
It feels flirty in the retelling Brandy.
Brandy Gilmartin: 45:48
It feels flirty In the retelling. Yeah, it feels a bit flirty to me Okay.
Brandy Gilmartin: 45:58
So we're supposed to meet sometime in the like first week of August. But all of July and August, like me and Andy like were sick and we didn't know what we were sick with. We were so sick we couldn't like we could go to work and then we'd have absolutely no energy. Wow, okay, to cook, to clean, to do I mean exhausted. The weekends would come around and it was beautiful out and we had kayaks and paddle boards and all that and we couldn't even leave the house. I just like I can't even get off the couch. I'm so exhausted. So I originally put I pushed our original meeting a week because I was like I'm still sick with whatever the hell this is, and you know I don't want to show up like that. So I moved it a week. So me and my business partner and my director of guest services, we went to their facility and I walk in the door. I'm blushing.
Vaness Henry: 46:49
She walks inner vision shores, walks into a new world. And what does she see?
Brandy Gilmartin: 46:55
This woman walks up to me and I'm like, oh, like, it's like like two of the strongest magnets I've ever felt. And so me and feeling cognition, I'm like, yeah, it's gonna be a great business. What's gonna happen in this?
Vaness Henry: 47:09
meeting. Yeah, it's gonna be great.
Brandy Gilmartin: 47:12
so we get in the meeting and we're talking and she's like two years ago she goes. I had this like download for a wellness center and my CEO wrote it all down in a journal for me and it's pretty much she's like she'd never been to inner space and never seen the inside. She's like it's like this place you walk in there's like a yoga space and then there's like all these services and I was and I looked at her and I said you are describing my business. Looked at her and I said you are describing my business. What's her?
Vaness Henry: 47:38
design Four, six sacral MG Stop. She's the same, brandy. I even think you guys fucking look alike.
Brandy Gilmartin: 47:42
She's a 2034 and a one eight. That's it, okay, okay.
Vaness Henry: 47:46
Okay, do you know her?
Brandy Gilmartin: 47:47
environment or anything. Sleeping Phoenix caves Okay.
Vaness Henry: 47:54
So she saw you and was like oh, my yeah. Oh, ok, so interesting. There's an instant connection.
Brandy Gilmartin: 48:04
Instant connection and I'm like this is going to be great for business. I even left. I called Andy. I was like, oh you're misinterpreting the connection you don't even realize, yet You're just vibing.
Vaness Henry: 48:14
Well, I did. But you, but your vagina realizes.
Brandy Gilmartin: 48:19
But I but I clocked her, I was like lesbian I clocked her.
Vaness Henry: 48:21
Okay, okay, okay she gave lesbian right away.
Brandy Gilmartin: 48:23
Okay, okay, okay, right away and I was like huh, and then wasn't that sacral sound. I was like huh so okay, because we had talked about, like you, maybe having her partner and like doing all these other things you know. So I left there. I was like feeling really good about it. Great, we're going to get the cannabis license. There was one point and I remember this and she brings it up often because she's like at that moment, like I knew I was talking to her, the way I perk up, hey, I'm like what?
Brandy Gilmartin: 48:56
A loving moment I was talking to her compliance guy and he was like getting some information about our business to put in the website that I fucking hated, right, and I'm standing in the office talking to the guy and on the other side of me she's there, my business partner's there. She's my business partner and her talking about a ketamine retreat in St Thomas. Because my business partner and her talking about a ketamine retreat in St Thomas because my business partner is a ketamine assisted psychotherapist Wow, and they say something and I turn my head and I'm into conversations at once, right Cause I can do that.
Vaness Henry: 49:30
Oh my God, okay yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 49:32
And then I heard her. She looked at my business partner. She's like did she really know what we're talking about? My business partner is like, oh yeah, that's how she rolls. She's just, you know, kind of all over the like. She's connected and knows, you know. And I like remember that as well, as like there was like some feeling there, right, okay, anyway, so then we move forward. There's no conversation about attraction, there's none of that right. There's just this. I'm like huh, you know. And then I'm living for that little sound that comes out. Next time I see her. I'm talking to her and I was like you should come into inner space and like try the services and all of that. She'd come in and I'd feel that like magnet again and I was just like happy to see her and she was happy to see me. And then one time she came in and I was like God, I gotta get her fucking design you know when you want to.
Vaness Henry: 50:24
Oh yeah, You're locked in now, Brandy.
Brandy Gilmartin: 50:27
Yeah, and I was talking to Teresa and I was like I know she's a fourth line, she has to be because she's very well connected and bet she's a 2034. I'm just gonna put that out there. Right now I don't know her birthday, so she came in um one day Teresa, human design, bestie, your go-to person.
Vaness Henry: 50:46
Two four mg. Two four generator mg you're both mgs. Yeah, another shores mg. You have your famous coffee talk show with her. She's your go-to buddy, an important part of the human, human design deconditioning process. You go to her and you're like vagina's vibing. I don't know what's going on.
Brandy Gilmartin: 51:03
Well, I didn't tell her that.
Vaness Henry: 51:05
So much Sorry, you didn't say your vagina was vibing to your friend. That's me putting those words in your mouth.
Brandy Gilmartin: 51:11
Yeah, yeah, I was. I was just kind of like still sussing it out. You know, sure, internal me was feeling something well, also a moment, a moment of innocent appreciation here, like you were with a man historically right, so like there is a there's a wider leap to go on here of self-trust, which is the theme yes, and so there was like a part of me that wanted to know her human design, because I was like, for fucking sure, it's just electromagnetics you know, because you want to tell yourself that, yeah, so you get yourself.
Brandy Gilmartin: 51:41
Yes, yes, yes that's exactly what I wanted. Yeah, I was like, show me a juicy electromagnetic and I can just give it away. You know I can make it go away, yeah. So she came in my office one day, um, with her mom. They were like touring inner space and they were in my office and I was talking to her about human design. She's like, oh, look mine up. And I was like, sure thing, I would love to 4-6 Sacral MG. I was like damn With inspiration and charisma. And I was like damn, there's another you. I was like, yeah, we probably moved through the world similarly.
Vaness Henry: 52:14
So we're dying to know how do you finally date, how do you finally go over the edge.
Brandy Gilmartin: 52:21
How do we finally date? So we have all these like you know, meeting, like we have meetings, we're talking about business stuff. There's always this tension there. I carry tension right so I can explain that away and explain everything away. I looked at our charts together. I labeled it as business in my phone, which is hilarious.
Vaness Henry: 52:37
She's like oh, I forgot the sexual connection I'm feeling.
Brandy Gilmartin: 52:41
but okay, yeah, we have like sick electromagnetics too. So like I could describe that away, we have 3955.
Vaness Henry: 52:48
But why, though, why not just feel it Feeling?
Brandy Gilmartin: 52:51
cognition, right. Right, we have like six electromagnetics, so you connect, so we connect. And then we were having meetings and she was coming into the business. There was never a single word spoken about attraction, anything. And then one day I came, that's the day I came home and I told Andy that I think we should separate. I had not even spoken to her about any of that. We both knew that we were each married and that was you know. There was just not nothing spoken about it. I'm not about to like wreck anything, right and right.
Vaness Henry: 53:28
Okay, a whole other thing here. You're both married, yeah and then, so you're not allowed quote unquote to engage with the tingles. I hear you Right.
Brandy Gilmartin: 53:37
Yeah, and I I there was one time I picked it up where I could pick up I was like, oh, I think she feels the same way, okay, anyway. So I left Andy, and that night that I told we had the long conversation about separating she actually had texted me and asked me if I wanted to go help at an event and help sling happy can at this event. Okay, and so I was like crying and everything and I should have stayed home, should have stayed home and been crying and my body jumped off the couch so fast and got in my car.
Vaness Henry: 54:10
Yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 54:11
You know, and, and that night was fine, and you know, know all of that, and I could feel the tension. And the following day we had a business meeting and we were at this business meeting and she could hardly look at me and I was like you know, I'm gonna break that tension between us. We go out in the parking lot, our cars happened to be. She was trying to avoid me leaving, and here's the thing about being.
Vaness Henry: 54:38
Why is she?
Brandy Gilmartin: 54:39
avoiding you. Why is she trying to avoid you? Because she had told me things the night before that she was kind of interested in me but in like around she's got an emotional hangover a little bit.
Vaness Henry: 54:48
Okay, fine.
Brandy Gilmartin: 54:51
The thing about being a four six or being around a four six is when you're out in public, especially around like where they where they roam you're going in public, especially around like where they where they roam, you're gonna run into somebody you know, her and I we can't go anywhere without running into somebody we know. But so we were leaving this restaurant and, what do you know, she bumps into somebody that she knows and I can tell she's trying to avoid me and try to have me leave, and before her, she's doing that.
Brandy Gilmartin: 55:15
Oh, I just stand right behind her and wait. I, I love it.
Vaness Henry: 55:19
Yeah, you're like you will, and then I'm ready.
Brandy Gilmartin: 55:21
Like no, no, no. So then we go out to the parking lot and all she says to me, she looks at me, she goes you got to do what you got to do and I got to do what I got to do. And she has no idea that I had separated. You already did, but you got you had to do. Yeah, she has no idea because I didn't want to interfere with whatever she needed to do in her life.
Vaness Henry: 55:44
Was there just so much.
Brandy Gilmartin: 55:45
That's unspoken here, because you're just, it's just energy you're just responding to the feeling yes, that's it, that's all and so the sexual tension is so severe like the way.
Vaness Henry: 55:54
I wish it was a movie.
Brandy Gilmartin: 55:55
Okay, then she went home that day and moved out of her house.
Vaness Henry: 55:59
Wow, okay, yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 56:02
But her and her wife had been, she had, they had separated like a year and a half prior to that, before and then okay.
Vaness Henry: 56:10
So she was kind of free, but she just had circumstances but then she came back.
Brandy Gilmartin: 56:14
She went back and, like you like working on it, I see, okay, yeah, kind of, and she's just very disconnected from it.
Vaness Henry: 56:22
But you know I think, us both there were kids involved. That's why, right, if there's kids involved, you're gonna try yep, yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 56:29
And so I think, like both of us was like, as fourth lines, I was like, hey, there's a you know something to stand on so yeah, and then she deleted our text thread because it was just business talk on the text threads, like it's funny, we've gone through it before to try to catch if we flirted at all. But um, she just was like she moved out because she was like I'm not like gonna do this for you and I didn't leave, and Andy for her. It was for me and she wanted to do it for her, and so we were both like were you ever worried about?
Vaness Henry: 57:02
that, brandy, like it would be perceived that way. Right six line shit. It's like oh, how's this gonna be? Yeah, no, you can be kind of. You have to be perfect, you know. Yeah yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 57:11
And fourth line how do you perceive me? How you perceive me? Yeah, and I want to role model. Good things, right. I'm not a bad person, and this situation could be perceived in a way that it did not, how. It did not happen.
Vaness Henry: 57:25
It could easily be perceived right we never know what's going on, right like, yeah, we don't know, oh, they separated.
Brandy Gilmartin: 57:31
It's like we don't know how long it was bad for, like you just see, we don't know what goes on behind closed doors that was, that was like the last weekend of September and then, like, once she like moved out, we started talking and exchanging words about how the dating kind of energy.
Vaness Henry: 57:49
yeah, yeah, how did you talk to your son about it? Um right, it's a lot of change-ups for them, for him, yeah.
Brandy Gilmartin: 57:58
He, when Andy moved out, he said he felt free. But Andy was never like emotionally or abusive or physically abusive or anything. It was just like this grip that his nervous system had on the household Totally.
Vaness Henry: 58:10
It's energetics. It's fascinating to hear you talk about it that way. You know cause it sounds like there's conscious respect, it's like, but there's also something else that needs to be acknowledged. There's an unconscious dynamic here that doesn't feel so great Okay.
Brandy Gilmartin: 58:20
That's challenging, and so that's. I mean Weston was felt okay. I mean it was a big change for him, but he felt okay with that. And then when I told him that I was interested in a woman, he was like totally fine with it.
Vaness Henry: 58:34
That generation is just like not how we were. You know what I mean it's. There's just like cool, yeah, love anyone Good for you. It's like thank you, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
Brandy Gilmartin: 58:46
Well, that's a blessing right.
Vaness Henry: 58:47
Cause that could go a totally different way, right.
Brandy Gilmartin: 58:49
We don't know. So it sounds like you had his support and, um, yeah, as soon as Andy left, that following week I stopped taking any supplement that I've been taking, really, and doing anything that I was doing just to survive. All the symptoms in my body disappeared. So what the fuck is up with that? What's going on there?
Vaness Henry: 59:04
Right, I don't know, it was just so. You're putting all these things just to help you survive, because you're in survival mode and you know the way that we could theoretically interpret that, as you were in the kitchen or got up in someone else's kitchen. I don't know if that resonates with you, but yeah, how do you see that playing out there?
Brandy Gilmartin: 59:23
Because I was, I was constantly trying to like get alchemize him. You know, think about kitchens and what happens in a kitchen. Totally Like, because I, you know, looking at and he's not an ingredient. I'm not like saying he's an ingredient, but if I were to say he's like you know, um the hamburger, and then we're at it. Oh, if you just add this, you can taste like this. If you just add this, you can taste like this and it's very kitcheny. Yeah, you do this, you feel like this. And and also, yeah, being feeling cognition, I can just constantly pick up on the feeling and that is so powerful.
Vaness Henry: 59:58
Like that's so evolved and I don't think we have a fully great grasp and shared understanding of just how powerful that is, just how sensitive that is, you know, and what you can actually pick up through other people, life force, indescribable things and, and because they're indescribable, how do you have a conversation about it? How do you communicate to your partner where it's like you're feeling like a fucking drag? I absolutely love you, but there's something going on that was like we're not working to each other. That's a hard ass conversation to have and you know that person might not be aware of the feeling of it, but you are. You know, yeah, it's. That's very powerful.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:00:35
Yeah, I did tell him very shortly after we separated that I was interested in a woman and I also felt like I needed to reassure him because there's nothing wrong with him he's an incredible man and I was like I just think I'm not attracted to men, you know.
Vaness Henry: 1:00:53
And I was like, finally, like reach a place of personal peace and self-trust, yes, where I could admit that to myself.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:01:00
Yeah, exactly and and your health depends on it. Yeah, and he, he's all of a sudden better. He's like right.
Vaness Henry: 1:01:08
So how much, how encouraging and affirming is that he's like.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:01:11
I feel I've never felt better. We both like and we have a very we're. He's still one of my best friends. I consider him that and he's dating again. He's dating somebody I know and I love it. I think they're perfect for each other. You know, I'm like, oh my gosh, if I could hand pick a person for you, it would have been that person, you know.
Vaness Henry: 1:01:28
Is there any part of you that's like good off my hands because I'm in love with someone else?
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:01:33
No, it doesn't feel like that. It feels like I'm I'm just genuinely happy that he's happy, you know, and that she's happy the gal that he's dating because she deserves it too. You know, they're going to energy dynamics. They're going to like move into a camper and like travel the country together. I'm like that's fucking great. I don't want to do that, you know.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:01:57
I don't want to do that. The fact that Andy knew exactly what he wanted to do, like the day after we separated, like exactly how he wanted to live his life. I was like, isn't that telling that we? I don't want to do any of that. I don't want to climb a mountain. I don't want to. I love you and I want you to go do that. Yeah, yes, I love you so much that I want you to go, like I'm holding you back, you know that's very beautiful.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:02:21
I don't feel like he was holding me back. I was holding myself back. I also feel like I was holding him back from living his best life.
Vaness Henry: 1:02:27
But you're also feeling cognition and technically designed to feel how he may have been feeling, right? Yeah, I mean everything.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:02:39
Not fully aware that it's yours or his. Yeah, yeah, the, the anxiety. He was always very anxious and I was like all of a sudden very anxious and catastrophic thinking and anything wrong with my body and I was thinking the worst case scenario and I'm like that is not how, who I am. The piece that I have now is incredible.
Vaness Henry: 1:02:56
I do think one of the most important decisions we make in our life is if we choose to cozy up to someone, because some of us absolutely do need that for our learning. The partner you choose in life matters so much because you're so influenced by them. You are going to influence them, they're going to influence you. Like you become so braided and conditioned by each other. You know you're not even aware of it and sometimes we just think it says like this superficial, who cares, go have fun, and like there's an aspect of that. But when you are kind of building a life with someone and fusing your energies, my God, does that person matter? And who you align yourself with can affect your entire personal ecosystem and how you feel and how healthy you are.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:03:41
Right, and I mean he was very supportive of me. I'm a businesswoman, I love work, I'm a generator, I'm going to fucking work forever. And he had a job that he could leave at the end of the day and be done with work and not do that, and I felt guilty anytime I'd need to work past five o'clock, you know, or my life is just constantly like, evolved around my business, and so now I'm also dating somebody who that's their life and they love that. So you know you're in the same world, or in the same world, very much in the same world, and there's, you know, there's dynamics with that that are very interesting. So we've had to set boundaries now about, like we don't talk about work for sure, of course you would Shores, fucking, shores, shit, yeah, boundaries for this.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:04:33
Yeah, we don't talk about work past like seven o'clock. You know something?
Vaness Henry: 1:04:38
that I did strike me now hearing this story and you know there was this possibly like an ovarian cyst or bursting, and just you know it made me wonder like did she want to have more kids birth to at?
Vaness Henry: 1:04:49
this time and when I'm thinking of when that happened, the business you started this man coming into your life, having a son, going on a Saturn return like, yeah, now you're dating someone who also has kids. You've inherited more children now, right, but you're not in that phase of parenting anymore because these kids are a bit younger. Your son is 14. Were you not done having kids?
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:05:16
No, I wasn't and I I knew I wasn't. So Andy had gotten a vasectomy. That's a big deal, brandy. We had decided together for him to get a vasectomy like about a year into dating and then we decided in 2018 for him to get it reversed because I felt I was not done. Having kids okay, big deal, or kids in my future. And so I was like I deal, or kids in my future.
Vaness Henry: 1:05:37
And so I was like I can see more kids in my future. Inner vision of the environment said fascinating.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:05:42
I even applied to like foster or adopt and I contacted my tribe because there's ICWA, which is the Indian child welfare act, and was working with them on, you know, fostering or adopting. And yes, I'm aware there's a big difference. I just want to say anybody who's listening, you know, fostering is with intent to get back together, but working with the tribe on that. And then I started to get frustrated with that process so I put it down. And that's when he got the vasectomy reversal. And then it just like we opened the door but nobody was coming through the door and I was like what is wrong? Every other person I think in the world would have gone and gotten tests done and, you know, figured out why it wasn't working, but I didn't have any response to do that. And so, you know, as Andy got older he's 45 now we were like, oh, when are we going to close the door? And when we separated we were both like thank goodness we didn't have a child, because that would have been a little bit more complicated.
Vaness Henry: 1:06:48
Yeah, but you wanted one.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:06:50
Yeah, I love raising little humans. I love it. I it's, it's really it's I'm a nurturer, so I love that. I love it. I it's, it's really it's. I'm a nurturer, so I love that I love.
Vaness Henry: 1:07:01
So how does it feel now having two more little kids come in the picture?
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:07:08
It's, it's great. They're really great little humans, you know they're.
Vaness Henry: 1:07:10
they're really great little humans, and also they've been partially raised by someone else. So now you're coming in and it's like okay, okay.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:07:16
New dynamic. Yeah, we discussed that too. Like, where is there a balance? You know, and they're not my children, I don't want to override any of their parenting from their mothers and, you know, I hope someday to have a good relationship with their other mom, because I think that's very important and I'm also. I can also be patient with that, but that's something that that's going to be another conversation.
Vaness Henry: 1:07:39
we have, like parenting somebody else's kids and now stepping in as a parent figure, challenging. You know what I grew up with? This and my mom was the evil step mom. You know what I mean, and it was like you guys need to chill out, like, but it's, it's different rules. Now, how do you make new rules and what are the boundaries here? And that's, that's a journey.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:08:00
That's a new journey and I've done it before, cause Andy had a daughter when we got together who's now 18. So I saw her from like seven to 18. And I also knew her when she was like one years old. So I've known her my whole life. But that was a whole different dynamic and me and my girlfriend actually had a conversation about that last night because I recognized some of my fears in that and things that had been had I felt like I didn't have a word in that were incredibly detrimental to my stepdaughter. She's gotten older.
Vaness Henry: 1:08:30
Oh, because you can. You have the perspective on that now.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:08:32
Yeah, and I was like I won't not speak up anymore. I was like I won't not speak up anymore, you know, like I refuse to do that, or I refuse for you to be somebody who you know, because she had an eating disorder, she was cutting herself and neither of her parents were doing anything about it you know, and I was like hello, she's starving herself and you guys aren't there, neither of them, because neither one wanted to be the bad parent and who's so?
Vaness Henry: 1:09:00
no one's fucking responsible for her here.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:09:02
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah so the conversation I had with my girlfriend last night was just expressing how that made me, what kind of position I was in by not having the support of either of her parent. Where she was 50 50 custody, was 50 50 custody. And you know, she wanted neither parent wanted to be seen as the bad guy or you know, oh, I don't want her to be mad at me when she's here only 50 of the time, you know, and I'm yeah, I won't, I won't, I get it.
Vaness Henry: 1:09:27
I get it, you know I, I, um, my mom married a man. I there was a step stepfather figure in my life for the longest time and he couldn't be the nice night, more nicest man. Do you know what I mean? Like he couldn't be more. We couldn't be the nice night, more nicest man. Do you know what I mean? Like he couldn't be more. We couldn't be luckier to have somebody like him come in and he does, step in and do a role and tolerate my fucking mom. You know what I mean.
Vaness Henry: 1:09:44
And if anything, I felt like, like I, my family was like the widowed family, you know from my mom's perspective, but he had been divorced, so I had inherited two little sisters. I was raised with two little projector sisters and I felt that they weren't. I felt they played the game a bit. You know, they him over and their mom. They were playing.
Vaness Henry: 1:10:04
They were playing the game and he's totally open-hearted and, if anything, I felt like I had to like stick up for him more, like I felt, more so that we had a different type of bond, right. So, even though somebody might not be your biological parent, the mentorship and that type of bond can be extremely special. You know, and in my case my stepdad is a 6-2, so he was like representing this whole other. He's off the roof and I'm looking at it right like he was a whole other learning vehicle now and through the lens of like open-hearted and cave sound person. You know, I was learning about my husband like that's so much of Derek's design, but there were the feelings of like my little sisters, you guys are being shitheads like fuck off. Why are you guys treating him like that? You?
Vaness Henry: 1:10:48
know, and they'd respect me because I'm like fucking telling them, yeah, and then even that, like that, there's a, there's a sibling dynamic that then comes into play and that's another. So there's all these different dynamics to consider. It's not easy, you know, undoing and unbraiding the life that you built for yourself and then being brave enough to go build another one that feels better. I think it takes a lot of courage and a lot of heart. I think this is absolutely amazing, beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it with me.
Brandy Gilmartin: 1:11:15
I'm also very happy that you're healthier and you're doing well no-transcript, don't have one and you're like crawling minus like perimenopause, menopause. I get all of that Like when you're in your prime. You're supposed to be in your prime. I, my libido is just fine. I absolutely adore physical touch.
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