No. 12 - The Six-Line Transition with Alex Cantone
Come hang with me and my friend Al — the 6/2 Self-Projected Projector — as we discuss what it feels like to go on the roof and experience dramatic shifting in your relationships and lifestyle. Alex Cantone is a Shores Environment with Power View! After documenting her love story and pregnancy on the docuseries HDIRL, Al fled from the spotlight to retreat into her hermit-nature once she became a parent. Now, pregnant with her second child, Alex shares how much life has changed for her in a short amount of time.
Alex is best known for her work in the Human Design space during her first life phase where she specialized in child energetics and how to show up for your kids as a modern, aware parent. After recognizing she did not have the life experience with her own kids, Alex felt she couldn’t support parents as well as she could, and burnt down aspects of her past work. So how does she feel about it all now that she IS a parent and very much in it? Catch up with me and Alex Cantone to hear about marriage, family, flipping houses, new careers, and transitioning into your next self.
Find Alex’s work at:
alexcantone.com
You’re Invited
Parenting by Design
HDIRL
Vaness Henry: 0:03
It's Vaness Henry, you're listening to insights, my private podcast exclusively for community members like you. Here's my latest insight: I've invited my longtime friend, Alex Cantone, onto the show today.
Vaness Henry:
0:25
Alex Cantone is somebody I have created with repeatedly over and over. She is a really big inspiration source of mine and someone I relate to on a unique level. Al is a six two role model hermit. Just like me, she's also shores, which we know I love, and she has that wonderful power view. So she brings this really interesting context to the shore when we have these come together moments on what it's like to be a six line who transitions into that six line experience and goes on the roof. There's not a lot of people I can talk to about that, and Alex is one of my friends who I've been able to go through the phases of transitioning with, and so I really value our relationship, Al, for the perspective that you bring in, allowing me to actually even understand what the fuck is going on with me sometimes. So welcome to the show.
Alex Cantone:
Thanks, haha.
Vaness Henry:
1:24
Alex has recently had a baby. She is kind of away on her mat leave. She's climbed on the roof, she's pulled away and Alex has let me know that I can share this. She's having another baby, so she is extra pulled away in her home life. She's kind of started flipping homes with her husband when, I think just a few short years ago, we were creating all this art together and I remember saying to you like in six months your life could be totally different. And now I feel like you've got two dogs, a kid, another kid on the way, and a husband and you live on top of a mountain and it's like this classic going on the roof story. So how did we get here? How did we get here?
Alex Cantone:
1:58
It all started with HDIRL.
Vaness Henry:
2:04
Yeah.
Alex Cantone:
2:06
That's really cool. It's been hard to it has been hard to rewatch that, but I did, and I'm really happy that our love story is documented in those first few weeks, which were really weird and challenging, and now it's just like doesn't that seem so far away? Now, though? I mean, we are coming up in April on our two year anniversary of literally meeting.
Vaness Henry:
2:35
Yeah.
Alex Cantone:
2:35
We got married one year after we met and then yeah, so we're going to have our one-year marriage-iversary, but two-year meeting.
Vaness Henry:
2:47
HDR was a cool thing we did, looking back Like, hey, let's try a little docu-series reality show-inspired thing and put it in the Spacious app that we were experimenting with. And I remember Alex coming to me and being like I met a guy, I'm pretty into him. He invited me on a trip and I was like this is fun. Oh my God, is this guy loaded? That's what I remember thinking. I was like fun for her and um, she was. We were in filming at that time and she was like is it crazy if I ask him to film? And I was like, do it.
Alex Cantone:
3:21
And he was so into it, how supportive, he was loved it, he loved it. Well, I found out later that he and he still says that's like he wants to be on tv, like he wants our house flipping to become like this tell you know, he just has those dreams and he's so, he's so outgoing and he is so like, just he's like I'm. I feel like I'm definitely a homebody, I feel like I'm definitely a Herman and I'm like no, no, no, you're just looking at me, you're mirroring me, you are not five right.
Alex Cantone:
3:53
He's a three, five generator of the three five. I know, I know, I know.
Alex Cantone:
3:58
I remember saying to him on our first date. He was like so intrigued by me because I had so many projects going on that, so many of them that didn't even come to fruition, but like I just was in this place where there were all of these possibilities, potentials around me, business, wise, like in the digital space, and we were doing HD IRL. And I remember on our first day I was like telling him about it because we were beginning to film, I think that week after I had met him, and I'm like, yeah, so I'm actually like filming this, like reality TV type of YouTube show thing, and like I always have felt very timid and strange when I talk about what online endeavors I've gotten myself into.
Vaness Henry:
4:46
It's like how do you explain, like what you do? I have no idea, yeah.
Alex Cantone:
4:50
You'd be like what do you do? I'm like I don't know, you know, so you just make something up on the fly. But with him I felt very safe to talk about it and I was like, yeah, so anyway, and our, we, things accelerated between us very quickly and continue to. Nothing has changed and it's just it was like so funny because I was like so yeah, I'm kind of going to be like filming it and like I'm not going to have you in it, but I'm just letting you know. This is something that I'm like doing as we're getting to know each other. And then you know we were going on the trip and I'm like I really need footage from this trip because this is like super cool, yeah, yeah, like what a guy.
Alex Cantone:
5:28
He really liked that. I think he really. He thought that was like very intriguing and very attractive, that I was just like doing these things because he's all about like just not really caring what people think about you. And he I mean he's like so brave out in the world and the way he like does things and says things. And I'm not usually like that, but I had to kind of play that character in order to get comfortable with filming myself for HDIRL, so I think that attracted him. So thanks to you, I got myself a husband. Oh sure, I'll take that that guy.
Vaness Henry:
6:03
yeah sure Give the ego manif. Yeah sure Give some. Give the ego manifestor credit.
Alex Cantone:
6:06
Sure.
Vaness Henry:
6:07
Like another project that you and I did together. That's one of my all time favorite projects we've done, because we have an accumulation of art we've made. Now which is very interesting to me was the show we did called Profiled, where we went through all the characters. So episode one was the one three investigating martyr. Episode two was the one for the investigating opportunist and we went through all the 12 profiles and at that time you weren't on the roof yet. You were going on the roof and looking back like it's so cool to look at how your story played out.
Vaness Henry:
6:43
You began when I first came across you online. There wasn't a lot of people in the human design space. It was like 2018, 2019. And you were the first person I saw who was talking about kids and the content you made was fun. It was beautiful.
Vaness Henry:
6:58
I was a young parent at that time and felt very passionate about kid stuff. The reason I got into human design was because of kid stuff and I had really struggled with becoming a parent and being in response to my child. I had been human design aware before I became a parent, but having my son is what made me almost take it seriously as an awareness tool to help me become a better parent, and that's the space I was in when I discovered your work. And the way you talked about your work was something I really resonated with, because you wove in variable and in variable studies in human design. It's like you don't have to do anything, just observe this and it's important. After you're sat in return, you know like that's kind of how it's positioned, and you were one of the first people who were like actually I think this is important for children and that is true. But it was almost like that got missed at the time, like we weren't realized we are so about ourselves and how to take care of ourselves and decondition ourselves. There was a bit of oversight around. Your kids aren't conditioned and they're perfect as they are. Let's train you to watch them be amazing. That's what your content was doing for me as a parent and then I. We became friends. We talked about kids a lot. You came from this teaching background, so not only did you have this human design awareness, but you knew what it was like to be with kids and how kids learn. You had so much knowledge here and you're you're a natural and you're super artistic, so what you shared was like digestible, practical. I could take it and really apply it to myself as a parent. And so, as we became friends, I was so drawn to your work and I knew that you were a three two at that time. I knew you were, you were, you were in your twenties and I didn't care. I was like I'm so drawn to her.
Vaness Henry:
8:54
Eden Carpenter is another person I have felt. You and I have watched, because she is young and we've, we, you get interested in watching the transition to a six line, because you go through some flack a little bit and then you, you transition. And so you had this moment of when you were gearing up to go on the roof and realized I can't be doing this anymore. And that was very interesting to watch you go through. Because here she is, she has all this talent, she has all this knowledge, she has all this wisdom, and it was like why is she pulling away, Even though I can see why she's a role model and she's, she's going in her process. You then were like I can feel that I have all this knowledge, but it's not yet embodied, because I need to be a parent to be able to actually put it into practice for myself.
Vaness Henry:
9:41
And so you then started slowly pulling away. You started doing some traveling, you accidentally fell in love with someone you bumped into. And then you then started slowly pulling away. You started doing some traveling, you accidentally fell in love with someone you bumped into. And then now you are in this phase and you're a parent, but you are not sharing online. You don't have the capacity. Your home, you're with your child, you're growing another child, you're supporting your husband, discovering new things you like, flipping houses using your great style, using that amazing power view shores, flipping the house around. After this long-winded story of your life me watching your life how does that feel to hear? And where are you at now with everything you understand about kids?
Alex Cantone:
10:18
I love listening to you tell my life story.
Alex Cantone:
10:20
I'm like this is wonderful because it doesn't have my mental chatter inserted into it. So to hear you sort of lay it out, this like the storyline so beautifully, I'm like, oh, it's all good. It's all good, you know, because I have been thinking about what I used to do a lot, the community that I built online, and it's like that's really the part that sticks out to me when you're like how do you feel? Because it's really strange to commit years right of time and energy and dedication and drive to building something and then and drive to building something, and then I mean, dare I say, like having the courage to step away from that and let it kind of run its course and let it do its own thing. Because the reality is like if you're not creating content, if you're not engaging online, things are going to fall flat in that area and it's not going to feel like you're relevant in that space anymore and, funny enough, it still continues to live on. I get emails all the time, I get messages all the time.
Alex Cantone:
11:33
I still get orders rolling in, people buying the Parenting by Design book that I did. And it's just like it's so funny because it's like people still reach out to me and they're like, can I translate this in my language? Can I use your information for blah, blah, blah? And I'm like, oh my gosh, do I even dare revisit that information? Because would I even talk about it the same way? Would I look at it the same way, right? So I think I'm just kind of like letting it all sit there and simmer and I've developed this way of kind of being detached from it and being like that was just so the three-two phase of my life and I couldn't actually possibly, at least right now, wrap my head around the idea of going back in and doing that again, on the idea of going back in and doing that again. And there's this, this like coming to peace with what was and what is. Now that I feel like I am grappling with that, I am learning how to make peace with right now, and that's kind of where.
Vaness Henry:
12:38
I'm grappling with it.
Alex Cantone:
12:39
I think there's just sometimes that I'm like, oh gosh, I should be online. Or you know, chris is talking to me like we're doing these flips and I'm doing these designs, and he's just like you have this platform, like you have people. Like you know, when people see someone who like have a platform, who have like people, who have followers, it's kind of like, well, why wouldn't you just share with all of these people and like everyone wants like followers, everyone wants eyes on them.
Vaness Henry:
13:07
It's kind of this thing. It's a vanity metric. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah it's like, well, why wouldn't you?
Alex Cantone:
13:11
you know you already have the people there Like, why wouldn't you just share? And I'm like, yeah, there's a part of me that wants to, but then there's another part of me that like can't right now. And so that's kind of, when I say I'm grappling with it, it's like, oh, I miss that time, but it doesn't mean I'm in a position to do that again at least right now and, I think, the awareness of being on the roof now and really feeling like I've settled on the roof.
Vaness Henry:
13:43
It's different. Hey, remember it's. Am I going You're like no, now I very much feel that I have arrived and that I'm there.
Alex Cantone:
13:55
There's a different energy that is permeating in my existence, and having that awareness is just so, so valuable, because it allows me to make peace with any of the grappling that does come up, which is really just like mental chatter in the late night hours, after I'm up at three o'clock in the morning with my baby, when I can't fall back asleep and I'm like I should be on the internet. No, you shouldn't be on the internet, you should go to sleep. So, yeah, I find that having the awareness of what it means to be a six tube, what it means to be on the roof, is so helpful, because otherwise I could see how I might really hold on to and carry with me the baggage from the three, two lifestyle that I had to live in order to get here, and then I might not be in the same position you had a lot of success in your first life phase.
Alex Cantone:
14:43
Yes.
Vaness Henry:
14:44
Yeah, can we talk about that? And success in terms of how you would identify feeling successful as a self-projected projector? Because you were. They were financially successful. You were traveling around the world, lots of friendships, dating. So what was what did success look like in the first life phase, I think, and also your. Your version of success now might be different, right. I know, I know.
Alex Cantone:
15:07
Cause I think the first thing that came to mind was like I felt very important. I felt very important when I was doing the human design parenting stuff. I felt like people wanted to come to me, they wanted my advice, they wanted my expertise. It actually feels very like egoic in a way, where I was like yeah, it's just like oh, I felt so important. I feel like people liked me. I feel like people wanted to.
Vaness Henry:
15:33
Yeah, of course, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're feeling like? Oh, I felt it felt egoic and important.
Vaness Henry:
15:38
I felt pride, yeah, I felt proud of my work and being valued by others, and it made me feel a way, so I think I know it could. There could be something in there that's like was I in any way too egotistical or too proud? And I don't think so. As somebody who was as friends with you and observed you, I think it was a healthy dose that you needed to experience of you were recognized, you were, you are, but at that time what we're talking about your work was extremely valued and your perspective was very valued, and so you had created this hotspot for yourself that you could dip into, and you were celebrated and it made you very successful.
Alex Cantone:
16:23
Yeah, I feel like it was the first time that the and I have the 4323 channel. It's one of my two channels, so it felt like it was the first time that, like I had a place to say the weird things that just came to me and that was a really cool to have that outlet and it was like external validation. But in this way, that was really important and healthy for me at the time because I needed to feel like people, yeah, recognize me, cared about me, that what I said was important. It's so cool to build a platform in that way and I feel like those types of that perspective can be, like, made to be something negative. Oh, you shouldn't be seeking the external validation or, you know, you shouldn't be doing it for the followers and the likes and this, this and that. But like projector, I want to be recognized. I want to be seen and excuse me.
Vaness Henry:
17:23
I'd like to expand my reach because the way I have built a life for myself is somebody who works in an online medium, and so I take care of myself in a different way. So for me, expanding my reach can be extremely beneficial for my career. I'm not locked into a brick and mortar thing. There is like a little bit of like a bad reputation associated with if you're like chasing followers or and it's like can we all just hold on? Actually that like we know that there are other metrics that are important when you're navigating online life, but when you're trying to expand your reach, like every business in the world is trying to do that, so let us not lose sight of the fact that we can get lost in that for sure, but it also has value, Like it has Absolutely.
Alex Cantone:
18:04
I mean it's silly to say like I think it's silly now. You know the whole conversation that's been going on for years, I think with the whole 2020, like just the what 2020 created.
Vaness Henry:
18:16
The awareness leap yeah.
Alex Cantone:
18:18
Yeah, and it's like oh, the algorithm and this and that, and it's just like, let's just be real, algorithm and this and that, and it's just like, let's just be real. Followers, likes saves, engagement is highly valuable and it matters and it's good for your business and if you create beautiful content, it is going to equal followers, like if you create beautiful, engaging, entertaining content, people are going to like it and it's going to grow whatever you're trying to grow, and I think it's like to try to be, to try to like be be bigger than that.
Alex Cantone:
18:53
to have like a higher perspective than just like what the algorithm is, is kind of silly.
Vaness Henry:
18:58
Well, people get so angry with the algorithm and I hate this Like, excuse me, I don't. I don't like to say hate, but I strongly dislike when people are like the algorithm did this to me, or what's going on with the algorithm? It's like oh my God, the algorithm is based on you.
Vaness Henry:
19:13
It's you the algorithm is based on what you mindlessly do when you're not paying attention. So pay attention to. Why do I keep seeing? Oh my God, this is. I love the Kardashians. Okay, because I love to watch them as examples through the human design. I know that not everybody likes them, but you and I, we will watch the Kardashians and then we will chat about everything about them through this human design perspective. We love them and there's such amazing examples to learn through. So that's why I like to observe them.
Vaness Henry:
19:42
Sometimes I will be scrolling through some type of content that's featuring one of them and all I read is people being like why do I keep seeing these people, mama?
Vaness Henry:
19:52
it's like it takes everything in me to be like because you're fucking commenting on it just like this Every time you see a picture of them, you click it and you open it and you are feeding that you want to see more of this and then, yeah, so people don't realize the power they have and then they start blaming everything going on. And how do I? You can work with your algorithm. It is just a programming that you can program, manipulate to what you want it to be. I personally love it. It's like I'm looking for I need a black desk, or I wanted this and I'm going to go search it, look everywhere give it to me, show it to me.
Vaness Henry:
20:27
Where is the one I want? You know what I mean. But when you lose sight of what you're doing in that space, it can start to become a very triggering space, because you keep seeing these things. It's like, why am I seeing this? And you keep clicking it and it's like dangling this thing in front of you. You know, and it can be hard to have self-control in this space.
Alex Cantone:
20:45
I think yeah, yeah, no for sure. So it's just like one of those things where I saw the result of like creating content, creating relevant content, creating educational content, creating entertaining content, showing up consistently, committing to it what that looked like in my own special way and growing my human design awareness through that experience, through being a little messy online and vulnerable and putting myself out there in a way that I'm like anyone could screenshot this and stamp this in time and be like Alex Cantone said this about human design and this is the thing that she sent, you know, a lot of that too.
Vaness Henry:
21:26
Absolutely, that's what our productions have done for me. I've had to make peace with things I've said in the past. I was just listening to myself on an interview recently. I went on a podcast and I've been doing a bunch of podcasts over the winter and spring. And I've been doing a bunch of podcasts over the winter and spring and the first I'm introduced and then I just taught for 15 minutes straight and I'm so.
Vaness Henry:
21:50
I was so embarrassed I cringe. I was so embarrassed listening to myself. I had to go to Derek and be like I'm feeling so egotistical and ashamed. I just listened to myself on this podcast and I feel like all I did I just told my story and left no space for anybody to talk or ask questions, cause I didn't want you to ask questions. This is my story. I'm going to tell it to you until my breath is done. Then I'll like it was so ego manifester and embarrassing, it was so cringy, so I was like I had to kind of just shake it off and now be like okay, try and gather your spirits and organize your thoughts a little bit better, take a breath, let other people speak. It's not the Vanessa show. You know what I mean.
Vaness Henry:
22:30
And, um, looking back at shows like on the roof or HDIRL or profile or any of these other fun things we've done, I do something cringe in each one. There's something that I've done in each one that I'm like, oh God, whether it's an outfit I wore, an off the cuff thing I've said and I've had to come to terms with. That is not necessarily how I feel now, but I did say it and it has become this incredible fuel to self-refine. Some people will be like I never listened to myself on a podcast. I never watched myself. That used to be me because I was so embarrassed of myself, even the sound of my voice or how I looked.
Vaness Henry:
23:09
But as I started making more shows and more content and observing myself and observing how people react to me in the shared space, it was so eye-opening and mutative and I think it is the thing that helped me expand my own sense of personal awareness. I don't think I would be able to be where I am without those art forms forcing me to come to terms with who I am, what I've said and what I've done. And there is, and once you reach that place, there is something light about it. Where it's like there I am silly a little, me being a little. Look at what you said there, you little goofball. Look at where you are now. You treat it like an inner child almost. I have been in the places where I was so hard on myself for that, and now I can look at it with a certain peace, I guess, a certain understanding.
Alex Cantone:
24:02
What's that experience like for you? Well, I just think that's so important to find your way to that piece with previous versions of yourself. I think that six lines who go through those three life phases and then the phases within those transitions are really good examples of what that can look like in a very messy way, in a very healthy way, and everything in between. Because, again, with the age of the internet just expanding and expanding, and expanding, I would say, since 2020, seeing all of these different movements and pressure that's been put on us to be a certain way, say things in a certain way, be an activist about every thing that's happening in the world. I mean, there's so much pressure on those of us who have platforms and then who don't have platforms to speak on a topic and be PC about something and talk in a certain way and use proper you know, refer to someone in the proper way that they want to be referred to and like there's just so much to be aware of.
Alex Cantone:
25:16
So many quote unquote rules that we need to abide by and so many opportunities for mistakes.
Alex Cantone:
25:24
It's all fake.
Alex Cantone:
25:25
It's just pressure, it's just conditioning and the idea of messing it up and saying something that is maybe messy or can be looked at as ignorant or wrong or racist or whatever it might be.
Alex Cantone:
25:42
It's like we fear that so much because we see people in the public eye get burned at the stake, get canceled on the internet, get totally ostracized by communities and what's our greatest fear as human beings is at the end of our life, just being alone, right? So I think, and getting to the bottom of like, what am I actually afraid of finding out if I go back into my past and revisit the decisions that I made and the things that I did, like which are so important, things for us to do as human beings, to become aware and to evolve in our awareness, thing to do because, yeah, we need that. But it also can be very hard because we fear what we might find and how cringy it might be or embarrassing it might be or wrong it might be, according to what, like, our moral compass looks like now or the moral compass that has been projected on us from society.
Vaness Henry:
26:42
I have found that when those situations do find me, it is the way through. It for me has been to use myself as an example and to kind of make fun of myself and to use my own sense, my own story, full of mistakes, and be brave in sharing those mistakes. I find that that has a big impact on people rather than, if I like, get on some kind of high horse on the roof and go, do this, do this. It can easily tip into that hypocritical energy, but when I'm able to go here's what I did and here's why that hurt me or wasn't good for me and here's where I fucked up it allows other people to almost see themselves in your story and pick from it what they need and how they're going to relate to. Because I've learned in the past, when I have that energy of like pointing my finger, you need to do this. On my tone Some people that really works for, but on my tone it's just too much and then it creates this sort of abrasive reaction. So when I make fun of myself like I can be self-deprecating, or when I use my own mistakes as the story and you know you're not putting yourself above, you're putting yourself right in the thick of it Almost. I find that that connects the most with the others. Something I would love your perspective on, that I've been thinking about lately. I've just reached this point on my roof journey where I feel quite detached and it is like, well, how do you make a living for yourself at this time? Because so many people have said to me that the the roof phase of the six line experience feels like permanent vacation, like you're just like so many people stop owning homes and start renting homes because they try to lighten up. You and I both fell into that category, um, and there's other people in this space who have come to me with that as well. Often we start having children, though not, of course, not unanimously. There's just this little shift that happens. So, anyways, not to lose my train of thought here, sorry, but when I'm looking at these certain life phases the first life phase now this really detached second life phase I've been looking at, well, coming off the roof and I've been really watching a few people that I would love your perspective on.
Vaness Henry:
28:54
Pamela Anderson is one, in how she is a six. Two, she's pure generator and she's mountains and she, her whole kind of going on. The roof experience was when the sex tape of her came out. She had made a private sex tape with her husband and it was stolen from their house and then kind of put all over the world and because she was a sex symbol, we were like she was totally disrespected. It was like, oh well, you put yourself out there, we can have it right now. She then went away. She hid, she had her babies. She was like, okay, fuck this, I'll get involved with PETA and I'll you know I won't be doing those type of racy things anymore, cause now I'm traumatized. Here she raises her sons. She comes off the roof and her sons are like mom, you weren't treated right Like mom. Look at this mom, mom, mom and she.
Vaness Henry:
29:44
We want to make a documentary and prove it. And she was like I don't want any part of it, Just like I'll. You're my boys. Do whatever you want, you have access to everything, Just don't show me.
Vaness Henry:
29:52
And all of a sudden she starts being in the spotlight again, right as she's coming off the roof. And she's in the spotlight for being a natural and being so beautiful and standing for all these high values and morals, when that is exactly what we chastised her for when she was going on the roof. So I immediately think of Kylie Jenner, who's another 6'2" who's on this similar kind of story. But watching Pamela has been like oh okay, there's a potential, there's an off-the-roof story that I can have, in my frame of mind, to watch. This is now contrasted with Jennifer Lopez, is another 6'2 two coming off the roof doing a documentary of her love story.
Vaness Henry:
30:30
When she went on the roof she was going to be with Ben Affleck. It didn't work out. It went on the roof, it fell apart, got married, had babies, came off the roof, got back with Ben Affleck, is making all making art of her life and, based on the feedback, I see she's like, not liked, which I was surprised because I, quite like Jennifer Lopez. I saw the Selena movie and was hooked. You know what I mean. And they're like she can't sing, she can't act, she can't dance. She's the biggest fake in the industry and now it's time that she knows. And that's what's being brought to light as she comes off the roof. What are some of these examples that I've just named? What do you see in there in your own experience and in the roof process?
Alex Cantone:
31:07
just named. What do you see in there, in your own experience and in the roof process? Well, I think it's just a really good example that you don't really have the authority over what type of role model you're going to be viewed as? Public perception Totally, especially those that we're looking at, who are in the public eye. We talk about the role model, but it's not like they're deciding. I'm going to be a model of this.
Alex Cantone:
31:32
The public just decides what they are going to be a model for, and there's no saying if it's true or false or if that even matters.
Vaness Henry:
31:42
They're an example of this.
Alex Cantone:
31:44
They're just an example of that thing and it's like wow, knowing that honestly, it brings me relief, it doesn't scare me, it's like oh, so then all I have to really worry about is living my little life, making myself happy, being myself, doing what I want to do, Because at the end of the day, I'm going to be perceived. I can't help but be perceived.
Vaness Henry:
32:11
In some way shape or form.
Alex Cantone:
32:12
Yeah, Because that's the path that I'm on as a six line is I'm going to be perceived, I'm going to be made an example. I've always been made an example in different areas of my life, my whole entire life, and some of them I've really enjoyed and relished in and other ones I've really not enjoyed at all. And it's like I just can't help what people will perceive me as, what people will make me an example of, what people will take from what I say, do how I be in the world. So all I can really do is be who I am and worry about myself. And I see these people, these examples. I would say the common thread in those three examples that you named are that they are doing that. They are just being themselves. They are following their passions and pursuing their dreams and doing what they want to do and doing things to their body that they want to do for themselves. And the public especially has a lot of opinions about how these three women dress themselves, put themselves out in the public eye.
Alex Cantone:
33:17
It's like all of a sudden we are celebrating Pamela Anderson because she's not wearing makeup and she's going barefaced and we love that. But then we look at Kylie Jenner and we're like pointing fingers at her because she's getting plastic surgery and she's also going barefaced. Let's just point that out, but look how old she is.
Vaness Henry:
33:34
She's so ugly she's ruined her face. Could you fucking imagine being a teenager having to deal with that? I think fame is such a trauma, having to deal with that. I think fame is such a trauma, and I think Kylie Jenner, as the 6'2, is in violent trauma. But look at the success you can make for yourself when you're the young 6' line. And so she's made this success, but you can already see her beginning her roof process. She's got kids. She's pulled away. She's a hermit. She's starting to question her power and how she sees things. She's going to go through a thing. She's going to be very interesting to watch from that perspective.
Vaness Henry:
34:15
Some of the weirdest things for me as a six line was the way people watched me, the way I learned. People were watching me that I wasn't aware of. For example, people would look at who I follow or they would be. I see you follow this person. Well, there are this, that, this, that like they would come to me like that earlier in my online days you're friends with so and so you need to reach out, cause they're saying, like people used to try and drag me into war based on who my follower was, and so once that was getting really like intense. I unfollowed everybody and had to totally reset who I would go follow. And I I'm going to be honest with you, I'm very intentional about that because people go in and watch who I'm watching, which I think is so fucking weird. It makes me feel like it makes me a hermit like nothing else, just to that Cause I don't go. I don't go look at stuff like that On threads.
Vaness Henry:
35:10
Recently I realized you could scroll and see everything I had ever replied to and I was like, oh my God, I hate that. And I saw I was always replying to the same people and I went onto your account and saw I could see everybody you had replied to. And then I went on Jazz's account. I could see everyone she had replied to and I was like I'm so fucking like. I just feel so gross, like I'm spying on people. And it made me realize, oh, this is what people do. They get off on this, they want to know all your little interactions. And I had learned people were watching me and writing about me and that was weird. That was, that was. That was weird for me. What has been some of your weirdest moments of like realizing you're the six line Like cause. That's a different experience. If anything comes to mind, I would love to hear it. It doesn't necessarily need to be what I did, but the weirdness of the six line experience and people watching you whether you're aware of them or not.
Alex Cantone:
36:02
I found myself on Reddit recently.
Vaness Henry:
36:05
Oh, fuck, yeah, okay.
Alex Cantone:
36:06
Yeah, okay, it was actually very positive. It's not a lot. I mean, not a lot of people are talking about me to my knowledge, but it was something like that where I'm like, oh, there's these sub-conversations in the corners of the internet happening, where people are sharing their opinions about me, about my work, about what I did, about my podcast.
Alex Cantone:
36:29
That is still out there publicly. I think it's like the thing that and I don't know if this is just a six line, I mean, I wouldn't say this is just a six line thing but something in that realm that I notice is that everything that I've said, done, which kind of goes back to what we've been saying this whole time, like it lives, it lives on and I feel like I'm living this totally different life to where I was at then. Yet I have this personality that still sort of lingers and lives on in these different corners of the internet and that's just a strange feeling to be like there's all these different versions of me that people are still like talking about.
Vaness Henry:
37:18
I have a couple of things to say about that. The personality shift that I personally went through was pretty radical, same sounding as what yours is, and this was part of what made me break up from a lot of my important relationships in life, because a lot of these people were not necessarily willing to see me another way. They were not necessarily open to recognizing I had been through a transformation and continuing to go through a transformation and I am not that person anymore. But they were like classic Vanessa, always doing ABC, like they were holding me back in that reality and with. I've had to have a couple of confrontational conversations with important people being like look, I'm not that. I do not stand for that. I will not continue to stand for that.
Vaness Henry:
38:04
That needs to shift and in a lot of times that was respected and in other times there was like distance put between Um and I too have discovered conversations about me on Reddit. That's fucking terrifying. I can't even explain to you the fear that that gives me in my body. Thankfully I have never come across anything, anybody saying anything malicious. It was all still very encouraging, supportive and celebratory of my work. Thank God, because even receive, even reading the celebratory stuff, I had a whole fucking nervous breakdown about it so I can't imagine how, what would have happened had I come across it.
Vaness Henry:
38:42
It's so, it's so weird to feel people you don't know are talking about you. Like I had been looking up something on the app for the app once and had come across a whole article that was like Vanessa Henry spacious app, yeah, and I was so upset about it because I was like this is not my app, but to see that it was being perceived that way and that I was being kind of like held accountable for for things, the fact that people had written articles, I think what it did to me was like you need to realize you are a public persona and that your personality exists out there and it's, it's a piece of you. You have this whole other life, but I did have to kind of start playing this part of like show up as that character and exist. I guess exist because you, it's like the people. I think it will outlive me out Like it's like there and it's like this formless personality that people like no, feel they have a relationship with anybody who's like, even like interacted with my work.
Vaness Henry:
39:46
The way I do my work is I make it feel very intimate, like I'm talking to you. I don't often do things like hey, it's I. That's why I ended up shutting down my DMS, because I would have hundreds of DMS of people telling me they're like horror stories of awful things that had happened to them. And I was like, holy shit, I can't be, I can't Cause if I don't acknowledge you, you feel away, but I can't be literally just acknowledging and reading all this stuff.
Vaness Henry:
40:28
I needed to kind of create these boundaries, but they were like creating me into this or perceiving me as this character that could hold them in that because of the artworks I had made, and so my, my humanity was not being realized by the other. You know, it was kind of like, oh, you said this and I got to come pour my heart out to you and say all this thing and I've written you this six page article about this trauma that I've been through and I'm like what do I fucking do with this? It was challenging for me. It's challenging for me to be perceived and I want to say I don't. I'm at this place where I don't feel people are mistreating me or cruel or malicious. Of course there's little bumps that happen here and there, but I feel relatively respected by my community and yet that is still hard and weirdly dysregulating because of the expectation or something. So can you relate to any of that?
Alex Cantone:
41:22
Absolutely. I feel like that is one of the reasons that led me to making the decision to ultimately leave the human design parenting, human design for kids chapter behind, because I felt like I had this great responsibility to look into a parent-child dynamic and be able to solve all of these parents' problems and challenges and issues that they were having. And now, being a parent and being in the first year of parenting, I'm like, oh my gosh, I was holding space for people who were in such fragile states and I had no concept of what that was like, and I was giving them knowledge and information because I thought that's what was helpful Right, and I'm sure it was for those people to an extent. But thinking about where I'm at now, it's like I am so careful of who I share things with when I'm going through a challenge because I find the realm of parenting to just be so filled with it's a cacophony.
Alex Cantone:
42:38
Do this, do that, the quick fix, how to get your baby to sleep through the night Breastfeed, formula feed, combo feed you must do this. It's like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And when you're a really open and sensitive being being plugged into, any of that can be super overwhelming. And then you're a new parent and you stumble upon human design.
Alex Cantone:
42:58
As you're a new parent, I am so grateful that I discovered it beforehand and really got my hands dirty beforehand, because if I had just been discovering it now, I think it would feel like I need to get this information because I'm in such a desperate place and this is going to help me. And I'm only speaking from where I feel I'm at as a parent, because sometimes, when I'm having the hardest moments and I haven't slept for days straight, it's like what can I do? And I have such a short list of people who I reach out to when I am in that place, because I cannot hear certain things from certain people. So I feel like, wow, I was holding space for people and I was like guiding people and coaching people who I just didn't even I couldn't even relate to the situation that they were in, because I wasn't in that situation yet.
Vaness Henry:
43:57
This is ultimately why you pulled yourself away, like you had the awareness.
Alex Cantone:
44:01
I was like I'm I'm starting to get into really deep stuff with people and they're really seeing me as this, like leader and guide in this area, and I just feel like I've hit a wall with how I can extend myself and like I can create the fun, light, airy, educational stuff that's going to get you a nice solid foundation. But I can't sit with you and hold space with you through your postpartum journey because I don't know that. And now I know that, and now I'm here and I'm like, oh gosh, you know, but I don't look at it. I don't look back and go oh, that was so irresponsible of me. Like it's like it was a transaction. People chose to work with me. I, you know, said yes to them like that and your work was a transaction.
Vaness Henry:
44:49
People chose to work with me. I, you know, said yes to them, like that, and your work was quite celebrated. So I like, based on what you were doing with your clients, like between you and I you're on this podcast um, your work was very celebrated. You know, it's not like there was like these, like treacherous mistakes that went on or anything like that.
Vaness Henry:
45:01
Human design came loud into my life because of parenting, and something that I always had really appreciated about your work was like about training the parent, their awareness, because what we, what we typically do when we become parents, is like okay, well, I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. So you will almost like listen to anything at first, Like what do I do, what do you? And you and you start to comb through like what will work and I'm going to try these things, but it's you can have all this knowledge. But then, once you're embodied and in the experience, it's there's still just experiential challenges, like actually kind of going through it. And human design is about like you can understand your child actually in a better way than we previously thought, because our parents raised us in this way, where this is what my parents did and this is how we do it. It might not have worked for me, but that's how we do it. Instead of going, let me understand my child. You know it's just let me survive, and now we have this information that's that allows us to go. Let me understand myself, because I've I've been groomed away from myself, so I have to re get to know who I am, but my child has not been groomed away from themselves. So I have to re-get to know who I am, but my child has not been groomed away from themselves. So how might I now take this knowledge that I have and watch my child through that lens so that I, as the parent, have new awareness where I can support my child in these new ways? That's what, to me, is the most exciting thing about human design as a whole.
Vaness Henry:
46:25
I really wish I was more in that space of speaking around that I think it will get louder for me as I, as my child grows, because you can just sometimes you're just so in it that it can be challenging to separate yourself from it and even honestly talk about it. Like I need space between me and the thing that is happening before I have the awareness to process it. But why I think child's energetics and work is so important is because they don't have to necessarily go through the things that we went through with our parents. We can have different kinds of relationships with our kids now because the collective awareness has reached a point where we're not interested in blaming our parents anymore or our grandparents, we're not giving our parents what they needed, et cetera, et cetera, Like we're. We've reached this cumulative awareness where it's like it can stop with me in this line, If I kind of reparent myself and then my kid for me was the catalyst to reparent myself, I don't think I would have been able to go on like the same kind of healing journey for my inner child without becoming a parent, because only when I watched my kid's life and saw things happening to him did I realize how young I was when things were happening to me.
Vaness Henry:
47:38
Only then did I realize how traumatic my life actually was by watching the innocence of my own child. That was the healing journey began when I became a parent, because I realized just the extremes that I went through when I was little. I think I may have always stayed in a without becoming a parent a position of like blaming others Cause I couldn't. I wouldn't be able to take accountability in the way I can now that I've become a parent. You're nodding. What's going on for you?
Alex Cantone:
48:10
Well, I'm just thinking about, like Chris and I, chris is really big on staying out of that victim mentality. He, first of all, he does only knows a lick about human design through me and is the most like perfect example of a three, five, splenic, informed, sacral generator. Cause he's I feel like they're a different category Like, he's, like a splenic, sacral, so he's just, he's perfectly his design. He's never tried a day in his life to be his design and he's my perfect teacher. For, like you don't have to be so engulfed in the knowledge to be living that's how I go about, derrick.
Vaness Henry:
48:52
He's yourself similar design to chris, like he's got a fully lit up spleen with all the gates activated, but pure generator. And yeah it does. It does create a different slight, a slightly different nuance to the breed, but like like quicker, it's quicker, right, like's just it's a little, uh, the decisions are quicker.
Alex Cantone:
49:11
He has, it's like a the the sacral knowing is just a little bit more of a split decision. Instincts, yeah yeah.
Vaness Henry:
49:20
Instincts are nuts to me. Like I, I default trust his instincts, sometimes over mine, because I'm like, oh my God, no, like me too, yeah, so it's very key. I think he's such an example of alignment, yes, without necessarily needing to be obsessively, you know, like in the knowledge.
Alex Cantone:
49:40
You can get so in your head about it if you're so in the knowledge, and that's where I've learned to really see the knowledge as that's just this fun experimental study that I get to involve myself in. It doesn't mean it hasn't served me, but it's not necessarily the thing that's going to propel me into deeper awareness of myself. The thing that's going to propel me is the actual lived experience of my life, is the embodiment of the stuff, are the mistakes that I'm making and the messiness in my relationship and the conflict that I experience out in life. It's all the kind of like not so pretty stuff. That is really the stuff that is more helpful.
Alex Cantone:
50:22
But going back to Chris as an example, is seeing him be his design so deeply really helps me take a step back with Hartley, because I never shared my birth story but I ended up going through labor for 72 hours. It resulted in an emergency C-section at the end. It was very traumatic for me because I had a completely different birth plan and idea of what was going to happen. Completely different birth plan and idea of what was going to happen. And so Chris has this video of me that I really talk about cringy. Looking back at ourselves. It's a video of me maybe 24, 48 hours after I had the C-section. Hartley is sleeping on my chest and I have his human design pulled up and Chris is like trying to drop into this moment the sweetest sweetie in the world. He's like recording. He's like look how beautiful she looks and she just gave birth and we're recovering in the hospital, like trying to like record this moment. And he's like what are you doing? How are you feeling right now? And I'm like I don't know. I'm just like looking up his design, I'm just trying to figure out who he is. I'm like this new, brand new, fresh baby that's just been inside of me and I'm just like what's his human design? And I haven't even looked at his chart since then because he's just unfolding. He's just unfolding and the thing that I've had the most challenge with, that I've learned the most about, is myself and my own energy and my own limitations and my own pitfalls as an individual and where I need to be like okay, I've got to make a change, because there have been so many times over the last 10 months where I've been like I will die on this hill, of doing things a certain way as a parent and then I get sick.
Alex Cantone:
52:14
I've gotten sick four times now like very ill, which I never typically get sick, like undefined spleen, always take very good care of myself, always very aware of when a sickness is coming on or when an illness is coming on. And I have gotten very, very sick, like bedridden sick, in the last 10 months four times, and it's always been when I am like at the crossroads between needing to make a change but wanting to die on the hill of. But this is the thing that I need to do as the parent. I need to exclusively breastfeed for at least one year, but you're pregnant and your supply is dipping. You're pregnant again and your supply is dipping and you can't produce the milk and your baby isn't sleeping and your baby isn't wetting their diapers and I'm like, but I need to breastfeed and it's just like.
Alex Cantone:
53:05
So I really am learning more about my limitations where I put pressure on myself, how hard on myself I am. What do I have the energy for, the capacity for as a parent? I remember, prior to having Hartley, a few months, I was like I don't need to have limitations as a projector, I can be the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And we had this conversation reflecting on the way that I was being and how defensive I was being over why is everyone asking me how I'm going to be a parent as a projector and how I'm going to handle it energetically as a projector, and now I do not have consistent access to a motor center? I am a very open, very, very sensitive being that isn't here to be the generator, the mover.
Alex Cantone:
54:00
I watch Chris be a parent as a generator and I'm like, oh okay, there's a difference. There's a very big difference between what he has the energy and capacity for and what I have the energy and capacity for. And this is actually not at all about Hartley and who he is, because he's just a baby and he's just learning about earth and taking it all in. And I notice his cold thirst, I notice his caves, environment. I notice we have had a lot of conversations about his variables and the different nuances, things beneath the surface that really make him the baby that he is.
Alex Cantone:
54:41
I notice certain things and sometimes I tie it back to human design and sometimes I don't, but it's just so much more about me, it's so much more about my own personal awareness study and when I get so lost in the other, so lost in, it needs to be this way for my baby. But like I'm really legitimately suffering and ill and that's not okay. I can't be there for my baby if I am that way. So it's taken 10 months and I'm sure I'll look back after baby number two comes and five years down the road and be like I thought I was good then. I was in the thick of it then. But it's so different from when you're in the four-month sleep regression and you're pulling your hair out and you don't know what to do with yourself and you know not to scare anyone, but like it's just hard. It's just really fucking hard and scary. But now I'm like okay, we're setting ourself up now. We've hired a nanny and I you know- am figuring out this new life now.
Alex Cantone:
55:49
Yeah, yeah, and I've gotten into designing homes and I found another creative outlet for myself and I'm finding ways to take care of myself again and really finding my not I wouldn't say my way back to me again, but finding out who I am in this season, in this phase of life, and really tending to that person. And I don't even remember how this started or what the question was or if there was a question or what you had even previously said.
Alex Cantone:
56:18
But on the topic of, I guess, children, human design, what's important, what I found to be really valuable, is really understanding myself and honoring myself and honoring my energy, and you don't really have to know human design to know that it's very helpful. But it's like, okay, having the awareness in the back of my head that, hmm, I'm a projector and I've heard a few times that this might mean I'm less motorized and less energized than other people, and I always described it as like-.
Vaness Henry:
56:50
What does that mean for me?
Alex Cantone:
56:51
Right Like the generator I've always described as. Wakes up with like a full battery every single day. And being in relationship with a generator who talks about himself and has this crazy awareness of himself, he is like all I need to do is just like lay on the pillow for a second and close my eyes and snap, and then I'm recharged and I'm like you're psychotic.
Alex Cantone:
57:12
You're psychotic. That's insane. I need a three hour nap and I wake up groggy and I need three hours to reset and then I need three hours to wind down for bed again, like we do. We are not the same person not the same creature.
Vaness Henry:
57:24
Yeah, yeah.
Alex Cantone:
57:25
He was like snow blowing. We have a, we live on a two mile, we live at the top, on the top of a mountain, like. I cannot stress this enough. It is like the top of a mountain, two mile dirt road to get here and he was snowblowing the entire road, inch by inch. It was not like a motorized snowblower, it was like a manual. I don't know how the fuck he was doing it and he's like that was so satisfying, inch by inch, so satisfying Like layers.
Vaness Henry:
57:55
Also just thinking about it.
Alex Cantone:
57:56
I'm like he's got, he's still bleeding, his hands are still bleeding. This was like four days ago and he's like there's just something about applying myself physically to something and like getting it done and doing it that just feels I get this like rush at the end, like if I don't, if I don't really, you know, push myself that day. And it could be mentally, it could be physically, but this is just an example of physical and I think it's like a generator's job to find their own kind of relationship with what that means right To empty their tank at the end of each day. But then if he does that successfully, he's just like a sweet little baby. At the end of the night he's like, okay, I'm ready for bed and I'm like man, but then he just has it in him.
Alex Cantone:
58:42
So I think my point is like seeing these people around me, who I am in direct relationship with, who I'm spending all of my time with every single day, just be themselves and be themselves so deeply and clearly, I'm like, oh, that's my only job here. My only job here is just to honor my ebbs and flows and my waves and ask for help when I need it, because the reality is I'm, not my husband pushing a snowblower up a road. I don't have that thing in me that he has. And whether human design can explain that or we're just looking at differences between two humans, it doesn't really matter. It's just more about what are my limits as a human being, and that's, I think, what is so important as a parent, because the first year of parenting will push your limits beyond anything that you ever could have possibly imagined, starting with actual childbirth, right. So it's such a challenge, but it's such a blessing, because it you have no other choice but to find that alignment within yourself. At least that's my experience of it.
Alex Cantone:
59:57
Maybe a lot of people can really like lose themselves and go and take it to. You know, their life can go to various extremes because they're not in that study within themselves and it's not getting them closer to themselves. But it's like I have no other choice, like Chris and I say it all the time like we have no other choice but to take care of ourselves, but to honor ourselves. You can't always put yourself first. When you're a parent, you'll learn that. That's one of the first things you'll learn. Right Is like oh, all these rituals and things that I was doing to take care of myself were like so extravagant when I really don't actually probably need that much. Like there's different ways I can get my fix in and take care of myself, but I have, like, no other choice but to only do what I can with the energy that is available to me on a moment by moment basis.
Vaness Henry:
1:00:48
So thank goodness, I did all that luxurious experimenting in my first life, so that I now can pick and choose the parts that really resonate with me, right? Something I heard you say was like I don't have to know human design you know, and in hearing you say that I felt myself go, but I like to know human design.
Vaness Henry:
1:01:06
Absolutely, because listen to Alex, so self-aware. Look at the spaciousness she has in her relationships, the permission she has in her relationships by just observing her husband, not forcing or contorting him into being something he's not. She has this programming now where she can see him and understand what he's experiencing in a way where she can be a better partner. She can be a better parent, like look at your awareness, al, and something that I can't really let slip away, my friend, I think you may have. There's something you might have missed and I want to just share it to you. Taking off my glasses, I'm learning it is very significant who I choose to surround myself with, and I had just shared with you before we got onto this call. I was thinking about you a lot recently because you're one of my very important people and I've learned that sometimes, who I have around me, I don't always like the reflections that they show me, and so I have to really consider that. And you were telling this story of this beautiful moment where your husband is filming and watching you with your child and you're looking at your child's human design, and there was a little bit of self-judgment there that I just want to acknowledge. I think what you missed is how extremely beautiful that moment is, because your husband is admiring you exactly for what you're doing, for how brilliant you are, how you've just gone through this intense thing and you are already have the awareness to go. Let me understand my baby. Wow, like God says the mother I created a child with, even in these moments of I've chills on my body, of this extreme trauma and vulnerability, her consciousness is going. Let me understand and let me look at his design, because that's safe to you, because that's where you came from, and so for you to almost get back in your body and regulate with that channel of structuring genius to freak. Let me understand. Let me understand this new experience. And I've only looked at my baby's chart once. But I know he's cold thirst, I know he's caves, like you know. You're saying that to me. You've already got that. You already know I, when I'm looking at my baby, there might be challenges with breastfeeding because he's cold thirst. I'm cold thirst. I have a lot of knowledge there. Oh, my husband is caves and I've observed all these tendencies in him that will now possibly come alive in my child. Can I see the cave in my child? Does this come out of him, does the cold thirst come out of him.
Vaness Henry:
1:03:37
You're so aware and yet it was like you're judging yourself a little bit for your awareness when, when you were telling that story, I was seeing the husband totally in love with his brilliant, powerful wife who just gave birth and was already in her parent mode, going to her safe place to understand the trauma she had just been through. Like I felt like you were judging yourself. But I was like girl you, this is the most beautiful moment. Like, look how intelligent you are, look how aware you are, like there's a genius unfolding here. I couldn't let that slide by. Thank you.
Alex Cantone:
1:04:08
Thank you. That's important to hear. When I, when Chris found the video like I mean maybe a couple of months ago and we were watching it I was like cringing. And he's like stop, I like it. I like it, you're just being you and I was like you're brilliant, Al yeah, he was like you're just being you, You're just doing. You were just doing what you were in survival Totally, Totally yeah.
Vaness Henry:
1:04:31
Yeah.
Alex Cantone:
1:04:31
Yeah, so thank you for reminding me of that, because I can totally be like oh gosh, I should have been in the moment being so sweet. It's like I was in my own moment that I needed to be in. Yes, yes, yes.
Vaness Henry:
1:04:44
I feel that a lot too. I look back on things like why wasn't I, especially in the delivery room, actually, you. A lot too, I look back on things like God, why wasn't I especially in the delivery room, actually, you know, like, why wasn't I more there, wasn't I? Girl? You were literally hang on for dear life. Try not to die, you need to. Just, you know, like and same with you, you had this emergency C-section.
Vaness Henry:
1:04:59
I was in heart failure, like, can we just lighten up? And Al, I got to tell you though I'm exiting that first kind of life phase with my son, and I'm so sentimental. I was not expecting this. I kind of really thought I was like a tough guy. Not the case, I'm a fucking baby and I tell everybody you will listen I'm a baby, I'm a baby, I'm a baby. Like, treat me like I'm a baby, cause I am. I need that. He gets a little bit of hair on his legs. He's growing up. I'm sobbing, falling. I'm like you're sharing my sandals with me and you're sharing my sweaters, my gosh, like you have this little achievement on your report card. I'm bawling Like it's every. Everything. Witnessing of him becoming a fully developed human is fucking so sad. It's so beautiful, but it's, it's. It's so sentimental. I was not expecting to be that way. Literally anything my child does, or anybody I love, for that that matter, can make me weep. Yeah, it's profound to me, the sensitivity of the human experience.
Alex Cantone:
1:06:03
It's, it's unreal. I I've always been so sensitive, so it doesn't surprise me that I've become even more sensitive and more emotional, because it's just like I have been sobbing since I mean the beginning of my time here, but I get so emotional at the idea of aging Girl. The speed is so fast it's crazy, crazy.
Vaness Henry:
1:06:30
We had this conversation once where you were like I have my whole world.
Alex Cantone:
1:06:34
I remember being yeah, I didn't have a kid yet.
Vaness Henry:
1:06:36
I didn't have a kid yet and it was just like the passage of time and and never being able to hold him in my arms and rock him again makes me realize I'm crying.
Alex Cantone:
1:06:46
I'm literally you're saying I'm I'm crying.
Vaness Henry:
1:06:48
I'm literally you're saying I'm I'm crying, thinking about it, cause it makes me realize it makes me realize it feels so long when you're in the moments and like it will never end, and then all of a sudden you blink one day and you're like he doesn't need that anymore, he doesn't need that, he doesn't need me. Gosh, I hope I did my best, you know, and it's just like and and like he he's been doing like plays and stuff and like putting himself out there and he gets a lot out of like the performance which I'm like. Oh my God, I see myself in him. That is wild to see. That kind of come alive Cause. Derek is so not like that. He's like bye, I'll hide.
Vaness Henry:
1:07:23
And Hawks is like oh, put on a show and entertain you and I'm like, oh my God, there I am. I didn't think I would come alive in someone else like that, you know. And then to see the pride he feels from his choices and his experiences, or to watch him be soft Like he's known for being like the soft one when his kids, when the kids in his class, have a hard time, they go to him, and I'm like, oh my God, hoxley, like that's, that's amazing. And then you just like, cause you don't know how you're doing. And then all of a sudden they're an adult and they're like here's all the ways you fuck me up. And it's like, gosh, I'm so sorry.
Vaness Henry:
1:07:51
Like you know, and you know, you know that kind of is coming, because you're kind of that way to your own parents and it's like and then it's over, and then it's over, and then they have their life and they, I feel the same exact way. I'm like oh my gosh.
Alex Cantone:
1:08:11
Like I'm. Last night so Hartley had like the best night's sleep he's ever had, which is like he isn't would what we would classify as not a good sleeper, I guess, and he did a stretch from 8 PM to 4 AM. That's like the best stretch that he's ever done. And so I'm laying there awake like waiting for him to wake up, right Cause I'm like okay, like when's he going to get up? And I'm going to get him and he, I was so sad. I'm this thing. I'm like I just want him to sleep. I want him to sleep.
Alex Cantone:
1:08:44
I want him to sleep and then all of a sudden he sleeps and I'm letting I go in to get him and I'm holding him and I'm in the rocking chair and I'm feeding him his bottle and I'm petting his head and I'm feeling how big he is in my arms and he's 10 months, but he's. It's like, oh my gosh. I'm just looking at him like I'm just going by.
Alex Cantone:
1:09:04
You're just going to grow, you're just going to keep growing and you're not going to fit in my arms, nor will you want to be in my arms your whole entire life. And it's just this like, oh gosh, it's such a beautiful thing to be able to have this experience, yet it is so painful. It is so painful, I know it's so fucked.
Vaness Henry:
1:09:26
It's like the most beautiful thing and it's also like the most devastating. It's like falling in love.
Alex Cantone:
1:09:32
I was just going to say that because it's like the same thing as being in love Someone's going to die, you will be separated.
Vaness Henry:
1:09:38
Yeah, and you'll have to contend with that, which is, by the way, like the six lines we were talking about in the beginning of the conversation. There is this threading of love. Pamela Anderson, you can in her documentary you can hear she hasn't gotten over Tommy Lee. She never really fell in love again. Kylie Jenner you see her going through that young the love, trying to find it. Jennifer Lopez the whole thing is about the love story. Like that is such a big, that's such a huge piece, and when the six line doesn't connect with that, there is this, the energy of Pamela Anderson, which she's all. There's always this. So it is this weirdly important thing Like that's who I, tommy Lee, is, who I had my babies with and that's the father of my children and he always will be, and you know what I mean. The soulmate connection. It's like that's real.
Alex Cantone:
1:10:22
The soulmate connection is so real and I'm always just like shit. I mean, if something happened to me, like Chris would just get right back on the horse and find someone else Like he's so like adaptable, and I'm like if I lost him I would be in crumbles. We were like joking yesterday. He's like would you? I don't know, we just were doing some stupid. And he's like would you kill me? Oh, he, we were.
Alex Cantone:
1:10:46
We had already gone down the mountain, had already gone down the Canyon, which takes like 20 minutes to even get to civilization. And he's like I don't have my wallet. I don't have my wallet and I need my wallet. And I was just like I'm going to kill you. And he's like but will you actually kill me if my wallet isn't with me? And I was like no, I couldn't kill you, because I can't live without you, because I can't possibly go on with life without you.
Alex Cantone:
1:11:11
And we were just kind of going on and on and it's just like. It's so true though I'm like I, you, somehow this person has come into my life. They have changed everything. You drive me crazy, and yet I adore you. And it's like I and I could never, I can't, fathom anything happening to you. I cannot fathom anything happening to my baby, because I have now formed such a deep, intense attachment to these moments. It's heartbreaking because it's the most loving, overwhelming feeling of love, overwhelming feeling of joy, overwhelming feeling of belonging and connectedness. Yet it is just when I'm deep in that I can't help but feel this feeling in the back of my mind. That's just like this grief, it's like preliminary grief for what is inevitably going to happen later on in my life, and I've to like figure out how to eliminate it or get rid of it and I'm like you can't because you need to.
Alex Cantone:
1:12:14
In order to feel that love and be able to go there, you need to be comfortable with the opposite end of the spectrum.
Vaness Henry:
1:12:21
You have to hold the complexity of it Absolutely. You have to hold the two emotions.
Alex Cantone:
1:12:26
Totally, that's like been the coolest and most heartbreaking part of parenting and being in love and doing this life and settling on the roof and being like this is my unit, this is my family, these are my soulmates, these are my people, because it's like that oh, I've really settled. I've really settled into this life.
Vaness Henry:
1:12:48
And this is, this is my family. Now it feels more family than like my parents and siblings felt to me. Like I'm more comfortable over here now.
Alex Cantone:
1:12:57
Absolutely yeah, and it's just like. It's just so beautiful and it's so hard, but it's so amazing and it's so challenging and it's just the grief, the love, the everything. But it's so important because if I didn't let myself go there, I wouldn't let myself lean into that surrendered love that I now am in, that I had never experienced prior to.
Vaness Henry:
1:13:23
I feel I have a little bit of PTSD around that, if I'm being totally honest with you, because I feel I have already lived through and witnessed the breakdown of love between husband and wife when one passes away or I should say love partnerships, not husband and wife, but that's what I witnessed and I watched the grief of my mom and I ingested a lot of it and I do wonder if that contributed to my cancer and I feel like there was this impending doom, sometimes like that's my potential story you know, and whole gosh you're getting closer to 40, you know, and there there is that, there and I, I can, you were only afraid.
Vaness Henry:
1:14:01
Our biggest fears are what we've already experienced, you know, and it's just like uh, uh, uh. So final kind of question I have for you and of all the things that you have learned and studied now, with awareness studies and human design specifically, now you went on the roof what parts do you feel were the most valuable that you learned, that you've taken with you?
Alex Cantone:
1:14:24
I mean, I would just say how to take care of myself as an individual without looking at. You know, I like to sample what's around me and look at what other people are doing and go, oh, that's a fun ritual and that's something that's a fun thing. But I always just come back to the things that really work for me.
Vaness Henry:
1:14:45
And what are they?
Alex Cantone:
1:14:46
Oh, being in water, taking baths, I mean it's like knowing, like, okay, I'm a Pisces rising Pisces moon and I'm this projector and I'm shores and there's all of this like these water elements around me and a cancer son, so I'm a triple water sign and then I have a water shores, environment, right. So it's like there's just the confirmation that it's like you love baths and it's like in your DNA. To need to regulate in the water and to use the water as a self-regulation tool has just allowed me to prioritize it more Totally, rather than being like I'll just take a bath for fun. It's like no, my bath is my place, I have for fun. It's like no, my bath is my place. I have the.
Alex Cantone:
1:15:33
I get the same bath salts delivered to me on auto renew every single month. They're like these mineral, very special salts. I have my bath oil. I have my different tools. I have my things. Like I have to find everywhere I move. There must be a bathtub. That is a non-negotiable. I like to vacation on the water, right. There's all of these elements, these little things that I've learned that are so important. Being thirst I didn't even think of that too.
Alex Cantone:
1:15:58
Thirst water, I mean it's like hydrating, like staying hydrated, this simplest little you know everyone's into, like the cold plunge, and then you do the hot and the cold and the hot and the cold I'm like too much for my body. I can't like.
Alex Cantone:
1:16:12
I can't do that I can't just regulate my temperature like that. So, yeah, just knowing those little things like that. There's this theme of water. It wouldn't say it's like a certain chart quality, but like that, due to all of my chart qualities, there's this theme of water in my life. That's super important. It allows me to prioritize my health and my self-care in a new way and not have to be so like trial and error about it, cause I'm just like this is my go-to, this is what I can do. If I need to regulate, this is where I can go. If I need to, if I need peace, this is where I can go. If I need to reset, this is where I can go. And I think that's just so important because it's like the coming back to yourself. Coming back to yourself, coming back to yourself, because there's so much out there that we're always taking in, always taking in. No matter where we are, what we're doing, we're always taking it in, we're always getting conditioned.
Vaness Henry:
1:17:01
So to have that awareness of, oh, this will reset me is like invaluable this will reset me is like invaluable Awareness is a filter to apply on your experience. You know, because there is so much noise out there, so much advice and it's actually all really good advice it just doesn't all apply to us Absolutely. Some of us are more sensitive in this way or that way, and then we try this advice but it's not intended for us and so we don't have the same type of shifts that we want. So how do we apply the filter to perceive reality in a way that allows us to see what works best for us?
Alex Cantone:
1:17:38
What's yours? What would be your answer to that question?
Vaness Henry:
1:17:41
Learning I was a manifester was pretty impactful for me because of the deep-seated anger I wasn't necessarily conscious of and it was really running my life. But an equal impactful thing was learning I was ego authority. And how might I be able to reconnect to my voice? Like you, I don't have a lot of. I'm very open. I have actually quite a bit of power, but it emits strategically. Yeah, so can I work with my own energy? Uh, and I? I hearing you give your answer.
Vaness Henry:
1:18:18
I quite like it, I think, just my understanding how to take care of myself so I can be the best parent, so I can be the best partner, so I can be the best friend. You know, I, I, I get a lot out of being able to show up for my people and in this weird contorted way, I can show up the best when I make it about me and taking care of me and what I have the capacity for, when I just own that. It allows me to then shake it off and not be egotistical and then come and hold space for the other, and if I'm not doing that, my heart gets. I can be very discouraged and very deflated when I lose that power. And so actually another thing that has been so impactful has been figuring out boundaries. As a shores person and as an Aries moon to boundaries, I love when I hear like can't spell boundaries without Aries.
Vaness Henry:
1:19:13
I love that because I love that because it that and as a Libra sun, I I can get lost in the other and overgive, and I need to always kind of return to myself and take care of myself. Which is that incredible parent teaching If you want to take care of your kid, you can't do that. If there's something going on with you, you must learn how to take care of yourself. That really is the journey of parenting. Have you figured out how to take care of yourself now? Because you got to take care of someone else and if you're not taking care of yourself, you fail that other job and you can't take care of your kid.
Vaness Henry:
1:19:43
And for me that's like Ooh, that's bad, you know. So we don't want to fail. Heaven forbid, I should fucking fail, oh my God, yeah, and like is that even a thing? I don't know, but I know, but yeah.
Alex Cantone:
1:19:55
Well, I then I have to give honorable mention to the invitation, obviously as a projector because you say being a manifester, and I was like, oh gosh, I totally forgot about that whole invitation thing. I think it's funny because it does feel like human design has become so integrated that I probably don't give it, give the knowledge that I have enough credit because I don't study it in the way that I was just thinking the other day, if I had to teach the basics, I don't know that I could because of how I would miss things.
Vaness Henry:
1:20:32
Now, because I'm so it's so integrated and embodied, after this big conditioning process and so much of my work became this, this focus on a particular area and depth, because I have a greater calling around health and illness, and so I went right into that one area so that I can feel that I'm developing a mastery there, because I don't have to reference anymore, I can cue it up and I know it in my head in this certain way. But with the simpler parts of it, it's not that I'm forgetting them, but they're so integrated Now I would miss things if I was trying to explain it. Do you know what I'm?
Alex Cantone:
1:21:06
saying Totally Okay, yeah's happened so many times in our conversation that we just had. And when Chris and I are just moving around the world, it's like the only time I am able to see the human design being lived by me is when it's recognized in me, which is so funny. It's like okay, well, there you are, you're being recognized. You're being recognized, you're a projector.
Alex Cantone:
1:21:31
Because yesterday I think it was yesterday, it was yesterday we went to the big flip that we're doing right now and we went with Chris's mentor who really helped him get into flipping in Colorado, and the only reason why we really couldn't even do this is because of her. And the only reason why we really can even do this is because of her. And she came in and she's been doing it for years and years and years and she does like four or five at a time, which is like wow, that's a lot to manage. And she came in and saw my designs and she was like wait, I'm going to hire you. Can I hire you to design my homes? And Chris is like looking, and he's looking at her and looking at me, and he's like what is happening with her?
Alex Cantone:
1:22:15
And he we came home and he's like okay, so that's all, that's so cool, Thank you. Thank you, yeah, it's really cool. So he's like I don't I don't usually buy the human design stuff, but this invitation thing is like crazy with you. He's like, ever since you've been initiated by me and invited into the real estate realm, he's like you are becoming the breadwinner of our family through invitation. Like you didn't ask for this, you never necessarily consciously wanted to do this thing, but I gave you the invitation to design the first flip that he bought. And now he's like you're being recognized by like these major real estate people in Colorado and everyone wants to work with you and everyone's like doing this and I was just like yeah and everyone wants to work with you and everyone's like doing this, and I was just like, yeah, I'm like this is just, it's just so weird.
Alex Cantone:
1:23:12
I think this is. I mean, you might disagree with this, but I would say that for me, this is like the first time that I feel like I'm really like not trying and really sitting back and really really just letting it happen, cause I don't even have the energy to like try to make anything happen right now, totally.
Vaness Henry:
1:23:30
Right, so I was getting invitations.
Alex Cantone:
1:23:32
You have a baby Totally and getting the invitations can be energizing right when they're aligned, so energizing, and it's like been really really so healing for me. I don't know if healing is the right word. It's been this like really amazing creative outlet for me that has gotten me through the first year of being a parent and that has also gotten me through the first half of pregnancy. I mean, it's like super hard first trimester pregnancy with a baby and we got a house like right around that time and I just time I would feel so sick, but if I had this thing to do I could channel all of the creative energy into that. That's just been really cool to watch because it actually is so healthy for me to get lost in the project and do the design.
Alex Cantone:
1:24:24
I remember having similar feelings when I would create content for Instagram is like I could really just go into this space and I would be like waking up in the wee hours of the morning creating these ebooks and guides and all of these things. And I'm doing that in the same way in this design process and thank you to my people around me who are like, hey, you're in your little projector element over here and I'm like I didn't even notice, I was just saying yes. He's like yeah, exactly. So here I have Chris, who doesn't even study human design, pointing out the human design that he sees in me and that's very affirming, because he's like this invitation shit is real. And it's freaking me out now because you're really like things are accelerating quicker than I think. You even realize they're accelerating and I was like, yeah, I wasn't even thinking about it, like I truly wasn't even thinking about it. It was just happening and I was just excited.
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