No. 24 - Building a Body with Bumblebee

I had the pleasure of interviewing Bumblebee, my private shamanic client, who shares her deeply personal journey with health struggles. We explore her experience of being extremely underweight, her body in starvation mode, and how her Human Design Variables provide insight into her unique body dynamics. As a Thirst and a Kitchens Person, Bumblebee has a highly mutative body that reflects her complex relationship with nourishment and health. This is a hungry brain that is eating itself, whether she puts food in or not.

Bumblebee takes me into the trauma that was passed down to her in utero, stemming from her mother’s restrictive diet during pregnancy. We explore her Origin Story through this early dietary restriction and how it led to her being born underdeveloped, facing challenges in acclimating to life on earth; challenges that still affect her now that she's climbed on the roof. Throughout our conversation, she recounts the lasting impact of her mother's dietary limitations during her childhood, illustrating how these experiences have shaped her inner narrative and her ongoing struggles with her body. We look at the intimate relationship between mother and child, and how the Mother's Story is passed into the child; as our very first Environment... is the Mother. Join me and my special guest for insight that touches on the intersections of health, trauma, and personal growth.

Here's Bumblebee's Colour Palette:

BUMBLEBEE
Design Type: 6/2 Self-Projected Projector
Colour Palette: Hot Thirst / Kitchens / Probability / Hope

Here's a Highlight of her InSights:

• The significance of bees as a sign and symbol

• How Bumblebee and Vaness connected online

• An example of rectifying a birth chart

• The importance of community in personal transformation

• Understanding the Community's influence on a Kitchens Person

• Examining family influence on self-worth and body image

• Highlighting the connection between physical health and energetic flow

• Handling Public Perception as a 6-Line Profile

• Intimately evaluating Bumblebee's Origin Story

• Seeing the humanity in our parents

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Vaness Henry: 0:03

It's Vaness Henry, you're listening to InSights, my private podcast, exclusively for community members like you. Here's my latest insight. Very special episode. Today to kick off the new year, I have invited somebody very dear to me that I have been working with throughout the fall season and I want to tell you about her. I refer to her as Bumblebee because that's how she presented to me when I first heard her… I'm going to go ahead and say spiritual call, but it might sound a little kind of way. Bumblebee has very graciously said to me she's an open book and that she'd be happy to give her name. But I like the world and realm that we've created together and I want to stay in it for some time. So I'm going to refer to her as Bumblebee in this and tell you a little bit more about our relationship. So, Bumblebee, welcome to the show.

Bumblebee:

1:04

Thank you for the invitation and also for the invitation and hearing my buzzing yeah, I guess my spirit buzzing to you when I was really like going through the muck and the last thing that I expected back then was a message from you.

Vaness Henry:

1:20

So we're going to talk about it, we're going to get into it and the bee means something to you.

Bumblebee:

1:26

It's like the bee has been the biggest guide symbol for me since I I mean before I was in Egypt but I got a bee golden necklace in Egypt and went into all the honeycomb and the honey and like everything nectar when I wasn't also had, um, some plant medicine journeys with literally a beekeeper and we did ayahuasca with honey. So this is fucking wild and to say that because you know the work that I do um that ayahuasca shaman with the bees, his main job was he's an electrician in Switzerland. Oh, so it's like because you know me and electricity, so it's like that's wild.

Bumblebee:

2:10

But then the busking of the bees sound like electricity, you know yeah.

Vaness Henry:

2:16

And you're just reminding me my, when I started practicing shamanism, I trained at a place called Light of the Prairie, which was on a bee apiary, a bee farm yeah, fucking crazy. Um, you have a to me, a recognizable voice. We have overlap in our fields. You're in human design, you're in astrology, so there's it's very possible people will recognize you and you're like that's cool, I don't care, it's me who's like. I like I want to keep us in this bumblebee dynamic and I want to share the story of, of watching you, because you're a six, two self-projected projector. You are have a very mutative body. You're a thirst color, you're a kitchen's person, it's a pair of three. So this is somebody whose body is the most mutative really. You know, and you have some extremely mutative tones beneath that which I want to get into.

Vaness Henry:

3:11

I became familiar with your work through the astrology world as somebody. I began in astrology kind of a similar story to you. That was my first kind of esoteric language, you could kind of say, and loved your perspective. So you were kind of in my field and then you started talking about human design. I learned you were a projector and I was like, oh cool, more shared language, just kind of walked in the background or watched in the background and when I realized you were a 6'2" I'd heard you talking about it one day I felt a deeper connection because that's the character that I am as well. And then I kind of went away for a bit and was doing my own thing. You then reappeared and you looked different and it caught my attention and I noticed that you had lost weight and I knew you were going on the roof. So my interest was peaked and I'm watching, I'm watching and I would kind of go away and I'd circle back watching and I noticed swelling in your face and I was like I bet you she's got inner vision somewhere. And that's what really grabbed me, because you were one of the first people I thought. I feel I can see her tonal depth and how I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this, so I'm just going to quietly do what I'm doing.

Vaness Henry:

4:26

And then I don't know if you know this, but then you started to trigger the hell out of me where you would do these powerful posts and tag me in them and I would. Then she's tagging me this. I would go look at it and you didn't look well and I felt my heart hit my stomach each time. And it went on for probably a year and I confided in a friend that was like I, just my friend jazz. I'm not sure if you're familiar with her, jasmine Nenna. She's a profound spiritual philosopher in her own right. I had confessed to her.

Vaness Henry:

5:00

There's this woman I'm watching and I feel this huge pull to her, but I don't know, I don't want to sound like a crazy person on the internet who's like hey, I see this in you. Would you give me a chance to just, I just want to watch you, study you, support you, help you. Would you give me a chance? Like, how do I, how she's going to? I'm going to come on strong like a manifestor and repel the hell out of her, like, and so I?

Vaness Henry:

5:23

I for two seasons waffled through a God, can I approach her? I, I wanted to approach her and I was just so afraid of myself that I would offend you or repel you and I so badly wanted to be received. And my, my friend was just like you'll find it like reach out, she, she, she tags you sometimes like you're not, she's not going to be afraid of you. Like, follow your heart. So encouraging.

Vaness Henry:

5:50

And then there was this one day where I was sitting in the sunlight on the balcony and a bee flew to me and it was buzzing around my ear and I felt panic in my body for you and I got super upset and my husband was like what's going on? And I was like there's this woman. I just, I got it, it's gotta be. Now, God, am I ready for this? She's going to hate me. She's going to I don't know what that was, by the way, but there was an intense fear to offend you.

Vaness Henry:

6:21

So I said I'm going to go on a journey and I just I'm going to fucking pray to her. And I went for a walk. I did a land journey, so I had some certain soundtrack in my ears and as soon as I get on the path, there was a deadbeat on the path. The panic that went through my body was devastating. So now I'm praying to you. I'm not praying to a God, I'm not. I'm not a prayer, but I'm called to pray. Hang on, just, I'm coming like to coming to what I don't know. I don't know.

Vaness Henry:

6:53

I walk further on the path. There's another dead bee, so I take a picture of it. I crossed the road, another part of town, another dead bee. There were four dead bees on the path through the city. Another dead bee. There were four dead bees on the path through the city. And at this point I'm bawling and I get to a Creek and suddenly there are bees flying. So I take pictures of them.

Vaness Henry:

7:16

I call my friend while I'm on this journey. I sent her these pictures and I send her then the healthy bee. And she's like what do you see? What do you notice? The environment was different. We were in a lush green environment by the Creek. I was no longer in the concrete jungle on the cement path. The bees were dead on the cement path.

Vaness Henry:

7:32

And then, the further I went on the Creek, it was swarmed with bumblebees. And in that moment I said I'm calling her. And I got home. There was another dead bee on the path to like when I was back on like the concrete jungle, and my friend said to me there will be losses on this shamanic journey and there will be wins and there will be bumblebees. And so I I came home.

Vaness Henry:

7:59

I I didn't have your boxer. I wanted it so bad, so I went to Instagram. I was like if she hears my voice, that's my best chance, and I sent you a bunch of one minute things because I'm fucking blocked on the one minute vocal there. And you couldn't have been more gracious in how you received me. You were familiar with my work, so you were not very repelled by me At least you didn't make me feel like you were repelled and you were immediately receptive to the bumblebee story and told me gosh, I feel such a specific connection with that and so the nickname was born.

Vaness Henry:

8:37

I don't know if I have summarized that story to you in that way, but it was a profound call for me as somebody who is on a strange path, you know, and my immediate mode of action was I've been studying you. Um, I have found your body graph information online and I'm going to read your variable to you and send it, and if there's any discrepancies, please let me know. To which you replied. There's a discrepancy, bitch, I did a birth time rectification. Maybe we'll start there. Bumblebee, how did you get a more accurate birth time, which, for you, flipped your variable around and made me have major epiphanies about what was going on with you. How did you do that?

Bumblebee:

9:20

I mean, it was basically because I'm very specific with getting readings from anyone, just because I feel like I've been disappointed so many times and my depth in astrology I want to say is you know, they are not a lot above average.

Vaness Henry:

9:35

Yeah, totally, absolutely. You have a mastery there, for sure, for sure, and most most other astrologers just bore me with.

Bumblebee:

9:42

You know what they would see in my chart. I'm like, yeah, okay, give me something new. So there's this one astrologer that I really love, from Australia, and I got a reading from her in 2020 I think and her thing is like she doesn't do the reading if she doesn't rectify your chart, because she's like every chart I love that Like she wants to rectify because she just knows that no one has an accurate birth time and usually it's always a little bit off and I'm like I struggle with that in my work big time.

Bumblebee:

10:14

Yeah, it kind of was sad, because before it was four, four, four and now it's not an angel number.

Vaness Henry:

10:20

Well, I, I'm three, three, three. So when I found the four, four, four time I was like Whoa, I'm three, three, three so when I found the four, four, four time I was like whoa, I'm, what's that?

Bumblebee:

10:33

and then you came back and you said it's actually 1634. So it went back by 10 minutes. How did she do that? I and she needed like five trillion dates in my life from me, which was kind of like a headache and things and whatever. And then I don't know what she did, like she, she just like rectified it.

Vaness Henry:

10:46

The way that I've looked at this with other people, when I was doing like my own kind of birth chart, rectification with their variable would be what's the birth time you have? And I would kind of do plus or minus 10 to 20 minutes on either side just to see if the depths changed and the times that they did. I would then present here's where it's shifted. So here are your possibilities. Now I would say to you live into this and see which you connect to more, because whatever someone's original chart is, they tend to feel like loyal to that and bonded, like I'm that, and as soon as you open them up to, let's look at something else.

Vaness Henry:

11:22

It takes a little bit of time, but there have been numerous cases for me now where they're like I know I'm not a focused perspective, or I know I don't have an active brain, or it's just it's feeling hard, and so when you let them go experiment with that other possibility the way it clicks or is easy, you know. So it's like okay, so let's just entertain that you, that we're going to play with that for a bit, so it's not like this overnight thing, right? It requires some experimentation and openness in yourself, especially with these people who are like I was born at 11 30, it's like, okay, well, definitely not true. Chances are no.

Bumblebee:

11:57

Yeah, chances are no okay, but I think you know, with your approach it's kind of tricky, because, oh, yeah, I mean the way I see it, because your progressions play into that, because, of course, you feel different now than with your birth. You're right, exactly, moon right now is somewhere else and I tell you like, well, feel into another moon sign, it makes more sense to you, or like even with your human design. You know, I'm a progress manifesto right now and sometimes, yeah, I feel that where I'm like, yeah, I could be more like out there and whatever manifestory, and I attract so many manifestos for that reason too.

Vaness Henry:

12:39

So it's like I couldn't agree more with you. The thing that anchored me in my work would be tell me the ways you've been sick and then, based on that is where I could more so flesh out their tones, because that's really what's flipping with a birth time and it's like, oh, you're chronically having this tonsil thing, go on like you're not touch cognition, you know, you're probably smell, you're probably born earlier. So it was you know. And then we could, I could, look at more. We're born between this time and this time, not over here. So so again, it's a fucking art. You know what I mean? It's not.

Bumblebee:

13:15

But even with my example, with those two options, I think it was inner and outer vision. That was the answer right. Yes and so, yeah, I resonated with both to a certain degree but I think the inner vision makes a lot more sense.

Vaness Henry:

13:34

So let's talk about that. When I first found your birth information and it was calculating it, you pulled up as double inner vision and I was like whoa, there was. You had swelling around your eyes, which is why I said there's inner vision somewhere. And when I saw the chart it was double inner vision. I was like holy shit, okay, this is like this can give like psychic vampire energy. You know there could be, you know she's got too many distractions. And then you're like actually, this is my, my rectified birth time. And so your inner vision cognition flipped to being outer vision. This made a passive brain flip to an active brain and that's when I was like aha. So of course, you would relate to inner vision still, because you have it in the external sense. You still are inner vision, but instead of being double inner vision, which is harder to treat your outer vision cognition with an external sense of inner vision.

Vaness Henry:

14:22

What that showed me, what the epiphany was, is this is a body that's eating itself. This is a highly mutative body. Double three active brain, needs regular food. When this body is confused and it's not getting the nourishment it needs, it's just going to still eat. I know this because I have a body that's very similar. My brain is oriented a similar way to you. So when you have this active brain, you have this hungry brain. So how do I feed it? That's so fucking confusing. But suddenly it was like. The swelling in the eyes tells me she's not in an aligned environment that is as supportive for her. So what does that mean? And the fact that there is weight loss tells me she's not getting the nourishment that she needs. So how do you approach that? There's a pair of threes and like three colors. So like excuse me, kitchen's color, thirst color. Like this is a mutative person where it's not going to. All what works is not going to work forever, it's going to just switch. She's going to always need to be switching it up. So where is she the most vulnerable? As a kitchens person? It's either her craft or her community.

Vaness Henry:

15:30

And I immediately got the sense upon when we connected the community was not supporting you in the way that you needed, and so it also showed me you're somebody who is going to transfer to shores and transfer to light. So there's going to be periods of time where your body is hopping around, fleeing to different worlds. I'm not going to plant, I'm not going to settle with my community, I'm going to bop here, bop there. Now, upon talking to you, you've said yes, like I house sit in Dubai, I go to this place, I go to that place. And I was like that's where she needs to be right now, cause she's transferring to the shore until she finds that community that she can connect with, because it's not supporting her. But until she does that, she's not going to be able to nourish properly because the environment isn't holding her. Her people aren't checking in on her, they're not. She's not receiving the care and support that she needs.

Vaness Henry:

16:23

And so when we started getting into that, you were like, yeah, what the fuck? Like? Where are my people, you know? So what was that like for you to go through? And we were talking about that Cause I know you felt like I'm not just chained to this place. Fuck kitchens, fuck shores. And it's like you will always have a relationship with this, just like you will always have a relationship with thirst and light. Sometimes your diet is going to be really dependent on if it's day or night and I've watched you go through that as well because the body's just confused. It's trying to figure out where do I want to be, how do I, how do I feed myself? And you've gone on the roof. So you're a new person now and you're needing this new calibration of what do.

Bumblebee:

17:05

I want my life to be.

Vaness Henry:

17:07

So what comes up for you when I narrate your story back to you like that Well, my overall state of like confusion over the last year.

Bumblebee:

17:16

So I'm like OK, and like this mental, like I want to say overthinking of what, and not really trusting that what I'm doing right now is kind of like exactly what I need to do, because I was like overthinking of like I need to plan somewhere, I need to plan something, but then almost like forcing myself into something that was then not right, like even with, like Bali, I went there to live there and to be there, and like every place that I went was like but this has got so sick there, yeah, and and this has so sick and like I put so much pressure on I need to find my place now and really I didn't.

Vaness Henry:

18:00

Right and clearly well, let's very, let's very gently talk about what's going on there. Then, when we look at your variable because we know you're transferring to shores because your body is needs to, because it's trying to find a new community to connect with and bond with in that way, so right away, you don't have perspective in the way that you're designed to, because you're not set up yet. So your motivation of hope so fucking beautiful is going to transfer to guilt. I got to fix it, I got to make the plan, I got to handle everything, but we know you've then lost access to your deep intelligence. When that happens, so what are we to do in those states larger than me? No, I'm not here to control absolutely everything, and I've seen you dip into that. You know what I mean. But that's still going to happen to you. You're still going to feel that the mind's going to get very loud and and and to contend with our own mind is is like some of the biggest wrestling, some of the most beautiful parts of your design.

Vaness Henry:

18:59

You have a totally open head. So, yeah, we're thinking about things that don't matter, I guess sometimes. And also you have the potential to be the most wise of all of us in our faith and what we believe in, how we think about things, what inspires us. You also have a totally open heart. I'm very drawn to that for obvious reasons, but that's not it. A totally open solar plexus, a totally open spleen. A totally open solar plexus, a totally open spleen. And then an undefined sacral and root. Those are four energy centers that are completely open and mirrors to their environment and the way they grew up and how your parents treated you, how they talked to you, what their beliefs were. Do you at this point on the roof, where you're getting this objectivity and perspective, see some of the ways your parents upbringing and how they raised you shaped you into where you are now?

Bumblebee:

19:50

Totally, I mean totally. You know, sometimes I'm like, I feel like I'm a reflector really, because, well, cause you have those reflector kind of centers, girl.

Vaness Henry:

20:01

That's why your parents could put their thoughts right in your head, put those feelings right in your heart of worth and value. And you're not good enough and you got to prove it, like did that happen to you and let's just say that no, my, my, my.

Bumblebee:

20:15

I want to say I have a virgo trauma in my life I have penis and virgo and jupiter and vir. So I also have Virgo energy, but I'm born with two Virgo parents.

Vaness Henry:

20:27

Hypercritical.

Bumblebee:

20:28

Hypercritical, hyperjudgmental, hyper overthinking, hyper controlling, hyper hypochondria. All the rules, all the OCDs, like everything you know. And obviously there are other signatures in their chart that I know now and I'm just like, wow, and virgo is the hardest energy to change, right, they are so like they just don't change and so they also don't. They're never wrong, virgo, south node over here.

Bumblebee:

20:57

So I'm like so it's like I'm always wrong. You know, if the parents are not wrong, then the child is always the wrong person Like and that's again like my conditioning around. Maybe my intuition is wrong, maybe I'm stupid, maybe I'm doing it completely wrong, maybe my entire life is completely screwed because the way I live is just so. I lost my mind in plant medicines, journeys and in the spiritual thing and I'm gonna die from that. That's basically what my parents thought for a long time, like even my mom up until last week was like I think she's gonna die and I think, you know, she's not got not being happy in Dubai and she's just escaping all the time and she's just lying around because she's escaping and she's not facing her shit and I'm like that's not why, you know, and it's why is it?

Vaness Henry:

21:52

yeah why is what that's not? That's not why. Why? Why are you doing that?

Bumblebee:

21:57

because I have a mission to fulfill. I know my soul's contract and I know that I'm doing a lot of grid work on the planet, that I have to energetically be in some places also to receive energetically some integration, some integration for myself, but then also to activate the land from like. I mean, it's a. It's a deeper story. Again, it's grid work. At the end of the day, like even in in Dubai, I'm moving around a lot and then sometimes I wonder like why do I have to be here for a period of time, here for a period of time?

Vaness Henry:

22:29

And the answer and self projected. Right Like that G center is a compass. Yeah, so if you're going where you got to go, like go.

Bumblebee:

22:36

And then also I I just know that I have to walk there barefoot or I have to like. I have these sudden instincts where I'm like I need to sit here, or I mean even when I go to the desert sometimes. I mean, last time I was in the desert I said to my friend I feel like a cat because no matter how much I go pee at home and then it's not the longest drive to the desert the first thing my body needs to do is to fucking pee in the desert. When I arrive, I feel like a cat, you know mocking my head thirst, yeah, get it out.

Bumblebee:

23:14

But it also feels like my fucking. I mean it's very. I mean I have an eight house stellium, so whatever my pee need to be in in that sand, like I need to deliver it. You know kind of situation. Yes, yeah, this contract it's like an offering, almost like an entry fee for the desert in the sand. Now you may enter.

Vaness Henry:

23:35

Yeah, okay, you know you can go yeah, um, closing out my year, last year I invited my mom on the show and I did kind of a return to the mother episode and was really looking at the way she shaped me and then looked at the way her mother shaped her, because her mother is unwell and is passing away, and so we just kind of had this moment of recognizing that ancestral lineage and how things are passed down. When you are looking at your relationship with your mother and how the way she may have shaped you into being a woman. Now that you're on the roof, what do you think? How did she shape you? What were some of the things, consciously or unconsciously, that went on?

Bumblebee:

24:18

I never wanted to be a woman. That's a fair and it's I mean, it's still.

Vaness Henry:

24:28

Why? What she she may, okay, okay, I just make sure I'm hearing this correctly.

Bumblebee:

24:29

Your mother and the way she raised you made you feel like I do not want to be a woman yeah, is that fair to say okay that's heavy and I it wasn't even something that I was too aware of of course it was.

Vaness Henry:

24:42

It sounds like it was subconscious, and now you're on the roof and are able to pick it up and be like whoa, but seriously.

Bumblebee:

24:47

It was just within the last weeks where I realized that this is still somewhere deep down in the closet of my system, where I was like sitting there reflecting, and all of a sudden I got terrified, like there was this crippling fear creeping up. I'm like what is this? What's happening right? And I realized I have go, like I could you know specifically, you know seeing all like the beautiful women in Dubai and like admiring that, and I'm like what's actually stopping me from? I know I could be like so much more beautiful or so much, you know, like different, like not that I. I still love six line things, way I am. But it was just like I know I'm not living off of my potential, like I know I could like do better in a way, right. And then I was like but why? Why am I not doing that? Right? And then that fear creeped up and I was like I'm so terrified of being a woman in this world. And then I was like where's this coming from? Like I'm terrified of being a target again. I'm terrified of being seen and being attractive and kind of like yeah, being being a powerful woman.

Bumblebee:

26:02

I shared with you that some element of that is also to do with. I feel like people would not take my knowledge as serious anymore, because now I know, okay, it's not because I look pretty or whatever it's, it's like they are genuinely interested on my intellect and my, my knowledge, my wisdom, um, which is so important for me and has always been like, even when I was younger. I didn't just want to be a pretty face, you know, I didn't like. I wanted people to look behind what, what's being, what I'm presenting physically do you ever feel that you were discredited because you're this beautiful woman?

Vaness Henry:

26:41

no, so where does this come from exactly? I, I was talking with you, talking about you with my husband, and I showed. I went on your Instagram and was showing him your account. He's like oh my god, she's stunning. And then clicked a reel and you had used a photo of you when you were blonde you were fuller and then the reel of you started. You did not look like that and he went oh my God, she's unwell. I said, yes, that's why. That's literally why I was like hi, hello, and I want to, I want to be honest with you. It was. I could see. It was shocking for him to think you were going to look one way and then you came and you looked a different way and I could see how that would really affect your work and how you share and present to the world.

Bumblebee:

27:29

Interesting. You bring that up because I that my, my assistant, she basically used like all of the photos that like from a folder, whatever folders you had, photos you had, yeah, exactly, and I said to my friend I don't know what it is, but I feel so disconnected from my Instagram, from everything.

Vaness Henry:

27:46

I feel like people don't even it doesn't look like you. They don't see you because it's it's not where you are. You're right, I didn't realize it was because of the pictures. Right, I was like right Cause. Then, girl, you had a dissonance. You're like oh, why aren't people? I'm feeling now I'm pissed at my community Like, but now you're identifying with disconnect is.

Bumblebee:

28:03

And my friend was like, yeah, maybe it is because you use all of these old pictures. I'm like, yeah, and I don't want to. That's not me. Like like when I remember that, yeah, it looked beautiful, right, but I was not well. Like everyone looks at these pictures like, oh, she was so much better. You know, everyone is like you should look like that again. Like no, because I was fuck. People say that to you. I was literally more miserable than I was now, even though physically it might look different, right, but I but I'm the most happiest, like the most content, the most blissful, like the most creative, like that I've ever been. And back then I was just so fucking lost. I just looked nice, you know, yeah.

Vaness Henry:

28:47

So you're saying I was spiritually or emotionally, mentally, my subtle bodies were deeply unwell, but physically it had not seeped into my body at that point, and so I looked physically a certain way.

Bumblebee:

28:57

I was addicted to the gym, to working out seven days a week, to having, you know, like rigid diet and like no flexibility, and I was not happy with like anything.

Vaness Henry:

29:11

And you know. Then you go on the roof and you're you're different now and you're not as resilient. You can't handle that. Your body isn't really here to have that type of regimented intake, right as a thirst color with an outer vision tone. It's going to periodically change. What worked is not going to work. Oh, I'm sick of this, I don't want this and I got to mix it up. But you're going to need to mix up your work in the world. You're going to need to mix up your fitness. You're going to need to mix up your relationships, like that's just a part of your, the way you digest reality. I think this is a really poignant part to point out. You're the cross of masks and that's a famous example is Kylie Jenner. How do you feel about the cross of masks and maybe you could tell us a little bit about what that means and what that feels like for you?

Bumblebee:

29:59

I am uncovering many layers to this.

Bumblebee:

30:02

I really love is my incarnation cross, I think Joe Rogen, not Joe Rogan. Dr Rogan, a really important like podcaster, also has it and I was like yeah, that's interesting, he also does the podcast, because for me in my work it really helps me, or it basically makes me, I guess, see behind everyone's mask, like no one can bullshit me, you know, no one can bullshit me, even if they can still bullshit themselves like I see, even beyond that, and that's why people are. I think a lot of people are terrified by me too, like I've noticed that, like even in public, and they don't know who I am, but people just look at me and sometimes, you know, in the past I felt really like an alien in the room.

Vaness Henry:

30:47

They just look at me and are like spooked, you know, because they sense that I can see and like what a beautiful example of having inner vision in your environment variable because like, yeah, in aligned you're just like, yeah, I see beneath it all, I see through it all. Like you can't trick me, you can't play me, I go, I go to a different dimension man, and I can see.

Bumblebee:

31:08

I see you body naked but don't, don't tell him. I mean it's. It's amazing for the work that I do, because I really help people to unmask every single fucking layer of their conditioning and, yeah, basically remove all the masks from their true self, from their true essence. Right, and the masks I really see as me unpeeling the onions of conditioning, like all the masks, all the all the masks. So that's, that's the beautiful thing. But also in my own journey, it's like constantly doing that too. You know I'm a left angle, so I I'm always going through it all.

Vaness Henry:

31:48

And your projector. So your, your capacity for brilliant recognition of what's going on right, Like I can't claim to be able to do that in the way that you are designed to do. That you know, and so what you will see when you focus on the other can be really profound. I could see how that would be intimidating to people sometimes. For sure, you know, like I'm not ready to deal with my shit. You know, like there's no, if there's no invitation, right, Then it's going to feel pokey and we're going to be like I get it and also you see their shit. You still see it.

Bumblebee:

32:17

I get it and also you see their shit. You still see it. Yeah, you know it's and it's not even. You know. I need the energetic invitation too, but sometimes I also don't, and that's not always easy. You know where? I just get insights about someone and I'm like why do I need to? You know, why do I need to?

Vaness Henry:

32:36

you know, when I was was first finding the courage and heart to approach you know why do I need to?

Vaness Henry:

32:38

You know, when I was was first finding the courage and heart to approach you to see if you would work with me or let me learn through you. My friends were like you're a manifester, just go initiate, just you can do whatever you want. And I was like that is so not how it is, though, and they were like what do you mean? And I was like I I understand that I'm a manifester and I'm allowed quote unquote to go and initiate and start something, but I am equipped with a projector mind and I can feel, when there is an opening, because ultimately, I want to be received, I don't want to be rejected. It makes me feel repelling. That feels awful for me. It makes me feel repelling. That feels awful for me. So I want to look for where is the opening here? That, then, is the opportunity where I can go in and have my impact, you know. So it's not just like you're fucking bull in a China shop, like I get that. I get that. That is there, but ultimately, I want to be received, and so I want to come at the at the best angle, if that makes sense, you know.

Vaness Henry:

33:39

So, when I was kind of finding the courage to approach you and then figure out what will this dynamic be, there are some places where I really triggered you, which you know I can't avoid things. I triggered you and a couple of the ways that I had triggered you, where I was saying, obviously I want to see how I can support you in putting on weight. And you were like, and I was like, oh, okay, let's pause here. And you're like that sounds so unappealing to me, like I don't want to put on weight, I want to feel stronger, I want to, you know, and it was so, oh, it was so calibrating for me and it showed me this other side of you and the other place I had triggered you.

Vaness Henry:

34:19

I was like, well then, let's set some kind of goals that we can work toward and I can go through with you. You're like, oh, goals, like Vanessa, like that is the worst for me. And I was like, okay, let me stop everything that I think how I would approach this and let me just be in the community and let me just check in, because I'm thinking where we want to reset things first, to make her feel more full, to make her feel more strong, to make her feel more passionate would be to show she's deeply valued by her community. And I have to tell you, when I go and I take in your content, I'm sneaky about it too, cause I don't want people to spy on me. So I'm like I'm sp spying.

Bumblebee:

34:58

I'm reading comments your community loves you. You're just such such a it's. It's wild how scorpio you are, with your moon in the eighth house and read me for phil tell me what you see, I love this about you this was like why is that?

Bumblebee:

35:15

is it? You're so like? You're even more secretive, private and like detective mode, like than me, and I might have an eighth house stellium, but you also have, you know, venus in the 12th house and then again, like mars and the moon conjunct in eighth, which is nice, depending on the health of the system you're using.

Vaness Henry:

35:34

Yeah, you make you make big eyes when you do that.

Bumblebee:

35:37

I would love to hear how you interpret that, everything, like how you even approach, like still you're like this really secretive, like you know that there needs to be like some private, like, yeah, secretive, I think.

Vaness Henry:

35:51

I'm like a deeply, deeply private person and also I'm very public, so I'm transparent in that, whatever you're going to ask me, I'll tell you.

Bumblebee:

36:02

It's like it's this like harmony, but then also very public, you know yeah.

Vaness Henry:

36:07

But I, in order to be able to, because I have to say like I will go out and I'm I'm not going to lie about anything, there's no story I'm going to avoid. I know you can relate to me here. It's like the feeling is I'm an open book. Ask me what you want and I will tell you, and if I'm uncomfortable I'll find a way to move around that. But then I'm going to retreat and you're not going to see me. And so in my personal life I don't know anyone in my community, like I like politely do, but I hide here and no one knows me. And there have been times where someone has approached me in public and like are you Vanessa Henry? And the way I want to hide it's like how did you find me? How do you know me? But then when I go on the internet, this new realm, this new world, this new reality, I'm very public and I'm very known there, and so to me it feels very six. Two, it feels very six in the digital. Two, in the private life.

Bumblebee:

36:59

But you have a special in your chart that feeds into that and that's your core wound, which is the 11th house Chiron cancer. So you are terrified that people will reject you.

Vaness Henry:

37:13

Absolutely and as a manifester I shared with you. I want to be received. I don't want to. Hearing I was repelling was the most devastating thing you could have ever told me.

Bumblebee:

37:23

That's you are like okay, I'm going to show myself, but to my own, like, in my own protective my way absolutely. Yeah, my own protective bubble. I'm not just going to put myself out there, because that would be too vulnerable for me. I would feel naked and oh my gosh, what if people then don't?

Vaness Henry:

37:40

receive me and I have had the experiences where they don't, and so and and and I people seem to think I'm some big tough guy and I have to tell everybody like I am so fucking sensitive, like I have thin skin, like I they're like if you're going to be in the public eye, you need to tolerate it. It's like I don't choose to be in the public eye. Like put my work out there and then there's a spotlight that goes on it and it's fucking terrifying. I could totally hide away in the mountains and write books, but I feel called to talk about the certain work that I have and my life has become gradually getting more and more empowered in a way to not care so much if I'm not received. But that's been a journey. The reality is I care because I've been groomed to be a people pleaser.

Bumblebee:

38:28

Of course you are Libra, but then also on top of that, that's why you are Leo rising, which means that you naturally are more Aquarian. So you're very much like-. Oh, what do you mean?

Vaness Henry:

38:38

by that Because of the relationship with Leo and Aquarius.

Bumblebee:

38:41

Yeah, because you are naturally more Aquarian, because you have to learn that, how to rise into your Leo ascendant, which basically means that your natural habitat is more like. No, I'm the Aquarian, I'm going to watch humanity from the sidelines.

Bumblebee:

38:58

I'm going to return from the group specifically because of my cancer in the 11th house, karen, in the 11th house, and you want to learn to just be like. I don't fucking care who rejects me or not. I'm the star of the show. I'm putting myself on the stage, I'm a legal rising right, but that's not easy for you.

Vaness Henry:

39:20

What has really helped me on that journey was I, because it's not fun to go somewhere alone like I want my friends to be with me, because that's safe.

Bumblebee:

39:26

You know that's correct right, yeah.

Vaness Henry:

39:28

So it's like how can we go there or how can? So I will often um collaborate with people or do things with others and and, in truth, there's an aspect of me that hides behind them and that has gotten louder since I went on the roof, because when I was a young person and not a fully developed six line yet I was a performer. I played on stages. I loved that and I had this sort of resilience about me, but I would step into a character. I had a stage name and that protected me. When I started writing, I had a pen name. I was always able to create this facade, if you will, and then step into it and really amplify that character. I even did that in my work. Now my name legally is Vanessa Rae Henry, but I go by Vanessa Henry because I want you to say Vanessa, because it sounds like we're friends, like you've given me a nickname. I give everyone a nickname, so it's like how I bond to them. You're Bumblebee, for goodness sakes.

Vaness Henry:

40:26

And it was just like it suddenly a part of me was feeling guilty and bad that I was doing all that, and then something happened where I was like you know what? That's fun for me. I have an undefined G center. It's fun to step into these different characters and I love to entertain people. I love to make people laugh. It's too bad that they think I'm some big, mean, scary guy, you know, because I want to come in and make you feel, and make you laugh till you cry or make you feel weak and emotional. I just want to make people feel what I'm feeling. I want to share it with you.

Vaness Henry:

41:01

But then what happened which is, you know, part of this journey is there was commentary, like I was inauthentic or fake. So I was like what the fuck? Like I'm putting on a show, like obviously this is a performance, you know. And so then, at that point, I really went on the roof and then became, I would say, more transparent, like I'm putting on a show for you, like I was just saying what I was doing and being more boldly experimental with my work, and through that, I started to feel more confident and empowered, because a community started to grow around me and it's like they became an army or something. So when people would come and attack me which which can happen, right, just the nature of, of, like the type of work we do in the world. I didn't have to deal with it anymore because this army around me, this like family, was like you don't get her fuck off, and they would push back for me. And that was like whoa and they would push back for me and that was like whoa. So what I started doing at that point was I just completely tuned out the bullshit like the, the trolling or the what. I'd completely tuned it out and stopped looking at it and put my boundaries in place. That protected me.

Vaness Henry:

42:12

And I, while I know that kind of stuff is still there, I truly don't see it because I refuse to engage with it, because it will just deeply bring me down and and it's like well, you got one negative comment and a thousand positive ones. How can you let that bring you down? It's like it. Look it does. I'm a sensitive fucking baby. I'm only just learning how to not be affected by that. I don't claim to have that in me. I want to get there, but I don't know yet. So it does hurt me and when it hurts me, I go away and lick my fucking wounds and I cried on my little friends and my little tribe and my little army. You know what I mean. And they hold me and I didn't have that before.

Vaness Henry:

42:54

And so the healing process of putting myself out there and not being a people pleaser and letting myself entertain when it's fun, has just been a healing journey, you know, because at the end of the day, people want to be entertained, they want to laugh, they want to cry, they want to feel, they want to have an experience, and I think being brave enough to put yourself out there and tell your story has an impact.

Vaness Henry:

43:21

And so as soon as I started getting louder about my story like look, I'm in this, I'm a cancer survivor, my parent died, this is what happened to me People were kind of like oh shit, and they didn't want to push back anymore. You know they were going to look like an asshole if they started critiquing that. So so as soon as I found the heart to say what was going on with me, what had happened to me, man did the dynamic change and and some of my friends were like every time you say that like your story slaps, like we're like holy shit, like that's a lot, okay, okay, six line manifestor traumas go on the roof. If those things happened to me, I'd be a fucking weirdo too. I'd be on some weird shamanic path too. So they left me alone because they they, I think they recognize what was going on. At least, that's kind of how I'm choosing to see it. What's?

Bumblebee:

44:09

coming up for you. I can really relate to that. I mean, I'm born with Chiron, conjunctus son in the eighth house. Wow, wow, wow.

Vaness Henry:

44:17

Okay, talk about my wound of rejection and yeah how do you interpret that for some of us listening who are not, as you know, astrologically fluent as you? How do you interpret that?

Bumblebee:

44:28

I have to come to terms with that. My brightest light will trigger the heck out of people for the rest of my life and I I'm also born with Uranus as the first planet after my ascendant, which means that it's the most dominant. What people sense Like I'm a walking trigger. I just am like, no matter what I do, I will trigger, you know.

Vaness Henry:

44:50

And does that feel like for you?

Bumblebee:

44:52

challenging, of course right, because I feel like I can. I mean, in the past it was more like because I saw triggers in a different way, where you don't always want to trigger, you know you don't always want to do, but you want to maybe activate people, to summon something in them, but triggering them is like it seems to sometimes have. It's like I wasn't trying to do that you know I want to awaken something, but but I mean earlier, I don't even have to do anything to trigger people and that can be really hard.

Bumblebee:

45:27

You know, when I go out in public, I just trigger people, you know, and and I can't came to terms with it now where I'm like, yeah, I just am this weird alien person that you know, just hopefully inspires someone to think different about the world and themselves and, just you know, open their perception up to new opportunities and possibilities. So I'm not holding back anymore because I know that I'm planting seeds, or you know the bee analogy I'm pollinizing, yes, I'm always pollinizing and that's important, that's my role and to be more proud of it, you know that I have, in a way, then, with my light, the power to activate something in someone, to activate some hidden thing and in their DNA or in the energetic field. I'm like, yeah, my light activates something that could be a lightning bolt right In their electric circuits. I see it more and but still it's like there's also this you know what we spoke earlier with being a woman that if I'm a, second line body, right, a second line body.

Vaness Henry:

46:34

So there there's something special that people are attracted to at times, and there's a lot of devastating stories about six, two kids who are assaulted in ways, subtly, because of this attraction to their body. And I had my own experiences with that. I know you have had your own experiences with that and I relate to you. When, with this feeling of like, hide your body, don't look at me, or don't see me for that, like when I was in high school, I was a kid who had been assaulted in a safe place and then, at the time of I grew up in high school, the hockey team boys were spanking us up the hallway. Like it was just so. Like holy fuck, that is so not okay. You know what I mean.

Vaness Henry:

47:19

I would dress in turtlenecks and big sweaters Cause I just didn't want them to see my body. And my body was talked about in high school before I was even they even knew my name. Like my boobs were talked about, my body was such a, and what they were going to do to my body it was like oh my God, I'm terrified to be here, don't look at me, I don't want to be a woman, I don't want to be in this body. This is an inherently vulnerable body. Like fuck that. And went on that journey of like don't look at me. And you know, leo, rising like sure, I want to put makeup on, I want to, I want to feel cute, and also don't look at me. So there's like this little war that goes on, and it was so interesting to hear you say you know, like I want people to be interested in my work, in my perspective, and not think, oh, it's just another pretty face. There must be an idiot. I tend to lead with my face, like I will put on a whole face and I'll be like look at me, I want your fucking attention. You know what I mean.

Vaness Henry:

48:19

And I am treated so differently when I have makeup on and I don't have makeup on, it's wild and like look I'm. I'm just going to say this. I got brown hair, brown eyes. I'm an average build, average face, like I have just an average missile can blend into the crowd, okay, and I I'm not looking for a compliment. I'm aware of what I look like and also I know how to turn it on, I know how to accentuate, I know how to do the glam that if I want you to look at me. You're going to look at me, so I put it on because it's fun for me, you know, and there are times where I want to go in the world and I want everyone to look at me Like it's like I want the attention, I want to feel confident, I want to be intimidating. And then there are the times where it's like I don't want a soul to know I exist. I'm going to have my little hood on, like no one's going to notice me.

Vaness Henry:

49:14

But the treatment I receive when I have to interact with someone is truly night and day. If I am glammed up and I look like I've got money or whatever, the fucking story is the person's telling. They treat me like I'm royalty and when I'm not done up, they're flippant or rude or dismissive, and and I will come at them with the same energy, but I'm not coming at them with the same energy, right, like it's. It's really it's about me and I just think that is so like now that like I use that. You know, I don't want to say it's a weapon, but it's like if I want to, if I'm going to be intimidating and I'm going to go on stage and I'm going to talk to these thousand people on this stage. Then I'm going to put on a show and I'm going to look a certain way Like I'm going to do the glam, put on the costume, like I'm a performer, you know as what? That's what I literally was groomed from being four to do, that, whether it was dance or acting or singing or whatever the case may be. You know, and it's not that it's like fake, it's that it's fun.

Vaness Henry:

50:18

And it's shocking to me that, like my husband doesn't, that doesn't happen to him, like he's just treated like this one way, this tall dude, he gets his respect and people don't scare him and he walks around, like you know, and I'm just like that's not my experience at all Like it's wild. So when you talk about like walking on the street, people are triggered by you. I share that experience. I. I have an, and heaven forbid I should be wearing something like low cut. It's funny, I'm in a turtleneck right now talking to you. But heaven forbid my breasts should be like showing cleavage.

Vaness Henry:

50:46

Men, women, everyone bypasses my face and just looks there and it's uncomfortable for me and I have had a breast reduction to be like you know, like altering my body to, to be missable, because I so, so afraid that someone's going to look at me and then assault me again or hurt me again. Or I didn't have so much of the. No one has ever really made me feel dumb or like, oh, she's smart or she's pretty, so she must be dumb, or anything like that. You know, that was more a me thing. I don't want them to think I'm an idiot, so I'm going to try and look a little more, you know, but ultimately I have found that leading with my face or putting that on has helped me get attention.

Vaness Henry:

51:32

Like, listen to me now. And they're like, oh, look at that cute lipstick, what's she doing? And then it's enough for me to grab them to listen, because it's like they don't listen to me otherwise and that pisses me off, you know. And ultimately I'm going to compromise, like what do I got to do to be received rather than repelled, which they're like? As you pointed out, there's kind of trauma in that. How do you see yourself in that, with your own story in that? How do you?

Bumblebee:

51:56

see yourself in that with your own story. I think it comes back to also again like that, this wound in a way too, and I think it's from my work or parents. But in general just never like also my genius to freak channel where I feel like I'm never like people, don't really understand me Like I'm never being received, or so that tells me.

Vaness Henry:

52:21

You grew up in an environment that made you feel other than misunderstood, and so now you have created that story inside, where it's like Seriously you know, not taken seriously, that's like oh no Like.

Bumblebee:

52:28

And again, I'm, you know, being a six to self-projected projector in I I want to say my parents, not my dad so much, but my mom, for example. I always felt like I'm the parent you know, I am wiser like even to this point where I'm like counseling her through her relationship stuff. I'm like, oh gosh, you know I'm the parent here how's that feel for you?

Bumblebee:

52:55

now I'm like grateful that I can provide that, but obviously that means that I just had to learn everything around nurturing and mothering and all of that it's a form of emotional abuse.

Vaness Henry:

53:07

Yeah, it's a form of emotional abuse. Yeah.

Bumblebee:

53:09

I know I learned a lot about that, but that and that it makes me my, you know, gives me my Capricorn moon. My dad wasn't there, you know. So it's like, yeah, I had to be both parents for myself and clearly had huge issues with that, you know, and I mean the whole thing around nutrition and stuff. It's probably the biggest thing. So what's that? Where I was utterly confused because my mom was on a diet when she was pregnant with me. So I grew up already in a scarcity mentality. Okay, hold on, pause, pause, pause.

Vaness Henry:

53:43

Let me come Hold on. I had a whole reaction. So you're in gestation, your mom is growing you, yeah, and she's limiting her diet and what she can intake.

Bumblebee:

53:53

Yeah, basically my mom didn't grow me, it was source, you know that grew me Of, of course, your origin story is deeply confused around nourishment. I would not have survived if it was not for you can say the light of grace or whatever it was but I literally didn't even breathe, like I didn't have the strength in my lungs to breathe because I was underdeveloped and was in an incubator then, um yeah, basically forced to breathe, like you know.

Bumblebee:

54:20

that's why I still, to this day, I have issues with my lungs and and with breathing open heart yeah, and and so I know that and the only thing that helps me is my meditation practice and like, conscious, like breathing techniques where I'm really connecting to source energy and get my energy back from that. And I had multiple, multiple um, yeah, I want to say near-death experiences where I didn't breathe anymore and then I really felt that the life force, you know, that intelligence that runs everything in life, was flowing back into my body to be like literally, like they do in the hospital with the and how do you say that? Like there's those electromagnetic things. I've had these electromagnetic shocks around my heart and lung space, but not from the hospital, but from, like, literally, source energy. That's why I know so well how to use that energy, how to cultivate that.

Bumblebee:

55:15

You know, people call it the kundalini, whatever it is, but it's just that electricity that flows back into you and energizes you, you know, and at the end of the day, there are even people that are completely fed by that right, that don't eat, and all of that. Not that I want to go there, but it's like I know that this is real because it has been my experience. I would not have survived. But then also again this other confusion around well, how do I like, how much do I even need? Because I grew up with like I'm not supposed to need anything, because yes, like let's, let's look at that.

Vaness Henry:

55:51

So you're a child raised in the 90s and your mother is a woman in the 90s, which you know heroin, chic and like, like that's what we were fucking groomed and conditioned as.

Bumblebee:

56:03

so you're you're much with because of that. I mean, yeah, my mom was a model when she was younger, but it was more like okay, so no, she's had a pressure with her diet her whole life.

Bumblebee:

56:15

The issue is and that's why I you know, knowing her story and seeing her as a human too it was always overweight and always had, you know, issues because of that, when it was bullied because of that, and she never wanted us to be overweight because she was afraid that we would be bullied. But then also, I was the second child and she, she gained a lot of weight in her first pregnancy and she was just terrified that it would happen again. And that's why, of course, so human, yeah, it's so human and I get it. You know, and she didn't understand that because back then the knowledge or awareness was not there that what you do actually in pregnancy shapes the child more than you know when the child is here so have you talked to her about that?

Bumblebee:

57:03

I tried, but it's still not really something where she has the I want.

Bumblebee:

57:09

She's not open to receiving it, kind of thing no, it's, there's, how do I put that's vibrationally, the awareness is not as open and even though I have to say last week she had literally my mom texted me and I was like something is going on with reality. Yeah, what went on? She texted me and even with the languaging was kind of weird about it because it was English and she's German, like she never uses English words, but she texts me. Hey, can we, can we talk? Because I had a healing. She would never use the term healing. I'm like a healing, like and who does she go to?

Vaness Henry:

57:45

she goes to her baby. Who knows all about that? Hey, wow yeah.

Bumblebee:

57:49

And then I was like, yeah, sure we can have a call. And then she told me she somehow a friend of her recommended a woman and it turned out she was a medium. And so my mom had a mediumship session where she could ask questions and were basically like that person was plugging into her energetic field, her now husband's energetic field, and then she also was like wanted to ask some questions around me and apparently my soul, my energy field, told her a few things and she asked me and she was really open to receive my answer and that's actually something I never asked myself even. And she asked me have I been really controlling? Did you feel controlled by me? And I was like, sitting there, you're like crying, sitting there with the question, I'm like, wow, that's not. Not, I never even asked myself. But now that you asked, like you say that, yeah, really like the controlling around everything, like food, um, like behavior, like everything was really controlling and I have full body goosebumps right now.

Bumblebee:

58:59

Girl like in and it brought up all of these things around again, like the, specifically with, like what we spoke earlier with the timing and food, because I know my, you know, on the holidays, for example, there were, there were all of these rules around. If we go for um lunch or like the holiday gathering kind of meal, right, because it's so much we can't have, we can't have breakfast because we're going to go there anyways soon, right, and then afterwards restrictions about eating now and now you can't have a next meal, oh my God, okay.

Bumblebee:

59:31

No, anything else in the day, because I mean you basically ate for the whole day and just one meal, like so you can basically wait it out until the next day, but wait a second, then it's the next second holiday. So you would also skip breakfast again the next day and also just happen. And it was like all of these things and you were confused because you were hungry but then you're not supposed to eat, and then you were greedy. If you would be hungry and like, oh gosh, can I, you know?

Vaness Henry:

59:57

and so holidays sound like a nightmare. Supposed to be this time of ease and celebration sounds like a nightmare.

Bumblebee:

1:00:03

It was a nightmare. It was like, okay, I need to starve and feast and starve and feast, but then it was also not just the holidays. It was generally like, basically, our nutrition was really based on her nutrition, her mood around around that. So we also had, like, these diet periods and like now we need to be healthier again and my mom would lock specific things from like from us and then she could have them, but we can't. And it was this whole messed up thing where she was really controlling what we can have and cannot have. So did you?

Vaness Henry:

1:00:36

share what you just shared with me, with her, when she asked you that question, did you give her those examples? Yeah, what did she say? How she received that? No, she cause she's not looking at her daughter and you're like, clearly my body, at a cellular level, is inside, is dealing with this as a, as a parent, that this would be really hard for me, like that I would have a lot of guilt and shame and grief in me, like I would feel responsible. You know I've and I'm looking at you with your open heart, just waiting to be someone to come manipulate and control you, like so that you can learn that you do not have to deal with that. And then it's your mother, it's your creator. It's devastating.

Bumblebee:

1:01:19

She doesn't really take it on. I want to say, or at least not.

Vaness Henry:

1:01:23

She probably can't handle it.

Bumblebee:

1:01:25

She's protecting herself, I think. But then at the same time it kind of backfires because for her whole life, I guess now, or like my whole life, she's been worried about me, because she feels so guilty and she's like she feels, so she's like she cannot, you know.

Bumblebee:

1:01:43

But then also again that rippled into her always, like literally always, commenting on my body like it was never enough, like no matter, like even you know, when I was that blonde chick with like a bit more weight on, still I was too skinny With your cute little lipstick and stuff, yeah, I was still too skinny, my body was still not good, like I was still not well. So that made me always feel like no, I'm like there's always something wrong with my body, like always something wrong with my body Always.

Vaness Henry:

1:02:12

You have said something to me in the past that I thought was very sparkly, and you said I always feel like I'm just trying to learn how to build a body. Yeah, like, just what? Like, what does that mean to you?

Bumblebee:

1:02:28

It just felt like my body is always a work in progress, like it's never, it's never built, but I, you know, even now speaking to you about it, I think that actually also goes back to my birth story, where my body was not, was not ready. You know, my body was not even developed fully and I like come here chills again, chill like okay.

Vaness Henry:

1:02:47

So one of my major signs that my body produces, as somebody who shores with a sense of touch when something is like my body goes listen here, pay attention here I get full body chills and I'm having it's like vibrating over here. You said to me in gestation, in my mom's stomach I was not receiving the nutrients I needed to grow so and I was born not fully developed. And I was born not fully developed and so I have now lived a life trying to figure out how to build this body, build an energetic body, and feel comfortable in my body, not feel like an underdeveloped person, cause the story I'm carrying as I walk the playing field of life is I'm not fully developed. Now you go on the roof, you have your epiphany moments, you're wiser, you see things differently and it's time to deal with your shit. And all these experiences are coming out of the body now and we are deeply confused. And how do I build this body? I do not know. I was not given what I needed, and so that is my story now and I've created this life for myself in this field where I deeply want to understand the energetics of what makes us healthy. What's going on in the sky and how does it impact us? Because I want to understand how to take care of myself, live a good life, be successful in the way that I'm designed to fall in love, have my own family, heal these wounds that I didn't, that I didn't get what I needed when I was little, and that's devastating to me.

Vaness Henry:

1:04:22

And now I have this body that's deeply confused because it wants to go this one way, it wants to live like this. But everything in my past experiences has shown me that that's not right, that's not the way. And so, of course, I'm confused at a deeply cellular level, even though, like, consciously, I can say like, no, like, come on. But my whole experience has shown me otherwise, and it was my creators who showed me how to live that way. That's your God right, that's who created you and that's what's showing me. Starve yourself here, starve yourself there, don't eat there. And now your body is on the roof and it wants to's what's showing me. Starve yourself here, starve yourself there, don't eat there. And now your body is on the roof and it wants to do what's actually aligned for it. But so, of course, it's going to be confused. There is so much grief here in this to me Like I could weep over this. I want to confess something to you. I have kind of I've said it off camera but in my own way I have felt that confusion deep in the body. I'm somebody who will, who has a past of being traumatized with medicines, so I would.

Vaness Henry:

1:05:25

I was forced to take a pharmacy of pills when I was sick, so I really rejected that after. I don't want this. It scares me, but the irony is I started self-medicating with sugars and cannabis and coffee and then my body started not wanting that, but I was still ingesting it, so I stopped eating food altogether. Because I feel sick, I am nauseous. I was nauseous all the fall. Oh my gosh. My body was like no, no, no. But it was so confused because I kept putting in these medicines that I was not respecting, and so I had to have this purging experience where I didn't take in anything like for weeks, it was just very minimal. And then it's like I was reset and I went and had an eggs Benedict the other day is my favorite like breakfast meal, it's like my go to, and it was so heavy I couldn't eat for the rest of the day. I was so sick and I was like, oh my gosh, what else have I been putting in here? That's actually making me sick, without me realizing, because I just I don't know.

Vaness Henry:

1:06:23

I'm just, you know, bopping around doing whatever, and through that experience and then hearing your story, it makes me wonder about the inner confusion on a cellular level I have shared with you. I think a deeply confused cell can manifest into things like cancers, because you know I'm. For example, we have an open center and a tumor fills that space. Isn't that weird? You know, I'm trying to be this one way. My body says I have to be like this, but it's not natural to me. So I'm going to try and define that center somehow to be that and it's a tumor. It's not natural and it grew inside the body. So how can my body be so confused that it's manifesting things like that? And cancer is just one example. Of course, right, we see this a lot with autoimmune things Confused.

Vaness Henry:

1:07:10

The body's so confused because the environment around it is not supportive to what's natural to that person. And I feel like I'm hearing that in your story. And now you're in that part of your process where you're reclaiming what healthy is to you how you want to actually build a body. So if you were guiding me and I wanted to learn how to build a body and I'm like bumblebee, I'm confused inside. I don't know, like, how do I build this body? How would you, bumblebee? I'm confused inside. I don't know, like, how do I build this body? How would you guide me? What would you say to me?

Bumblebee:

1:07:42

first of all, I would look at all of your energetics first and see what. What the thing is. That. That's why I love to work with the tools like human design, astrology, gene keys, because it opens me up to seeing what I see or what I what helped me the most, which is connecting different lens. Yeah, and like this, I still believe you know, of course, nutrition and everything is important, but the more important factor to health is your electricity.

Vaness Henry:

1:08:13

Right, and can you expand on that? Yeah, does that mean then?

Bumblebee:

1:08:17

it's, it's understanding that every disease is a form of the electric current is not flowing into your cells anymore. So why is that? You know what is happening. Why is the life force not wanting to be or not flowing there? And then going back into that and and understanding that usually it is because you yourself have created some energetic blockages towards that flow. So the question is why? And then how can we clear that out of the field? It usually is trauma, it's usually not intentional, right?

Vaness Henry:

1:08:55

We're not conscious of that, so it takes a mammoth amount of self-awareness and development to even have the capacity to recognize that's going on with you. Like you say, my mom's not really open to this because there hasn't been that kind of reflection, though it sounds like she might be starting a journey hey, sounds like something's happening there.

Bumblebee:

1:09:14

She realizes she does hypnosis and stuff like that now too, I think sounds like something's happening there. He realizes she does hypnosis and stuff like that now too. That, I think that's you know really why our relationship got so much better. Now she's really doing some crazy work that I never thought she would do.

Vaness Henry:

1:09:26

So you're gonna be so affected by that right, like it's in the line, it's in the maternal line. Yeah, in that way, yeah, makes me have like I feel lucky that I have a. I have a mother who's pretty open. I wouldn't let her be otherwise. You know what I mean. I'm like this is what I'm doing, no, stopping me Bye, like you know what I mean, and so she's just kind of like you're nuts, but it seems to work for you.

Vaness Henry:

1:09:45

So I don't know how you do what you do, but I think, now that I'm a parent, because of the way I viewed my parents' choices, it can make me have a little bit of paranoia about my choices and how that affects my child. My child is nine now and I see how, like the ways I've impacted him or things he's developed, and it's like, oh God, like it's kind of terrifying, you know, and and it ha, it happens subtly like cause they are watching what you're doing, they are taking it in passively At least my child does a lot and it it through him. It makes me see how little I was when things happened to me and how not okay that was, and it's shocking to me how much grief comes out through that, through like seeing it, seeing this little kid not get what they needed, or being mistreated by the caregivers unintentionally sometimes, because our parents are humans and have their own things going on and their parents had their own things going on and didn't. Our parents didn't get what they needed and so it's just passing down and so then it reaches this point I have chills again, where we're like in a, in a lucky generation, where we're going, we're seeing the child and the human in our own parent and no longer blaming them and I think there's a healing happening there and I think you doing your healing is affecting your mom.

Vaness Henry:

1:11:12

It's no accident that your mom's going on this journey and your work is what it is. Give me a break. She's obsessed with you. You're her baby and you're the reason she's even open or considering, looking at the things that have happened to her, like your guidance may be direct or indirect, but it's there and it's profound and she wouldn't be able to look at herself. I don't feel without you as her daughter, you know. And how do you blame mom?

Bumblebee:

1:11:41

But in that I have to say it must be an energetic thing, because she does not understand what I'm sharing.

Vaness Henry:

1:11:47

Well, she doesn't speak these fucking languages right. You have to understand, like gene keys, A whole language, Human design.

Bumblebee:

1:11:56

A whole language, yes, but also a different language, because she only speaks German, and I do a whole other barrier right like a whole other yeah, yeah, yeah.

Vaness Henry:

1:12:05

Do you ever feel like the need to like explain things to her?

Bumblebee:

1:12:08

or there maybe is an invitation, but no, if I I mean yeah, sometimes I, you know, just the other day I had to explain her because I just felt like she needs to hear that if she understands, it's all good for you, but I really knew like that was like literally guided from source.

Bumblebee:

1:12:29

You need to say this now, it will plant a seed and it might help. So, basically, there was a situation she's now going through a divorce and she was having a dinner with her still husband that she will, you know, separate from, and they wanted to talk about stuff whatever, and he basically has left her and ever since went into like drinking a lot and smoking a lot, like doing all of these not dealing with it not dealing with it, sleeping with other women, like you know.

Bumblebee:

1:13:04

He was really like basically, you know, kind of like midlife crisis situation, and obviously that hurt her a lot and like all of these things, and I I helped her through it. But she told me that they had a really good talk the other day. Whatever he cooked for her and they, you know, it sounded really good. But then in the side sentence she was like, yeah, and then we had a glass of wine and a joint and I'm like mom, yeah, mom, I have to interrupt you, I'm not a party downer and I'm not, you know, saying like you can'm not a party downer and I'm not, you know, saying like you can't have a glass of wine or, um, a joint, like that's. You know, of course, yeah, and also.

Bumblebee:

1:13:48

But then I told her like let me explain to you the energetics of all of this, because if you maybe understand the energetics, you understand why you can do that with certain people and with certain people you better don't, because alcohol, and also my uranus to a certain degree, creates holes in your aura.

Bumblebee:

1:14:03

And I was like saying all of that and honestly, my mom should even talk about auras and stuff like that. I didn't know if she would understand what I'm saying, but I was basically telling her mom you created holes in your aura and then energy can creep in and you will be under the influence again and your head will be the next, the following days, confused again about should I leave him or not, or whatever. You don't even have to sleep with the person and your sacral is being affected and like it will flow into your field. And then you have to spend all the time to clear your field again, to clear these holes again. But if you don't have the awareness of that that was happening, then you will be confused and you know, back at square one. And then we sit here like we sat here two months ago, where you were crying over him because all of a sudden this is happening again. And then you wonder why. And it was just because you thought it would be fun to have a glass of wine with him.

Bumblebee:

1:14:56

And that is the 6-2 self-projected projector on the roof reading her for filth and then, you know, I was quiet for a second and then she was like, yeah, maybe it's not a good idea to do the things that oh, you got to her, yeah, you got to her genius to freak right there boom, maybe she doesn't understand the whole aura thing and whatever.

Bumblebee:

1:15:19

But then I also made her um order some sage good, and I told her I'll be used sage. And I was like you know, it's better that you use, you just sage the the living room when he was there, like just you know it's please, yeah, it smells good too, so just do it, you know.

Vaness Henry:

1:15:36

Good for you, man. Hey, these parents they're just people, but it's like fuck, do they affect us? You know my, my wound in cancer, the irony, but it's also it can be a wound to the mother, wound to the family, wound to the home, and and I find that when I hear people talk about things like that, oh, it's like I feel it right in the core of me. You know like I'm thinking of you as this little kid and this mom around there trying. You know so clearly there's she's got a dynamic with men and you know and how that's going to influence you and what you're now going to objectively see in her. So honestly, I thought that was so inspiring that you read her to filth and just fucking said that to her and it sounds like there was an opening, like she. She received it. So that's inspiring to me.

Bumblebee:

1:16:18

It's very cute. It's almost like I see my mom, just as this teenager that is confused about love or just wants to be loved and in a nice relationship would end up with all of these messed up situations where it's like that's probably her story, right?

Vaness Henry:

1:16:32

What happened to her when she was a teenager and what was the story there? And is she still stuck there in the same way that your story, where your story began, and what you learned, right? She's got her own thing and so I mean it's so hard to like hold animosity towards your parent, I find on the roof, because you just see them for, like, what happened to them and it's like of course you treated me that way because that's all you knew, or your home was violent or this happened, and it's just like I know for my mom it started happening where I was like you, poor thing, how dare they do that to you, how dare that happen to you? And like I'm no, I'm not going to keep being upset with you because that's just hurting me and I don't want to be hurting anymore.

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