No. 14 - Elevated Love with Cat Fitzgerald
Come hang with me and my friend Cat as we discuss love, grief, and how deconditioning affects the whole family and network.
Cat Fitzgerald is a Human Design and Astrology expert, with a background as a death doula and performer. She is a 3/5 Emotional Manifestor with a High Sound dietary regimen and Kitchens Environment, married to a 4/6 sacral being who resonates to the Mountain. A Human Design veteran, Cat opens up about the shift she experienced in her marriage as her husband went on the roof and confessed he wanted to explore a more feminine expression. Grappling with the range of emotions she had to navigate in order to keep the heart beating in her family, how did she feel about once having a husband, and now having a wife? How might it look to be excited for your partner, while also grieving the future you thought you were building together? Our conversation explores the 3/5 love story, what it’s like to witness 6-Line Profiles through their transition, and just how elevated the Mountain Environment can look in real life.
Find Cat at:
@catfitzgerald
@heartsong.hd
Vaness Henry: 0:03
It's Vaness Henry, you're listening to insights, my private podcast exclusively for community members like you. Here's my latest insight: I've invited my friend Cat Fitzgerald onto the show today. Cat is a 3/5 emotional manifestor and she's a kitchens person which we know I love to interview and chat with kitchens people. And she's also a high sound person, just like me, and so I often watch Cat's process in nourishing herself, feeding herself, taking care of herself, where her studies go as a form of deep nourishment. Cat has a background in human design and astrology for nearly a decade. She's a legend in the human design space. She's been a performer since the 2010s in musical theater and performing arts and also has a background as a death doula, and she does a lot of work as that emotional manifester, educating us on grief. Cat also has defined head centers. She comes with a lot of articulate mental energy, but she has this unique way of applying that into emotional experiences as the emotional manifestor. Isn't it weird, Cat, when people talk about you when you're right here?
Cat Fitzgerald: 1:25
It's kind of fun. It's fun to see how each different person describes me. I enjoy it.
Vaness Henry: 1:32
Cat, you had shared with me a little while ago about some personal things going on in your life with your family. I felt very impacted by your story. I felt very impacted by your story and you have two little kids at the time and you shared that your partner was this mountains person and he was in the cave. He was in the basement and we got into this conversation like he's got to get out of the basement.
Vaness Henry: 1:57
He's dying. And you know, admittedly we were way too intense there are two manis coming together. And your partner got jarred by that, of course, like who's this random person on the internet telling me to get out of the basement? Like, oh, you know, and that was so valid. That was this huge teaching moment for me of like you can't just force people out of their dysregulated body states, right. And then, as this story kind of continued, you then had shared my partner's actually transitioning Suddenly.
Vaness Henry: 2:28
The concept of being the mountains person in the basement made a shit ton of sense to me. And your partner happens to be a four, six profile and was doing that roof process in this sort of classic transition that we might hear the six line go through, in this sort of classic transition that we might hear the six line go through. And now this was not just transitioning and like I'm leaving my Saturn, return and becoming an energetic adult, but hey, I don't feel right in my form and the way I express myself in the world. You then get pregnant. You're having another baby. You're the primary breadwinner, you're taking care of your family. You're pregnant, your partner's going throughwinner. You're taking care of your family. You're pregnant, your partner's going through this transition. This is a lot, so how the hell did you move through that?
Cat Fitzgerald: 3:13
Man, I don't know, Just like one day at a time, totally. I used to be the type of person that was really kind of type A, I mean, I would work three jobs at once, would plan for the future, really regimented, almost this like very heavy Capricorn energy, which is not like my primary placement. That's my outers. But through my process of deconditioning, it's like I have no ability to do that anymore. I can't like. I've been applying to jobs since December of 2019. I'm probably in the thousands, but I don't want any of them, right, right.
Cat Fitzgerald: 3:50
It's like you're going through the motions of applying because you are the primary breadwinner, blah, blah, yeah, but it's not something like. I know I can't actually sustain that type of work anymore. That has left me in totality, you know. So work and sustaining just like things that you need to live has become like one day at a time. What can I do today? What do I want to do today? And some days it's like I'll go into my website and I realized I've already created 20 offers that are like ready to go. But when I was creating them, I was like, no, the name's not right, the branding is wrong, and I set it down and I was like, oh, I'll come back to this. And then, like two years later, I'm like look what I made.
Cat Fitzgerald: 4:33
Sometimes it's like that and sometimes it's like all I can do is pet my cat in the bed next to me like a small slug, and that is enough for the day, you know. But then you have three children and they all need various things from you, especially when two of them are manifestors and they each have their own little sparkly agenda for the day, you know Right. So it's been interesting and good. Mostly like, my body appreciates the slowing down. My mind has a hell of a time with it, because it's like there's always a fire alarm happening and I think that is kind of evident. Like in my skin journey, I get these like massive rashes on my skin, on my chest.
Vaness Henry: 5:14
I would love to have a little moment to talk about that, If you'd indulge me.
Vaness Henry: 5:18
I was looking at your tonal depths and your variable, and most of them well, none of them are concentrated. So your external tones are cyclical and your internals are periodic and this is going to have a huge effect on how you manifest, right, like if we're cyclical manifestors. You know, there could, we could need a lot of space between what we, our rest cycles and what we initiate. Periodic would look different and and concentrated would look different. And I noticed that you had sometimes made comments about cysts that you were growing or skin rashes, and you had a touch sense in your environment variable.
Vaness Henry: 5:57
And I have been tracking symptoms in the body over since 2022 and any kind of skin ailment in the with a six tone. We then look at that as in you, it's showing up in the environment, so it's like it's a lifestyle ailment in a way. And for you, when there's something going on in the kitchen that's not quite aligned for you, you have this powerful skin that will communicate with you and then you can kind of interpret whatever is going on with you. For example, I've got rashes on my on my chest. Well, what, uh? So do I have to get something off my chest?
Vaness Henry: 6:30
You know, like there's, our minds can go in other places after, but when looking at your body stuff, it was as if there's these predispositions for skin issues or eyes because you're an outer vision person issues with eyes such as swelling, seeing glasses, eye care, but also mental health right and the ability to concentrate, understand or feel. So, and you have so much knowledge here about this. When you notice your body because your body is going to communicate with you so much what do you notice as some of your biggest indicators of your body, trying to not get your attention, but it is, in a way, because we can train our consciousness to see what our body is doing. How do you notice your body, especially you've had three kids now how does it communicate with you?
Cat Fitzgerald: 7:20
Yeah, my first line of defense that I'm probably doing a little too much or I'm doing something that's not quite right for me is the skin rash. My face gets real red. It's not always visible, but I know when it's there, because I get real warm, you know, and then it's visible. I mean, you can see it. Right now I'm still quite red there, um, and then it was spread into my chest, thank you, yeah, my, my like natural skin tone is like when you go to buy foundation and it's like the lightest shade that they offer. That's my natural skin.
Vaness Henry: 7:48
Yeah, yeah, alabaster, avalon, whatever they call it, yeah.
Cat Fitzgerald: 7:52
The snow, um, you know.
Cat Fitzgerald: 7:56
So that's my first line of defense, and if I either refuse to stop or I'm unable to stop doing what's happening at the time, then it goes into more symptoms that freak me out a little more, which is like I'll have like weird it's like pseudo allergy reactions.
Cat Fitzgerald: 8:12
Okay, so I'm not actually allergic to anything they say, but my body will react and it'll just choose something. Sometimes it's a food, sometimes it's like my cat will come up to me and I'll have an itch in my throat, which never happens, you know. It's like my body just chooses something to zero in on and it's like, okay, well, let's intensify this here. Now you can't fucking breathe and I'm like, oh, thanks for that, love that for me, yeah, and then that will intensify and I'll be trying to go to sleep at night and of a sudden, my heart will start going crazy and it'll feel like I'm about to pass out. So it's like, okay, we're going to just keep, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're just going to keep up in the ante, babe, you know, and that can be really challenging if the thing that I know I need to stop is something I am not able to stop.
Vaness Henry: 8:58
Totally Cause. That's the reality of it. Right, it's like we can learn. Okay, this maybe isn't good for me, and also I'm in a sort of survival state and this is what I must be doing right now. Do you know what I mean? And then you're almost caught.
Cat Fitzgerald: 9:10
Yeah, cause I know I mean I'm need motivated and that is so true for me. I don't make a move unless I feel like it's necessary. And once I started noticing that in my life, it's so funny. It's so funny to have people around you being like this has to happen, this has to happen, blah, blah, blah. And then one day I'm like all right, this needs to happen, and I much to the annoyance of some people around me, I'm sure.
Vaness Henry: 9:34
But I noticed the way I, as a fellow need motivation person, the way I get psyched out, is all of a sudden that fear motivation coming in, where I'm like what's a priority, what's the top priority? How do I, you know? And it's like I've lost, I totally lost sight of what's necessary and it kind of spins me out. And when I noticed that happens now, I actually just stop everything. It's like, well, you got a deadline tomorrow. It's like I guess I don't, I'm pushing it back.
Vaness Henry: 10:06
I've become way more brave and like delaying I and trying so hard to honor, yeah, that flow of energy Cause, like you, it's like I start to get psyched out or something.
Vaness Henry: 10:10
And then, yeah, my chest is going and I'm like, oh, okay, I'm upset, I'm upset, and so, classically, I would just keep pushing through that and I got to say I'm 35 now and I literally can't. You know, I will have a huge something will stop me, energy will go away or I'll feel sick or nauseous. It's like I actually don't have the oomph or something that I used to have. But I also see that before I had the oomph and pushing simply because I was young and not, as quote unquote, damaged you know, and now, having lived some life, it's like my body's like yeah, we're not doing that, we can't keep doing that. You're a fool If you think we're going to keep doing that, and then something will happen with my body. You know, or you put something out, or, yes, something breaks down, and then I'm really panicked you know cause like now I can't do anything and then you know you just start to get psyched out.
Vaness Henry: 11:04
So you have these kinds of symptoms and ways your body communicates with you. And also there's been, I would say, quite a bit of stress in your life. Giving birth to a new baby, highly stressful experience. You had a home birth right, beautiful and then your partner was transitioning through this time Is that fair to say? Kind of like there was overlap there time.
Vaness Henry: 11:23
Is that fair to say? Kind of like there was overlap there, yes, so what did you notice? Like as the partner you had your, your partner's going on the roof and you're noticing, did you notice?
Cat Fitzgerald: 11:35
some kind of change or detachment or shifting. Yeah Well, I've known Corey a long time, so we met on 10, 10, 10.
Cat Fitzgerald: 11:40
So I have really been for a long time and I don't know if I ever told you this, but we worked in a place called the Resource Center at our music college and checking out amps and instruments to people or whatever, and I picked up this giant bass amp and for some reason this is my first day meeting Kori my brain goes oh my God, he's so hot. And then what comes out of my brain as I pick up this amplifier is I think I just broke my vagina. The first thing that I said nice to meet you.
Cat Fitzgerald: 12:09
Well, I mean, and yeah yeah, and we danced around each other as friends for a long time, I mean day one, moment one. I was like oh, this is my person Unfortunate because I was married at the time. This is my person unfortunate because I was married at the time and I was like, all right, but Corey was in a long-term relationship and I was like, okay, whatever, I'm noticing that and it really took Corey a long time to look at me romantically.
Vaness Henry: 12:47
And that wasn't until 2016. Oh, wow, okay, so that friendship foundation's really there. So, okay, I'm sorry, this is a love story, this is a love story conversation. I am so here for it. Okay, met at like musical college. Both kind of musical performers, this type of thing, both in serious relationships, bump into each other because, right, he would have been like a four, three at the time.
Cat Fitzgerald: 13:07
Right.
Vaness Henry: 13:08
Our pronouns have shifted. Corey now identifies as they them, she, uh. Corey prefers she her now for she her now Okay, okay. So is it okay in the past to refer to Corey as he okay Past? So it's just yeah for my brain. I'm like I want to make sure I'm being as respectful as possible. You guys bump into each other, essentially have a connection, but are neither one of you are available. How do you get? How do you become available?
Cat Fitzgerald: 13:32
Well, basically he was in that long term relationship and they broke up and I was married and I was like, oh, fuck me, okay, whatever we're going along, and I was with like a projector dude who it's very nice, but like we, literally there's no reason that that ever should have happened. Well, you had a child together, right? No, oh, no, never mind, no, no, never mind, no. This is I was married at 18, divorced at 19. So that one did not last very long Okay.
Cat Fitzgerald: 14:06
As a slight tangent, basically a catalyst for the ending. There was he was almost 10 years, my senior, and he graduated from college and, like all of a sudden, decided that life was serious now and he needed me to be more serious. And don't you think you might want to go to the gym more often? And like all of a sudden, it became this like hyper focus on me not being at his level, which was. He graduated and got a job at the college first of all, anyway, and I just like we weren't compatible in a lot of ways and I just was like, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, like he's not conscious of the fact that what he actually wants from a partner is something that I am very not, and I don't think I can keep doing this. And so I essentially ruined his life and broke it off and went to one counseling session where I said no, this isn't going to work, and we split up and I sang a song about divorce at my senior recital.
Cat Fitzgerald: 14:57
He was in the audience with a bouquet of wooden flowers to signify his undying love for me Fascinating. Also, corey was the drummer for my senior recital. Oh my gosh, she's right there. Oh, it's fascinating, yeah. So that all went that way and 10 years later he did say you know what? You were right. You were right, we shouldn't have been together. And I was like, oh my God. And he was like I realized there were all these moments when you were pouring into me and our relationship and I was not doing that and there's a projection field thing going on there too, right as the three, five and then him seeing.
Vaness Henry: 15:34
now you're in this relationship and you got to be like this and got to be like that and it's like maybe you need to look at yourself with some of these things right, yeah, that's what is the fifth line experience, stupid, no no, that's not true.
Cat Fitzgerald: 15:48
I actually like it most of the time.
Vaness Henry: 15:50
I find a lot of fifth lines. They have they. They develop personas to keep them safe online. You know, as you don't know all of me, you know I'm just going to put this persona out there and let you play with that character, and my private personal life is protected.
Cat Fitzgerald: 16:02
They'll even have like stage names or something you know I think that's why I like acting so much, because I get to try out in total safety, all these different things. You know, I kind of err on the side of almost giving too much information a lot of the time and I think that is the marriage, yeah, of that, and the 1222 in particular is totally let's go on the journey. You know, and even the people who are absolutely closest to me, it's like on a daily basis. There are little things where I'm like, okay, you're not seeing me there and that's fine. You know there is no amount of conversation that can turn that. I find most of the time, you know, that's hard. Yeah, it is what it is. So, you know, sometimes I get really like sadness TM about it, but it's been a while since I had a really deep dive about that.
Cat Fitzgerald: 16:54
But there have been times where it's like, oh my god, nobody knows me, nobody knows me all the way.
Vaness Henry: 17:01
And then there's a manifest or there's that lonely, misunderstood kind of feeling that can take over, and then there's your grief that's all attached to that, yeah, so okay, there is a love story here that I want to get out, because now you're singing a song about divorce at your graduation and Corey is there as the drummer. So is this when something finally happens? No no so.
Cat Fitzgerald: 17:22
Corey's in another relationship, corey's in another relationship, but this time with a woman who I met, a child, child, and I 150 thought that he was going to marry her, that it was never going to happen. A few years go by. It turns out that their relationship was very tumultuous and she was abusive to the tune of like dragging him across the floor by his hair like very intense and he had had a really close relationship with her son and had been a father figure to her son.
Cat Fitzgerald: 17:52
So they split up. Corey moved home very briefly and then we were texting one day and he was expressing that he wanted to come back to the city and I was working at OGI where I said oh, I'll get you a job here Once you apply here. I'll put in a word for you Gets the job there. Oh, my gosh, I am working there with freddie's father. Okay, freddie's father had been sober for like four years at the time. Sobriety goes out the window. He starts to treat me like dog shit, like insult my intellect. We're talking to work colleagues and he steps in, starts talking over me. It's like I was never saying a word. You know, like shit that I just like.
Cat Fitzgerald: 18:30
Oh, my god you know yeah yeah and um, it went very quickly from like smoking weed, which I really don't have a problem with, but for him that goes immediately over to pills, okay, okay. So then it went down that road. He was like I need to go to pennsylvania to be around my family and friends to get sober. He gets on a train which leads to a bus and goes back to Pennsylvania with no warning, takes away one of the incomes, whatever, et cetera, and then he's gone and he has a child Meanwhile. You know, oh yeah, oh, my God, okay, and Freddie. I think he left when Freddie was eight months old, if I remember correctly, somewhere around there. So Freddie's very little.
Cat Fitzgerald: 19:07
I'm by myself, it was great, loved it. Meanwhile, cory is now working at the place that I'm working and we're still like very much friends level, whatever I was like you know what? You? I'm changing my handwriting, okay, which is something I've done multiple times in my life. I just get the whim to change my handwriting, I don't know, and I was like can I practice by like writing you little like letters or whatever.
Cat Fitzgerald: 19:31
And he was like yeah, cute and so I start to write him these letters at work of all, about his astrology chart and breaking down his placements, and then, every now and then, interspersing one of mine, to be like here's how we relate, blah, blah, blah. We're connected, oh, we love each other fascinating. And then he starts writing little haikus and leaving them on my desk. And then we start leaving each other little haikus on like with post-it notes on our work desks my inner poet and journalist is like yeah, this is so.
Vaness Henry: 20:00
If only my husband would have written vows for me, but he's not the communicator cute.
Cat Fitzgerald: 20:05
And then it's, like you know, the work holiday party comes around and all the girlies in the office are like, you know, is it the time, is this the time, we decide to go to the party? We ride to the party together, you know, as friends or whatever. But it was very no that, that was anything but that, you know. And then the next night, one of the artists that he really likes was having an art gallery opening. Like a musician was doing an art opening in town, and we went to that. And then that night we had pizza at his house and we literally talked to each other for six hours in a row. And then there was this moment where, like, we're both just like laying casually and we're just like looking at each other and I was like, all right, this is my moment.
Cat Fitzgerald: 20:45
And then I went in for the kiss, and then you know.
Vaness Henry: 20:50
I love everything. I love love. Look at me I'm like blushing. Yeah, we really have to initiate romantically. Hey, it really, otherwise it just doesn't go well, even still in my life. Like if I'm wanting to have sex, it has I have to initiate. If my husband initiates, I'm a bit like, okay, I guess I'll go through the motions, but not even like it's just the whole, like don't get me wrong, we're at that place in our relationship where he can definitely be like flirty, but it is me who then will take it to like the next place. When I look back at some like past relationships, if that was missing, it's the whole interaction was offset or something Like I was very much when I dated, like the masculine energy, you know, like I would initiate or I'm into you or whatever, and then I was often dating generators and they'd be like oh, okay, me too.
Cat Fitzgerald: 21:42
I guess I've been to you.
Vaness Henry: 21:43
Yeah sure you know they were into it but like, yeah, it did have to kind of come from me. Do you see this in your dynamic with you and Corey? Yeah, much to my like a stubbornness Cause you want cause, you want them to initiate and like come hit on you. Do you know what I mean?
Cat Fitzgerald: 21:56
Well, here's the thing is. I am unwilling to be the person to be like. I would like to have sex today, but what I will do is I will kiss in a specific way, I will touch in a specific way. I'm like this is my initiation After this many years.
Vaness Henry: 22:10
You know it's my you know, you know if I'm being flirty or this is my damage, sorry, we had like Derek will come around the corner and I flash him. I flash my body parts a lot. I know that, you know, I know, but it's always like there's never either. It's always he and I are home together a lot when we work and do our own things and he'll come around the corner and I'll just have my shirt up and he's like whoa and I'm like goodbye, go back upstairs.
Vaness Henry: 22:32
So those are my tells. You know, I'm like I'm flashing you.
Vaness Henry: 22:35
I'm into you, like, look at my body, like it's so juvenile and primitive. But he'll do the same thing to me. I'll come around the corner and he's got some body parts showing anyway, and then that's like our little signs to each other. You, you know, but I didn't really but touchy oh, me too. I'm actually just very touchy, like you will. We're both touchy, feely, right, we've got touch sense in the environment. So we get very like, oh, like. Even with my friends though I can be so funny, because in substructure studies, raw talks about manifestors who have a sense of touch in the environment, and he's like I have no idea how that will go, like you can imagine how hard that would be, he's like. But when this is all, it all works. It all works and it's usually beautiful. And I was like, oh my God, am I like that? It's so interesting.
Vaness Henry: 23:16
Like as a young person I was very closed off just for my traumas. I didn't want anyone to touch me and my aura definitely said that. And as I went to college I had touchy, feely friends and they were like I remember they would like just touch your arm when they were talking to you and they wanted your attention and I was like, oh, like nobody did stuff like that to me, like I was encased in this, like do not approach me. Energy and angry, right, Bald, angry, miserable little kid. That was me. So I learned from my touchy, feely friends, like it was. It was actually like I don't mean this in a negative, but it was somewhat manipulative, because as soon as I was able to like physically touch someone or emotionally touch someone, it's as if they started to be open to me or something, and so then it really softened me and then I really started to like these touchy, feely environments.
Vaness Henry: 24:02
And then it really affected my sex life because I was, I was very closed off. I had sex late. I was not. I was scared of boys Like you know what I mean. And I found then sexually it it came out like I would get very touchy or affectionate in private, in public a little bit. My husband does not like public affection. I'm a Leo, I'm like sure Adore me with the audience and he's like, he's like no. So I mean I get what I, I'll take what I can have in the private. But it came, it was such a factor to my health, like to be able to feel comfortable, safe enough to be able to be affectionate or something, and like you know anyway. Okay, so you and Corey, you finally hook up after this time. When do you guys get married on this timeline? When do you have your second?
Cat Fitzgerald: 24:51
child. Well, magnolia decided she was going to be born in 2017. So like soon, and we didn't get married until September of 2020, which we did in the backyard and I believe it was 435 in the morning, if I remember correctly Early wedding.
Cat Fitzgerald: 25:08
Oh my God, yeah, we had a. I hired a friend of mine to oh I can't remember what this called all of a sudden, but like, pick a day that's astrologically auspicious and a time, and he was like this is like a bad time. And I was like I know, that's why I've come to you, because I'm too biased, I'm looking at this, it's freaking me out. He was like so, 435 in the morning, I get it, but consider this. And we were like, yeah, sure, so we had a backyard wedding. My one of my best friends officiated. My other best friend cooked the breakfast the next morning. You know we had a bonfire. It was great.
Vaness Henry: 25:46
So you have this love story together. You now have two kids. When did you then notice a shift in cory?
Cat Fitzgerald: 25:54
well, literally always okay, okay, and you know, I've got his astrology chart from day one right, so I'm looking at.
Vaness Henry: 26:01
That was your, that's your haikus, that was part of your love.
Cat Fitzgerald: 26:03
Yes, so I'm like looking at that and I'm seeing we've got a gigantic stellium in the eighth house, oh you know, and we've got both Mars and Venus there.
Vaness Henry: 26:13
And I'm looking at that and I'm looking at her sex life and I'm like Hmm, I'm like I can feel I'm interpreting that away with my knowledge, but you have a high knowledge here. How are you interpreting that stellium in the eighth house? Eighth house is like is a sex drug, rock and roll, that's like an intense house, other people's money, like transition, death, birth, rebirth, like all of that. A stellium there is means we've got a lot of planets, that's a lot of energy. We have Venus and Mars, like how. How are you interpreting that?
Cat Fitzgerald: 26:43
Well, you know, not everybody puts sex there in that house, Some astrologers, you know that's like a hot oh, I do I do.
Cat Fitzgerald: 26:50
Oh okay, I do too. I put it there, it's fine. But you know, so I'm looking at that next to our sex life experience, which has always been wonderful. But I'm like feeling the sense of this, you know, like I'm holding something back. I'm not being fully present here because we can't see you, how do we describe this? Like the sense of being hidden, holding back, like something's not there and, um, you know, I would theorize over the years of, like what could that be? Maybe it's like a dominant, submissive thing, maybe it's, you know, like I had no idea what it could be I think that would be how I interpreted it.
Cat Fitzgerald: 27:25
That's interesting. Yeah, so many times I was like you know what, what? Like I would try anything once.
Vaness Henry: 27:31
Yeah.
Cat Fitzgerald: 27:31
Yeah, you know like what are we doing? But it was like nothing, nothing, nothing. And then, for some reason, okay. So what was going on at the time when Corey came out to me was Robert, which is Freddie's dad, was visiting us to visit Freddie and was staying at our house, which we'd done once before and it had gone fine. But this time Robert was in a very challenging mental space and was struggling more with his addiction than he had let on before he showed up. So it was like that stressor While he was visiting, our cat, tucker died out of nowhere.
Vaness Henry: 28:09
I remember this right.
Cat Fitzgerald: 28:10
Condition called saddle thrombus, which is where a blood clot travels to like the base of the legs and paralyzed his back legs. Oh, my God, and it was just like split second and that was like my soul animal, yeah, that was my little dude. What a strange timing.
Vaness Henry: 28:27
Oh my God. What happened with this person coming into your life, right, so what?
Cat Fitzgerald: 28:31
it was very, very strange. So on the one hand, it was great that robert was there, because that meant cory and I could both go to the animal hospital and see that through, and cory actually let himself cry about it okay, which has always been something that's challenging. Cory very much struggles to crack, and so it was like that cracking open of vulnerability and then we're like get home, we make some dinner. This leads to a long conversation about life where we're just like just talking, just talking, and then he says he's like he's completed his Saturn return.
Vaness Henry: 29:10
Right, he's at that 30 ish mark because he's now going to be trying, in his way, to go on the roof. However, that looks for him and you're also aware of that, right? Yeah, like you're aware. Okay, I've got the four, six partner. Now he's cracking open. These emotions are coming out. Okay, something's happening, and a death happened to be the jarring thing that facilitated that opening.
Cat Fitzgerald: 29:30
Yeah and I'll. He was 31 at the time, okay, and I will see preceding this like probably around the age of 29. Okay, I see this a lot with six lines and especially with the four sixes, the final breaking of the bonds of the third line phase. Yeah, full ass network lost.
Vaness Henry: 29:48
Like he maybe has three people left from that phase of life all, all six lines have this big breakup like they were like, or the bonds made and break, yes, of course. But the four six does have a different experience because of that network component and and they can have almost like I don't know the right word here but a breakdown like it could be a nervous breakdown, it could be an emotional breakdown because there is so much connectivity and reliance on the network. So if there's a disturbance there it's almost like they have a harder time right Because they rely on who that kind of community or network is. So the four six, in my experience of study them and categorizing them, excuse me, they can get quite ill because if they don't honor whatever their transition is, if they cling and hang on and they don't deal with what they need to deal with it, that's when a lot of chronic not to scare the four six, but for whatever reason and I think it has something to do with the six in the body I don't, I don't track the three six as much, just because of not as common Like I have more examples of the four six going through something and I think the conversation of like literally going through a gender transition is kind of the perfect example of how this could look for some people.
Vaness Henry: 31:06
So, corey 29, going on the roof 30, the network is shifting, breakups, bonds made and broken. Now there's this grief that's happened in the life, of the loss of a dear family member and there's an opening or something. And it's not lost on me that you're the emotional manifester with the 22, the 12, that's your channel. What did you see in that moment when the vulnerability came?
Cat Fitzgerald: 31:30
well, the first place he went was to say he thought he wanted to wear girls clothes more often. So it like started there and I'm already like this how do you feel that?
Cat Fitzgerald: 31:41
yeah, how do you? Oh, my god, like. My internal reaction was like finally, okay, okay, okay. My external reaction was like oh yeah, tell me more about that. Okay, tell me about how you've been feeling, etc. Etc. But you know, internally I was like oh, we're there because, you know, on a personal level, it was hurting me. Of course it's your you know, to feel that this, there's something that's not being shared with me, and you'd start to be like well, haven't I did not, is it me?
Cat Fitzgerald: 32:11
you know, yeah, yeah, have I not been trustworthy? Have I not been blah blah? And so I'm like relieved, and the conversation starts there and I'm asking questions like you know are you happy with your body? Do you think you might want to make changes there? What's the scope? I didn't use that language, but you know, and at that time he felt that he was happy with his body and wanted to keep everything the way. It was that way, but just start to express more feminine it's so new right, yeah, totally.
Cat Fitzgerald: 32:42
And you know I'm like no, this is not the end of that, or? Whatever so he starts to pick up more girls clothes and gets like fake breasts and starts dressing that way and is physically like literally, this is a person who was smoking dabs. You know what dabs are?
Vaness Henry: 33:00
no, can you enlighten me?
Cat Fitzgerald: 33:00
okay, yeah, it's weed, but it's like super, super, super concentrated into an oil that you then smoke out of, like a like esk apparatus kind of, but not quite. You heat it up with like uh, I don't remember what it is so, so, basically, what I'm hearing is he's, he's medicating because he's trying to.
Vaness Henry: 33:18
He's numbing out, something's not feeling good. I don't know how to deal with it and and like I could go get pills at a store, but like or at a pharmacy, I should say excuse me, but this is what is available to, so right away. You can see, this is a body that's having a disturbance and it's trying to self-soothe right. And mountains smoking Exactly Because he's mountains that it's like okay, I'm trying to regulate.
Cat Fitzgerald: 33:40
And it's like literally I am not exaggerating all day, every day to the point of where, like now, where she is, where she is now it's like a source of guilt and sadness that he was not present during his infancy oh, okay, in that way, because it blasted out of his mind basically, but it was the next day night and day. Now he smokes maybe once a day, if that. And it's like to help him go to sleep.
Vaness Henry: 34:10
Which a lot of people do, right, you know.
Cat Fitzgerald: 34:13
So it went from this like I need it. I can't be in the world, I cannot function to well. I actually don't need that anymore. And he's um. She used to really struggle with like big rage outbursts, like in a way that was scary, like I almost left, on more than one occasion. It was never directed at me or at the kids. So, and it just hits me in a very like it's very affecting to my body, I can also, though, like let's take responsibility as a manifestors.
Vaness Henry: 34:40
That's our frequency, you know, like, and it's, it's funny, my, my husband's not an angry person, but there'll be spells of anger and I can feel that I don't want to say it's my fault or I'm contributing or something, but I know it's not his energy. There will be very rare times that I feel frustrated and people, like everyone, feels frustrated. I'm like I really don't. I don't experience that very much, so when I do, it kind of stops me quite a bit, and it will usually prompt me to go have a conversation with him and I find out he's incredibly frustrated with something, let's say, about me or connected to me, and I'm feeling it as if it's happening to me, but it's not, and so it's so not an emotion of mine now that I can kind of separate like that. And I find, with anger in people, it's very familiar to me. So it always makes me like check in a little bit, like, ooh, am I dealing with my feelings here, especially with the feeling cognition kid, like my kid will feel some of these things, and it's like it's such an accountability type of thing. But okay, I want to have a very serious kind of hard conversation here then, because if my husband then approaches me and says I'm not comfortable in my body, I want to dress more female or feminine presenting, I guess I'm panicking because I'm thinking, okay, I don't know that I want to be with a woman, but I love him so much, I want him to do what he wants to do. You know, like you know what I mean.
Vaness Henry: 36:06
I now have a million questions going on and I'm and I'm scared. I would say what were like you sound like you were like at peace, like cause, you knew, had this feeling. But was there any part of you that's like scared, like that Corey's now not going to want to be with you, or self-inquire? Am I going to want to be with you? Like I had this whole vision for our life together and I love you and I want to support you and I'm open to whatever you're going through. But how do you contend with, how do you contend with that as the wife?
Cat Fitzgerald: 36:34
Yeah, initially I did not have any negative feelings. Initially it was like such a relief to now know the thing that had been concealed and to watch the transformation from this very agitated that's my word for man jen's that anger plus frustration agitated due to this now like almost happy-go-lucky feminine presenting person at that point it was.
Cat Fitzgerald: 37:01
We're doing, they, them, yeah, and then it took me a full calendar year to experience a moment of grief about it. Of course, cat, I think you know I'm an emotional manifester, so I'm already taking so much time, yeah, to feel into things. And then there's so much other shit going on in my life.
Vaness Henry: 37:19
We, the cat you're pregnant a couple weeks, a couple weeks later yeah, it's a couple weeks later that I found out I'm pregnant.
Cat Fitzgerald: 37:25
That was like, oh my gosh, oh, it's fascinating, yeah. And then you know struggles with freddie at school and right? Oh my gosh, that was sexuality motivated, if I remember correctly, and you know that got my anxiety gears turning, you know, because I'm like, okay, see, we're a lot happier, but now we're choosing to go down a path that is more dangerous and no one can say it isn't it?
Vaness Henry: 38:02
just is right?
Cat Fitzgerald: 38:03
Yes, you know, absolutely so, and I started to have that and now I would say it was like maybe a month and a half ago was where I hit my like oh, oh, no, I actually do feel kind of sad about this, of course, Cat.
Vaness Henry: 38:14
Of course you know, yes, like I love you and I'm excited for you, right, right. And also I'm like I feel emotional saying this I'm grieving my husband now.
Cat Fitzgerald: 38:24
Right, you know, and it's a lot of it too is that it took so long for us? Yeah, and I was in, like day one, I was already in, you know so it's like okay, I barely had one year of having a yes, you know yes and this whole life, and I was like here's what we're gonna do.
Cat Fitzgerald: 38:44
In 10 years we'll have a bowel renewal and you know, like whatever and um, I guess I was confused at first because, like, in terms of my own sexuality, I'm pansexual. So it's like gender is totally relevant to me. I'm like whatever. Can you make me laugh? Are you smart, you know? Are you a nice mother? I?
Vaness Henry: 39:03
identify as non-binary, but like, how do I like right. So then, if it's like, if I'm, but if my husband now like I don't know it, like I, it's like I, we've talked about this. After you went through this, I was like I gotta talk to you about this. He's like, well, I'm not transitioning, I'm like I know and also I need to talk about this because, like, do we become roommates? Like I wouldn't want to lose you. I would be terrified to lose you. You're my love.
Vaness Henry: 39:27
It's not about what you look like for me at all, and also that is a part of it, cause I'm attracted to you, I can look at at females too and be like you're beautiful. I would rather look at a female body than a male body, just like, even from an artistic perspective and the shape and everything. But just, and you know what I was also like to him. Maybe I could be open to it, because because I love you, you know and like, but then I'd be like what does my kid think? And there are kids in the picture with you, so there's so much. I can see why grief might be delayed, because now everybody else's emotions are a priority. And how is my partner feeling and how are the kids dealing with it?
Cat Fitzgerald: 40:06
Oh.
Vaness Henry: 40:06
I'm growing a baby, like. So it makes sense to me, like I would say, that you're now postpartum body is going, is now regulating its hormones, and also there's this huge thing that has now happened and, of course, grief is going to be there. And now this is kind of your area, like you know how to deal with this. Not only are you educated here, you're experienced in supporting others and educating others. How do you help yourself through that grief?
Cat Fitzgerald: 40:33
Well, from a design perspective, I seek out one of my friends who bridges my split yeah, so that I can get it out of my head.
Vaness Henry: 40:41
Yeah, because when I really get stuck in a 64 46 loop, it's like you know, it just starts to get so intense did you see dave's um neutrino radio, neutrino short, his thing about the format chat, basically talking about the head center channels, and madness, I was like, okay, let me take a big cure. And it's like this channel will, we'll do this and this channel will do that. I was like, yes, and if there's a split doesn't connect to the throat, who the pressure? And for you and I, we both have splits in our throats, just on different gates, and that mental pressure becomes like a swirling episode. You know, and yeah, I love the consciousness of like I'm just going to find someone who bridges my split.
Vaness Henry: 41:23
For me, my son does that and my dog, weirdly. But I sometimes feel like I it's not, I'm very open with my son about things, but and also I can't lie to him because he feels it anyway, he can call me out no matter what, and it's like finding the simple, appropriate language to be open and honest. But he's not always the appropriate person, let's say, to go and have that kind of conversation with, although I can see I need to have it because he will kind of bring that to me. But that's when, like, friends have become crucial to the processing experience, cause you know, like I've done therapy, all kinds of therapy, and it only lasts so long.
Vaness Henry: 41:59
The therapist is then like wow, you're very self-aware. Why am I here again? What, what am I? Okay, let's do this homework. I'm like no, I'm not into that, I'm not doing homework, like I'm coming here to chit chat. You know what I mean. Anyway, you're now in this space, you're going through this transition. There's grief that comes up. What does this feel like for?
Cat Fitzgerald: 42:17
you. For me, when I'm really in a big grief moment it's I feel choked physically by it. It's like I can't speak, you know.
Cat Fitzgerald: 42:24
Yeah, and then it starts to hurt and then I get very warm and you know whatever, and it's just being struck in moments where you're just like watching your family interact and you have this like juxtaposition moment where your vision almost splits the life. I thought and can observe my process, you know, and I go there and I just like bitch and I cry and I get it out and it's like most of the time nobody is like, well, have you thought about it? You know that's not the space for that. I need somewhere to go and cry and be angry, because I still like to be honest, I still fear my own anger when it's really in its like biggest expression you fear so I like having a place where I can go, where people will witness it, but I don't necessarily have to witness them witnessing it if that makes sense.
Vaness Henry: 43:31
You know, I just want to be able to throw it, but but having the witness sometimes whether they engage or not? Why?
Cat Fitzgerald: 43:38
do we need that? Because it feels like it's not for nothing.
Vaness Henry: 43:42
Yeah.
Cat Fitzgerald: 43:43
Yeah, I can express my anger at the wall, but it's like even if nobody says anything. There's still that energetic feedback of like. I hear that you're going through that right now.
Vaness Henry: 43:53
Yeah.
Cat Fitzgerald: 43:53
You know, I see that, that's happening.
Vaness Henry: 43:55
This is something that I really bow to with the human design community and the astrology community. I haven't made. I used to come from the astrology community, but not. I never got into a community, if that makes sense. When I started studying human design, that was my first exposure to a community. That was around an awareness study, and anytime there's any of these awareness studies it doesn't matter if it's Feng Shui, human design, numerology, whatever all the people coming into that kitchen are traumatized, Like they all want to understand and learn about themselves, and so it's trivial to me when we are mean to each other or hard on each other when one of us is going through something, and the further than I've been in human design, everybody's getting more aware. Right, the community keeps growing. There's more and more aware people and in that space, with people who speak that language, it's like they knew how to be there for me as a manifestor or something. You know they didn't go well, it'll get, don't worry, It'll get better, It'll work out. It's like shut the fuck up. That is so not what I need right now.
Vaness Henry: 44:58
Or or it was dismissive. You know it wasn't validating. It was like trying to brush off the emotion, to go, get to a happy place, or people would throw out all these suggestions and what they think I should do. It's like I don't need that. I just need someone to hear me and affirm my experience, like that I'm real and that this is happening. And it was people who spoke human design and understood the manifestor energetic, you know, who would come and just be like I'm here and it would make me ball, Like they did the. It's like they're not doing the bare minimum, they're doing the exact perfect thing. That's like I understand, I'm with you, You're not alone. And it would just like create so much healing and so, ultimately, these are healing spaces, but there are people who come who have something to heal, and then we're hard on each other and I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Everyone needs like an outpouring of of compassion here as we kind of go through this.
Cat Fitzgerald: 45:54
You know what I'm saying, right, totally, and it's just really nice when there's a space that can hold it, because it's like I need to spit this out, because it's currently poisoning me and I can feel that it's poisoning me.
Vaness Henry: 46:05
Beautiful language, Cat. You're absolutely right. It will make you septic in that way. So there's three other little characters in the storyline. How did the children take this and how did you have that conversation with them? If, saying, okay, we're going to be like we're going to be, dad wants to dress differently, can we still call dad dad, you know how? How does that whole? And then, like a safety piece, comes in, like, are the kids going to be treated differently by their peers, like I can imagine Corey, as a mountains person, thinks worries about this and that could prevent from presenting as the authentic self in order to protect the family network and the fan, and then ultimately, they're just suffering and miserable, right? So how does this now become a family discussion?
Cat Fitzgerald: 46:52
Well, I for the most part, like Corey, lead the discussion with the kids, which went literally Maggie was psyched. You know, they paint their nails together and all kinds of other, so Maggie's such a fashionista. She's like, oh, I'm going to pick out clothes for you, you know, like all that kind of stuff, oh my God, so loving. Both of them were mostly chill about it. Freddie is already a type of child that has 4 billion questions a second, so he's the question asker. You know Two little manifestor kids, yeah, Yep, so, and he's 43, 23.
Vaness Henry: 47:27
So he's popping off 100% of the time.
Cat Fitzgerald: 47:31
You know. So you know he'll ask a handful of questions, he'll get satisfied from those answers and then a little bit of time will pass and he'll come with a whole nother set of questions that have like come up in his social groups or like whatever, because Corey picks them up in the clothes that she wants to wear. So you know, the kids will sometimes ask questions and we've had age appropriate discussions on what it means to be transgender. Why is that difficult in the world? Why does some of your friends think that's funny? You know, et cetera, et cetera, and they seem for the most part totally unfazed and you know what is so interesting about this?
Vaness Henry: 48:06
now pepper's born and we'll only know dad this way, yep. And so the kids now have a different experience. And and you're, and the third child is a projector. I think that's so interesting. Splenic, projector, right? Yeah, splenic, what do you think like? And now we've got a generator and a projector dynamic in your house, because it was dominated by manifestors before, so you can just initiate and Corey constantly, in every area and avenue of life, you know, and now not only is there a different energy on Corey, there's a new energy in the family. So the whole dynamic has really shifted. And then now mom is finally having the space for her grief to come out. So it sounds like you're, then, talking to friends who you trust. But what is going on in your body?
Cat Fitzgerald: 48:55
You mean physically, who you trust, but what is going?
Vaness Henry: 49:01
on in your body.
Cat Fitzgerald: 49:02
You mean physically. Yeah, you're also healing from labor and giving birth right In some ways.
Vaness Henry: 49:05
This is a lot. This is a fucking lot. You know what I mean.
Cat Fitzgerald: 49:08
Yeah it truly is. It truly is. In some ways it's like a little better than it was previous to her pregnancy. Like I got pregnant with her on birth control and I said, all right, little being, I'm going to need you to send your baby cells into the parts of me that need healing. I was like help me out while you're in there, Like let's do it, ma'am. And so in some ways I feel like I have gotten marginally healthier.
Cat Fitzgerald: 49:33
But the pregnancy itself was very, very challenging. I I had I puked the whole time. I never stopped. I had the most intense heartburn. I already had diastasis recti below my belly button from magnolia and now I have it above, which is way more painful because there's no other, nothing else to compensate for that there like that's when the abdomen wall splits from birth right and the muscles now have some separation, and so it can kind of make the belly pointy a little bit, because the of the split there yep, and it depending on how far apart it is yeah that's like whether they recommend you have surgery to correct it or not and mine is four fingers apart.
Cat Fitzgerald: 50:13
Oh, wow, okay so it's out there, it's wide so like literally walking around sometimes, like I didn't know that I had it up there, but I described it to my midwife. I was like god, I don't. It feels like almost vacuous, like this churning feeling in this area. And she was like, wow, you know, put her hand right in there. Yeah, and uh, yeah. So I got to learn last night at my dance rehearsal how that feels currently. Yeah, probably gonna go from now on wearing like a constriction garment to help totally me together effectively there.
Cat Fitzgerald: 50:48
But yeah, mentally I did not have postpartum depression with this child. She slept through the night at three weeks. Oh, wow, you know, she's like ready to rock. Oh, she is a direct, light determination and she does eat more during the day than she does. Fascinating, fascinating. Yeah, I love that. How is how our night feeds with her? Fine, I mean she very quickly. I mean like if she stirs in the night, I just like shuffle her over and attach her to the breast and she goes right back to sleep, you know, wow, yeah, it's great.
Cat Fitzgerald: 51:20
I mean luck of the draw, definitely the easiest, and having such a large age gap like maggie's six, six and a half. So the older two are like almost totally self-sufficient most of the time and they also like dote on her, especially freddie. It's like, if you see pictures of the three of them, pepper is like staring lovingly at freddie and he's like doing anything he can to make her smile. It's just very cute, but yeah so, and here's your family now.
Vaness Henry: 51:51
You know, here's your family now. How do you now grieve the futures that you were imagining for this family while opening yourself up to new possibilities? Like are you now imagining new future potentials for your family?
Cat Fitzgerald: 52:06
Yeah, I believe that I am there's. There's a lot still like mentally.
Vaness Henry: 52:11
Yeah.
Cat Fitzgerald: 52:11
That's like question marking for me. Okay, I've been dealing with a great deal of anxiety because my niece died just like a month ago and she was an infant right she was, she had just had her first birthday, okay and it was really traumatic and like I met her once, so it's like we weren't close.
Cat Fitzgerald: 52:32
but then all of a sudden, I started having really hyper anxiety about Pepper dying or me accidentally killing her or like you know, and then it started to bleed out into me being like oh God, maggie's going to get hit by a car. You know, like really became intense for a minute, so I became hyper focused on that. But we're moving into this new house, which is beautiful. Corey and I are going to be sharing a bedroom for the first time in a long time, and it's in the attic.
Vaness Henry: 53:01
Oh so mountains.
Cat Fitzgerald: 53:02
So we're going to be in the mountain, you know, and it's in the arts district of Minneapolis. It's very kitchen.
Vaness Henry: 53:08
So kitchen, it's like so right.
Cat Fitzgerald: 53:10
Like we were walking around and I was, like this is my neighborhood, like this is where I'm supposed to be. We love my neighborhood like this is where I'm supposed to be. We love that. So we're changing into an environment. Yeah, I'm saying we're moving somewhere that is really going to be a good fit for most of us, if not all of us. I mean, freddie and pepper are both markets, maggie and cory are both mountains and I'm kitchens.
Vaness Henry: 53:30
So right at the heart, mom, hey, yes, but sensitive to, are very sensitive, right markets are, are they're unique in that way? Right, they need their little things. How do you see?
Cat Fitzgerald: 53:41
this come out in your family members the sensitivity yeah yeah, freddy is incredibly sensitive and he's also low sound, so he's got quite a few sensitivities he's okay, yeah, dealing with.
Cat Fitzgerald: 53:53
And the relationship is really interesting with freddy because he actually speaks human design language with me. Cool love that. You know we talk about being a manifester and you know he's having these social issues at school and he'll explain it to me and then I'll be like, oh, my friend, you didn't inform them about xyz, they didn't know what you were about to do. And then you know he gets to have that angry moment about like what well it was obvious.
Vaness Henry: 54:16
you know, it's clearly what I was going to do, and I'm like buddy, I know my son is, is equally interested, loves my work Cause he loves the look of the body graph.
Vaness Henry: 54:29
Mom, pull up my, pull up my shapes again. Mom, pull up my shapes, tell me again mom. And so he. I really noticed he has understood how I'm different and how he and his dad are different. Derek's a generator, I'm a manifester, but Huxley is a manifesting generator and he loves that Cause he's like I'm like a little bit like mom and a little bit like dad and he's kind of like, weirdly, got my face I don't even know how that happened. It's like my face on Derek's little body. But he's not a generator Like the the Manny Jen is not a generator and I definitely noticed like the generator husband, the generator dad tries to keep him in like keep going, keep committing, stay with it.
Vaness Henry: 55:09
And I'm like he, he doesn't want to fucking go to piano. He doesn't want to go to piano today. The world won't end If he misses piano. Look, he had this hard, all this hard shit. Go on this week, his little thing with his buddies, like he can. It's okay if he can come home and chill, but then he'll milk that like. He'll come to me and be like mom. I'm just not feeling the energy today and I was like, try and manipulate me, you need to go talk to your dad. But yeah, it's just neat to see like it for kids. They, they don't need all this jargon. You know they don't need to know what substructure is and format channels. It's like they want to know what their shapes are. You know they want to know, how they make decisions.
Vaness Henry: 55:48
You know it's it's. I always kind of get my back up a little bit like it's for kids. But we try to make it so complicated because of this whole aspect of deconditioning. It got all complicated but when you see your little direct light baby, you're like oh duh, look at that how that plays out. You see, your little markets, kid, low sound. Oh duh, there's how that plays out. You know what I mean. And Maggie's mountains, and so what?
Cat Fitzgerald: 56:13
how do you see that come out in her? Oh, she climbs so high on shit like she has, and she was so little, I mean she broke her arm when she was three. Oh my gosh, how she is and she you know.
Vaness Henry: 56:24
So she's a six two, so she's in her third line phase and okay well, and there you see her storyline right, she had a parent who transitioned, so she's an. I have to. How do I feel about and that will be part of her story that she then unpacks and understands more she goes on the roof, that's cool and in my observation she has always been more gender fluid anyway.
Cat Fitzgerald: 56:46
I mean, she's got a fucking fashion mullet right now. You know what I mean.
Vaness Henry: 56:51
Yeah, yeah, she likes playing with that. She always has. That's right, yep.
Cat Fitzgerald: 56:55
So okay, definitely find a camaraderie in that the two of them.
Vaness Henry: 57:03
So what are you now hoping for? Your family? You're the heart of the family, or the core of the family, or the kitchen's person. Now you have. Can we say you have a wife. How are you saying that?
Cat Fitzgerald: 57:09
You have a wife here's my wife.
Vaness Henry: 57:11
What is your dream now, looking into the future for you and your wife and your kids? My identity shift here. Right, yeah, like you're. You're no longer you know in this hetero relationship. You're now. You always were in the queer community, but like now, we're two women.
Cat Fitzgerald: 57:27
Now we're you know, I'm really hoping that we find some sort of material stability and I really hope that this life shift for Corey allows her to have the space to kind of pick up a little more where she has not been. She hasn't worked since I mean years, five years.
Vaness Henry: 57:47
We can. We can understand that, though, right, there's been this whole big thing going on that we didn't know, and the grief and trying to self-medicate with that and self-identify now becoming a parent. That's a huge piece for the six line too, and also the like responsibility of the child makes you make different choices because it's suddenly, well, what's best for the child? That's not what's best for me, but that's what's best for the child. You know how that is a war that starts to happen.
Cat Fitzgerald: 58:15
And I initiated that too. When she stopped working, my business was doing very well and I said you know what, Let me do it for a while. I got it until I did not have it anymore. You know to see that kind of balance out a little bit for my health and I also think it would really benefit her self-esteem quite a bit to be in that space. I'm also. I'm excited for our.
Cat Fitzgerald: 58:40
Our family like to be fun more than it's not yeah which has not been the case, and, yeah, I'm looking forward to that. We're going to a wedding tomorrow. We're all like wearing all that she's wearing a fancy dress. I'm wearing a fancy dress. You know it's gonna be very cute fun and I, you know, I'm just really excited to see what the environment shift is going to do for us, because the house is so different, the neighborhood is so different and I feel it's gonna be exciting to watch cat yeah, I'm like in this quantum shift right now and I feel it and like that language is so annoying.
Cat Fitzgerald: 59:11
But it's also true, you know, like feel myself like moving through hyperspace in a way, and it's also like really illuminated for me places where I have self-esteem, esteem struggles, okay, because I'm like oh, like fuck, she's not even taking the estrogen yet and she's already hotter than me and I noticed that you know I'm like, oh okay, All right, I see what is that about.
Cat Fitzgerald: 59:39
You know, I have a lot of body issues and I think that's very tied to my health issues too. Like, I know that this is not what I'm supposed to be experiencing, supposed to be in quotes, because it's like, in a way, I am supposed to be.
Vaness Henry: 59:54
I did a big environment shift and the fucking whole whole internet got that was watching me, got to see me shed 60 pounds. There was something about that that was embarrassing. I know it seems like oh, that's exciting, but it's like no, you're what? Like it's vulnerable or something. And you're watching me change and my husband also changed alongside me and there was something about that that felt on display me. And there was something about that that felt on display. But it also was like I knew I wasn't in a good space and for me, like you, I thought I was, I thought I knew how to relax, because I have that observer environment style.
Vaness Henry: 1:00:28
I'm supposed to be here for a relaxing lifestyle and I it's like I didn't realize this crunching that I was always kind of doing, bracing, like for the next thing to happen, but I'd be like I'm self-employed and I'm having a bath, like I'm not stressed. Only only when, like right, I didn't understand. And it was only when I removed my body from my origin site that I realized, holy shit, everything in that city triggered me. Oh, that's where that person died. Oh, that's where I went and had that treatment, oh, that's where that. It was like a constant familiarity of bombardment of things that I was scared of or hurt me or something, and only when I put my body somewhere. Really radically new was when I this is kind of devastating I finally relaxed and I didn't. I didn't even realize I wasn't relaxing before. I thought I was. You know, I thought I was, but there was something that happened in the body that was like this unburdening and I completely connected to the environment and you know, my husband and I went through that transition together. I've noticed I can still fluff up, especially if I'm not dealing with things that I need to deal with, but I couldn't get. I didn't do anything different, Cat. I didn't do anything different, but the lifestyle was different. People here were like outside and very at the beach or on the mountain. They loved to do like in the prairies. Where I was from which is a little bit more your area because it's more central in the nation it was fucking cold. We would hole up inside and make our art because we were fucking frozen. You know what I mean. We just eat potatoes and shit and like fries and chips and then come out in the warmer months and here's the beautiful art I made, and so there's a great art scene in that part of the world. It was like this great, you know, and I had a lot of expression. But then there were these hugely challenging seasons, and so now the challenging seasons are not the same.
Vaness Henry: 1:02:26
I was reading some stuff in the manifestor community recently that people were like asking questions to each other and some manifestors like are we just always going to be tired? And everybody was like yes, yes, yes. And I was like I'm not always tired, that's not my reality at all anymore. Don't get me wrong. I get time, I'll get a big burst and I got to sleep for three days because that's my cycle, but I'm not tired in my day to day. And I remember feeling like I'm always tired, I'm, and my kids were my kids. I always tired, I'm, and my kids were at my kids. I have one, my child was little, and so there was this survival component now. But I'm not tired in this place and I do think there's something to that. I think it's because my body's finally experiencing deep rest.
Vaness Henry: 1:03:08
I think environment plays way more than we realize, and when I look at somebody like you, cyclically your environment would change. So it would make sense that all of a sudden you're here, you're doing this and you love it, and it's like it's not it anymore. Something has shifted. I've grown, so I now need to be in the space that holds me in that way. So, making this move to this heart of this place that you're excited about, I'm like, okay, now this is going to be something to watch. There's anytime someone does a move like this, I zero in and I'm like what's going to happen here? What are we going to see? Because you, I often see people relax. Now, not everybody has that kind of environment style, but it's, it's funny. Their faces change, they look more themselves or something. It's weird.
Cat Fitzgerald: 1:03:53
Have you seen this? I did, yes, and I took a picture of myself in front of the house yesterday. I did a whole tour on my stories, by the way, and of course friends, so go watch that, but but there's a picture of me that I did a selfie right in front of the house and I swear to god, I look so fucking peaceful, I look so zen you know, there's something and I noticed that I'm.
Cat Fitzgerald: 1:04:13
I'm right in the space where I can feel my body's being pulled to the next thing that I'm going to and my mind is having all these moments because, like you know, I'm all up in my ego about like, well, it's not. It's not about the fatness, like I don't have a problem with the fatness, like I think I can be beautiful and fat. It's about the confidence, it's about the illness, it's about the. You know, I'm just not feeling right in my body, but not the same way that my partner is. It's so interesting how we mirror each other like that you know, and I just noticed that I'm having that push and pull there.
Vaness Henry: 1:04:46
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on Sorry. Totally open spleen, totally open sacral mirroring the health of the environment, mirroring the life force of the environment. Yeah, you're really tied in this kind of interesting way, but it's coming out in you in these different ways. And then suddenly, yeah, now it's like a little bit of competition with your spouse, it's like.
Cat Fitzgerald: 1:05:06
but you're looking very good. You can't be hotter than me. Like we can't be doing that.
Vaness Henry: 1:05:15
Thank you for sharing this story with me and going into it. I think it's a really beautiful example. I have talked about it as an example before, anonymously, because I think it is so profound and you're so human design, aware and loving and known for being intelligent, compassionate in this. So when this was going on, it was like me. I was like this is some next level example of of what the six line transition can be like and also what the fuck is that like for someone supporting that and alongside that and it's just interesting to see how it's made you now self reflect on what I'm hearing is maybe your own femininity, yeah, and it's coming through the partner, yeah, fascinating, yeah yeah, and it's funny because, like I've always thought, like the, the idea of masculine and feminine has always been so like, oh, I'm half and half, whatever, I don't have a problem with either side.
Cat Fitzgerald: 1:06:10
But then when I actually really am forced to directly look at it, it's like, oh, actually, there's this like kind of pushing together, polarizing moment of like I really want people to look at me, I want to be an influencer, I want to be like blah, blah, blah on display, but at the same time, god forbid anybody look at me, god forbid anyone think I'm attractive. That's not safe, that's dangerous. And then it's tied back to like past trauma stuff and I'm like, oh, okay, it's like you think you've healed something, but it just comes around again wearing a different set of clothing and you're like, who are you stranger?
This was a 6/2 Studio production. Find us at SIX-TWO.STUDIO for all your creative sound needs.
