No. 11 - The Emotional Experience with Aycee Brown

Come hang with me and my friend Ace, a powerful psychic and Emotional Projector, as she pulls me into the depths of the Emotional Experience. Aycee Brown is a 3/5 Martyr Heretic, my favourite character to watch on the Playing Field of Life. She is FULL of fifth tones and colours deep in her design, giving her an interesting experience with the projection field.

As I plug in to her Valley, she tells me of the lack of emotional support she's experiencing in her life and how learning to stand on her own hurts sometimes. Ace landed a big book deal, and like the beautiful 3/5 she is, she's been tasked with writing her latest book while navigating challenging life experiences.

We discuss how some of the challenging experiences in childhood shape our spirit into the characters we become. Aycee shares how she possesses the ability to hold you through the fire — when the time comes to move through the fire. I can't help but think differently about the 3rd degree burns and skin grafting she experienced at four years old; how being left alone for months in a hospital where all kinds of spirits roam would be scary for anyone, let alone a little girl.

And yet here she is, now grown, a resilient woman, psychic, author and entrepreneur.

We discuss finding emotional security in life, and how to ground into the body when the feelings become too much to hold. Aycee shares a vulnerable and powerful look into the Emotional Solar Plexus, and I do my best to hold space for my friend, affirming her where she needs it along the way.

Aycee supports budding psychics and those who need help identifying which of their psychic gifts are dominant, sub-dominant, and dormant within. She specializes in Human Design, Astrology, and Numerology, but also uses a plethora of awareness tools depending on what’s called for.

Find Aycee’s work at:
ayceebrown.com
@ayceebrown
Is My Aura On Straight?
Magical Mutha F’n Mondays
Spiritual Erotica album

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Vaness Henry: 0:03

It's Vaness Henry, you're listening to insights, my private podcast exclusively for community members like you. Here's my latest insight: I've invited my friend, Ms Aycee Brown, the the psychic Aycee Brown, who is a three five emotional projector who has a bunch of fifth colors that I find really fascinating. Aycee is valleys, she's also probability view and she's also guilt motivation and she has some fifth tones. So the projection field experience for this three five is going to be quite interesting to hear about. Aycee Brown, welcome to the show.

Aycee Brown:0:54

Hello everyone. How are you?

Vaness Henry:0:57

I'm good. Aycee and I have a friendship. We've done a podcast together, we've experimented together, we had the each other show. We messed around on Spacious and did some cool things, which was an app we had, and AC is working on a book right now. She is a spiritual teacher, she is experienced with numerous modalities and is constantly helping practitioners develop their own psychic strategies, and AC has been putting all this information into a book and she's been working on it for a little while now. So, ac, where are you at with this? Tell us about the book writing process for an emotional projector.

Aycee Brown:1:34

It has been a very long road. What's going on? What's the process? Well, so my book is part memoir, part spiritual teaching. So having to go back to different points in my life, even stuff recently, that happens while I started writing the book and it was it's just been. You know, one of the things I'll probably talk about, what they don't tell you about writing a book is that sometimes it feels like your you know, one of the things I'll probably talk about, what they don't tell you about writing a book is that sometimes it feels like your life is kind of falling apart as you're writing it, touching on certain things. I only have two more chapters to write, which you're there, then yeah yeah, and then we start the editing process.

Aycee Brown:2:20

So it's just been a long road. It's been a very emotional road, a very healing road, a very cracked, wide, open road. I pray that the next book that comes that I have more support in writing it. Or like in your life, no, in my life, in my personal life, okay, more so I have the writing support. Yeah, I have two editors. Like, I have the writing support, but more in my personal life.

Vaness Henry:2:55

So is it fair to say emotional support yes.

Aycee Brown:2:58

Yes.

Vaness Henry:2:59

What the fuck is this? What is this and what is this following you? You're the emotional projector, you're having this emotional experience and then every time we chat, when we cyclically have our little connection points, I'm like hey girl, how's it going? This comes up, yeah, the emotional foundation around you. What are you learning about this? Like, this is significant for everybody, but you have to make almost like I don't want to say boundaries, but you have limits on. Well, actually, you have all these fifth colors. So how much of something until you're full? When you're empty, how much of this support do I need? No, I'm good. The measurements of things, the quantities and volumes of things in your life is kind of always shifting depending how you're feeling. So what's the bigger story here? What's the bigger?

Aycee Brown:3:42

emotional story here. I would say this and I'm going to you know start crying.

Vaness Henry:3:46

Yes, this is probably the first time.

Aycee Brown:3:48

Let's go.

Vaness Henry:3:49

Like, yeah, therapy, let's do it. Yeah, get those septic waters out of your body.

Aycee Brown:3:53

Let's go. This is, and I'm an only child, so that is my life, right, but writing this book and the things that happened alongside writing this book this is the first time in my life where I felt lonely.

Vaness Henry:4:13

Okay, and you moved within the last few years, so perhaps the foundation in the new environment. How much does that come into play for you?

Aycee Brown:4:19

It comes into play. I love my place. My place is so comforting, I love my neighborhood Okay, good, play my. I love my place, my place is so comforting, I love my neighborhood okay, good. So I love that aspect of it. I am very aware, you know, when I came here I said I knew that I was here to write the book, but I also was very open to building a life here yeah and that has changed.

Aycee Brown:4:40

I don't believe that this place here where I live doesn't, it doesn't offer me what I'm looking for for a life, and I'm not gonna lie, the emotional experiences, the relationships that especially romantically, that have happened here, that fell apart and, you know, kind of inflicted more trauma on me. I just don't know if this is the place for me. I've signed another year lease, so you know, I'm sure that hopefully, you know, I can travel to other places and see things within the next year, but I really, really love my apartment so I might keep my apartment if I'm, you know, able to keep my apartment and you can plug into other places, right, cause you could come to Atlanta, plug in, go to another home, plug in.

Vaness Henry:5:34

Okay.

Vaness Henry:5:35

I love your perspective on this, then? Because I I'm really of the mind that sometimes I have to be in certain places for certain experiences or events, but they're not necessarily the long-term thing. Um, I have to be in certain places for certain experiences or events, but they're not necessarily the long-term thing. Um, I have another friend who recently just moved somewhere and now that they are living there, there's all these tumultuous things going on and they're like I don't think this is the place. And yet it was like well, actually, maybe you needed to be there for your kid. You got pregnant here. Maybe this was the place you needed to get. That needed to happen. Now it's happened. Yeah, you know what I mean. Yes, yes, what do you think about?

Aycee Brown:6:07

all this. No, I agree this was the place that I needed to write the book, heal some things. Write the book, yeah, to tap back into, like my lineage, to heal some things in my ancestral, like family line, to heal some things or try to heal some things with my mom. It had a purpose. I thought that things were coming together last year. I thought that I had love. I was like, oh, wow, this is really like. I was in a space last year of really like, wow, I'm getting the things that I want. This is really great.

Aycee Brown:6:41

And then it wasn't and then that really did a number on me. It really inflicted a lot of a lot of trauma I'm here get it out just what traumas happened. Um well, I don't want to go into detail.

Vaness Henry:7:02

No details give us, Give us the you're an indirect light. Give us the indirect details and we'll buy the book.

Aycee Brown:7:09

Just the way people you know how things ended and how people treated me was, was, very, was, very hard.

Vaness Henry:7:21

Do you feel disrespected? What was like? What was the? The? What were you left with from that was emotion that you're left with.

Aycee Brown:7:28

Um disrespected, um thrown away. Ooh, just not kind.

Vaness Henry:7:40

So you felt discarded. Yeah, and then therefore not valued yeah, broken heart, mm. Discarded, yeah, and then therefore not valued, yeah, broken heart, yeah. So how did you console and soothe yourself through that? Obviously there's still some emotions there, but it's, it's in your past and you're moving through the motions to release that experience. How do you do that, as the emotional being other than writing a book, I mean right?

Aycee Brown:8:03

Other than writing a book we don't have that, we don't have that opportunity, right so?

Vaness Henry:8:07

what is? What is the practical things, then? Ac in your everyday life. You know you've moved to this new place. You fell in love. You felt discarded. You were trying to put your creativity in this awesome book. That's a big moment for you. And then, while this is going on, you're grappling and navigating these feelings of being discarded and not valued. How do you pick yourself up and keep going through that? As the resilient three five, you just do?

Aycee Brown:8:32

I can't explain it that.

Vaness Henry:8:35

But AC, you're saying you do and then you're also telling me you don't have an emotional support.

Aycee Brown:8:41

Right, I mean, I'm my emotional support.

Vaness Henry:8:43

Stand up then.

Aycee Brown:8:44

Right, right. I, I've been doing, I've been doing that my whole life, standing up for myself, then you're tired of that and um. So the idea is that if I'm to have someone stand up with me, yeah I'm in relationship and I'm in partnership yeah, so I've been doing it my whole life by myself standing up for myself, emotionally supporting myself. I'm tired.

Vaness Henry:9:12

Yeah, how are you, how are you taking care of yourself through this? Then? What are your values Working out? Okay, so that's how you're grounding yourself.

Aycee Brown:9:24

Yeah, I'm a member of a co-working space. Love that for you. That has helped me so much. I'm so thankful for my co-working family here. Just because I have it's like literally like right near my house, I can walk, Love To it and it's just. Yeah, it's. It is such a valleys place.

Vaness Henry:9:47

I always think of the coworking site as more of a kitchen. But yeah, in recent years, especially with with what you've shared with me about it, it does seem like such a spot for valleys because of I can plug in when I want to, I can unplug, but I can become a regular. People know my name, I there's people I can, I know will be there.

Aycee Brown:10:07

It's that kind of familiarity.

Vaness Henry:10:09

They have kitchen moments here, for sure you can get every environment every space, you know, but when I see how valuable it is for the value, the repetition, for the value person. I want to get some of your psychic perspective on a couple of things then, because a lot of your tools and modalities that you like human design, astrology, numerology something that you were kind of tooting about to me constantly was that you were in your 11, two year as this auspicious that was the worst fucking yet last year was.

Vaness Henry:10:38

Well, you were telling me like this is an auspicious year. It's like a master number. Right, 11 is a master number, and now I was just wishing you a happy birthday. So I know we're in another year. What do you so you had this expectation of the year and then you had the year. Where's the dissonance?

Aycee Brown:10:55

You, I have no idea, because I thought I really Well.

Vaness Henry:11:01

first, what is the 11-2 year? I guess year, I guess what. What does that mean for somebody who doesn't know?

Aycee Brown:11:05

the 11-2 year is a year. It can be a fame year, some people call it. It's a very spiritual enlightenment year that I did get. I just didn't know it was going to be um so difficult. But a friend who had their 11-2 year, I was like why didn't you tell you? Tell me she was like oh yeah, I meant to tell you. It's like it looks like everything's going great from the outside, but it's a dumpster fire behind the scenes. I was like why didn't you tell me? She was like, I mean, you know, you got to figure it out, yeah, and I was just like what? And she was like, but you know, the three year which I'm in now, she said it's going to be so much better. And I was just like, ok, like I fucking believe you. Now you know what I mean, right? So the 11, two years, just you know, just a really heightened year. And it was really heightened, it was really emotional, it opened up a lot of it opened something up.

Vaness Henry:12:09

It's funny to me and it's not funny, but there's an irony in it, because I actually think when we zoom ahead on your timeline and we look back at this year, it will have been a pivotal year. When you look big picture, it's like that's the year I was writing my book. Oh, everything changed for me there. That's when I was getting into my fitness. Do you know what I mean?

Vaness Henry:12:29

But then when you, you know when you're in those times and it's like holy cow, I'm really in it. And then, as you're living life and you move kind of beyond that experience and you look back on it, it's a different. Something different happens, the transmutation happens, and I'm bringing this up because you're so psychic, because your inner vision, I noticed this so much. With inner vision, people, the shift, the timelines Okay, and they can, like, elevate their consciousness and see into timelines in the future, timelines in the past, and I tend to translate this with a lot of emphasis on, like looking ahead, you know, but I do notice, like, depending on the design, the activations, these are people who can have the experience and then look back and they see it differently.

Vaness Henry:13:11

You, know, yeah, do you have experiences like that?

Aycee Brown:13:14

Oh yeah, all the time. I mean, even though it was such a hard year, I can look back and be very introspective, very just, look at the different things, take responsibility for my stuff, look at other people's things, all of that stuff. So it wasn't. It wasn't bad, I think, for me with the things that have happened to me last year and more recently this year. And my cousin said this to me the other day. We were on the phone this was saturday. She said to me I'm just you know, she was just like I'm so proud of you that you're writing this book and we're all so proud of you that you're writing this book.

Vaness Henry:14:02

You've wanted this for a long time.

Aycee Brown:14:04

Yeah.

Vaness Henry:14:04

You're. You threw yourself into the process. You had these things going on around you that were very ready to distract you from it, and they didn't. You had moments, for sure, but they didn't slow me down.

Aycee Brown:14:15

But yeah, and she was just saying that, you know I, you know you, you made it, you know someone AC yeah. Yeah, made it, you know. Um, so one ac, yeah, yeah, ace, yeah, you know you made it. With my life and the way I was grew up and, um, some of the things that have happened to me, she's like you made it. You didn't have you know, she was just like you.

Vaness Henry:14:37

Um, things could have been different, so I try and remember that yeah and hold on to that let's talk about, then, the totally open G center you have, because I feel like I see this a lot. Whenever I come across a totally open center, I view it as a mirror. It becomes this mirror to the environment and for you, with that G center mirror that right at the core of you, you know, reflecting the love there's, there could be stresses and anxieties there. I noticed we place a lot of emphasis on the head and root for that, but chest anxiety is is a very real thing. So much of the childhood experience is so shaping to undefined and totally open G's all of us, obviously. But that's where we get some of those fragments that build out the mosaic of the undefined and open G center and we can really identify with some of those kinds of things you know, with everything that you know about the G center. How do you feel this shows up in your life? Oh man, it shows up.

Aycee Brown:15:45

Purpose love, all of that. You know you're very focused on that.

Aycee Brown:15:50

Yeah, it's. Sometimes I feel just with everything that I've been through since I was a kid, I've had to utilize those things to get me out of the darkness. So I had to find a purpose. I had to figure that out. I had to, you know, figure out something greater than what I was shown, greater than what I was going through. So it had to be something else.

Aycee Brown:16:19

I had to be optimistic, I had to be hopeful for the future. I had to change my environment. I had to do a lot of mental work to imagine, to dream, to look at the possibilities, perspectives, all of that. And I had to, you know, travel and go to different places. I had to take chances and put myself in different environments so I could see, so I could feel, so I could understand. When it comes to relationships, especially romantically, that is important to me to have companionship, to have a partner, you know, to have a husband, to be more specific, and you know to, to, to embrace these things, because I know that there's something greater, you know, I know that the spiritual world has more weight than the material world, for sure, and I know I feel like I've been getting my soul right on the spiritual world for such a long time, with all of the lessons and the things that have happened, that I'm just ready for the material world to like get it shit together and, like you know, yeah, I'm, I'm.

Vaness Henry:17:35

I'm hit by something you said more weight in the spiritual world. That's coming from someone with a lot of fives. What do you mean by that with?

Aycee Brown:17:42

a lot of fives. What do you mean by that? I mean that at times, especially with what I do, we do get very caught up with the material world and I put this in my book and my grandmothers always say to me well, who are they on the spiritual world? Because they might be nothing. You might be giving them you know someone, someone too much power here in the earthly plane. You might be giving someone, yeah, too much power.

Aycee Brown:18:09

You might be looking at a situation a certain way based off the material world, but in the spiritual world, who are they? Because that's what's going to, that's what matters, because that's your soul, that's your character, that's your integrity, that is who you are when no one's watching, and that's what I have constantly, no matter my circumstances, no matter how people have treated me, even though how unkind it's been and how hurtful it's been, I've always maintained and done my best to make sure I'm good on the spiritual world, that I'm treating people a certain way, that I'm moving a certain way with how I am and how I be in the world, with my character, with my integrity, with my purpose.

Vaness Henry:18:56

So let's then let's rewind the timeline, because I want to know what were you shown then? You're this little girl. You're a little black girl in New York growing up, only child. You are in. Well, you've also said this on our show before too you are in a family where not everybody, there's colorism going on. Not everybody is the same shade of skin, shade of black, and you are noticing this. Treatment is different within the family. There's perhaps struggle between mom and dad, and you're just there taking this all in. You're there with other family members, there's cousins around. You're in this sort of activating environment. What is it you were shown that you interpreted Well, this is what my future is, this is what it means to be me, this is what it means to be in this family. What were you shown?

Aycee Brown:19:50

Well, I was shown that I was dark. You know that I was dark skinned, that I had, you know, kinky hair, that you know. And then I had this burn on my arm, so I had this.

Vaness Henry:20:02

AC, can you? What is? Let's talk about that.

Aycee Brown:20:17

What was that experience? Because that is a shaping experience. So you had this burn, but I went from first degree to third degree burns by the time I got to the hospital and I was in the hospital for around two months and I had to get a skin graft. So what you do see, the burn on my arm, is actually pieces of my butt, my butt cheek, because that's what they took the skin from. That's what they took the skin from. So just a painful experience. So funny, because when I got to the hospital, the nurses there had to scrub off my dead skin in the shower, like they had a big shower, and so I I can smell iodine soap from a mile away because, they had to use iodine soap and they had to scrub the skin off, so that was very traumatic.

Aycee Brown:21:05

I think that's very traumatic. Yeah, from my, from my uh therapist.

Vaness Henry:21:10

That's where my abandonment issues I guess ac, I guess ac because no one could stay.

Aycee Brown:21:16

My parents didn't stay with me, they couldn't stay with me, so I was left in the hospital alone. People would visit, you know, they would visit every day okay, let's bond.

Vaness Henry:21:25

Let's bond here, then, because I understand this intimately. I too lived on hospitals for months and this was my first exposure to quarantine. My blood counts were so low, I was so susceptible to things that there was like double doors to get into my room. It was a very high risk ward and people would come in and they'd have to wash in this room before they could enter into my room. And I remember sitting there thinking like so funny. You know, we both say that looking back, so funny, it's not funny at all, it's fucking horrible. But I remember thinking they were protecting themselves from coming to see me rather than they were putting on protection to protect me. But in my mind it was like look at all they have to do just to come in here and see me, and then they leave and I'm locked in this room again, this vanilla, bland colored room where nobody's here.

Vaness Henry:22:14

Like my parents couldn't stay there the whole time, you know they, they couldn't, they had to. Well, it was my mom and her husband. I'm not going to stay with her husband, I don't want him around. And she couldn't. And we were moving, and there's all these things going on, and, and, and yet you just are there alone. And I was not four years old, right, right, I was 16, where I could do some computing.

Vaness Henry:22:36

So, yeah, a little tiny four-year-old girl in a big, scary hospital full of spirits in America, in a big, scary hospital full of spirits in America. Yeah, that's a fucking shaping experience. You know, there's a nugget in the mosaic and so that's part of the origin story. Right, that's part of those first seven years, these things that went on. And then now you're an adult, you have I understand that, I understand all those experiences happen, and yet I still feel how I feel toward things Like that experience is baked into me. I can be aware that it flares up and has these triggers, and yet I'm still experiencing that. So what do you do for yourself to take care of yourself, knowing that you're going to have this abandonment wound? It's going to be triggered by things. How do you navigate reality with something like that?

Aycee Brown:23:29

I've learned, especially in the past year, that I've always known this sentiment no one's coming to save you because I knew that from a very, very young age I would say four.

Vaness Henry:23:42

I've always known that that's too little to learn. That Can we just have a moment of that that's far too little to learn, that that's unfortunate. You've known that as long as you've known that, even though it is a skill to learn, I don't know that a four year old should be learning it.

Aycee Brown:23:58

Right. So it's been mostly this past year, year and a half, I would even say two years of me figuring out how to build a life for myself and also not be jaded to still have my optimism. I would say that last year and some things that recently happened, I felt like my spirit had been broken for the first time.

Vaness Henry:24:30

Ooh, okay.

Aycee Brown:24:32

And that never happened.

Vaness Henry:24:36

I've had a broken spirit, Ace in a surprising time. Out of all the things, this is going to be what breaks my spirit. I remember thinking that, Right, right.

Aycee Brown:24:44

Yeah, like when the thing that happened last year which is in the book, yeah, like when the thing that happened last year which is in the book, that broke my spirit, like that first one, it was very I still get creeped out about it it's um, actually it's because it was.

Vaness Henry:25:01

Give us a detail, then. What creeped you out? The unkindness?

Aycee Brown:25:05

about it okay and just the like I said, like I was just discarded, like thrown away.

Vaness Henry:25:11

So it was disturbing to you to be treated that way.

Aycee Brown:25:13

It was very disturbing, yeah, yeah, it was very just because that's not the energy that I ever put out in the world.

Vaness Henry:25:21

So how could I have been met back with this? That's what I'm doing, yes, okay, yes, I think that was probably the most.

Aycee Brown:25:25

I think that was probably the most challenging part of it is like holy crap, I was treated like that, like I would not the whole, like yes, I would never do that to someone, but that's not even the energy I put out in the world, like I don't even come at people like that.

Vaness Henry:25:44

So let's talk about the projection field then, because you're a three five, it's not the same as having the five in the, in the consciousness. But what is the projection field then, from your perspective and how you experience it? It's the aura, the energy field. You know, how do you experience that?

Aycee Brown:26:01

I'm not going to lie. That situation made me question it, cause I'm like I was. I was really in total awe and it really put me in a dark space because, like I said, I've always been this person who has known make sure you're good on a spiritual world, make sure you're treating people right, make sure you're moving in integrity, make sure you're moving in the highest light you don't know what people are going through. All of this stuff like just being very protective of people's souls in general, to the point where I make sure that you know, I know the girls names at my local coffee shop where I go and I make sure they're good. You know I am.

Aycee Brown:26:45

They were having problems with like people coming in and harassing them because it was all girls that work there and I was just like, hey, see if your owner could get you guys some sage. Like I'm always making sure that people's spiritual fields are taken care of, that they're protected, and I'm always doing my part to do that. So it made me question well, shit, am I? Am I doing the right thing? Because to get combated with that energy that it was like it was, almost it was a mean spirit language.

Vaness Henry:27:30

So we can be people who are shadow workers, light workers, whatever you resonate with, and you're navigating the spiritual plane and you're doing intimate work and you are going to bump into people who have a demon. We all have demons, yes, and they have a demon and that demon is kind of running the show and you bump into them. That, of course, that's going to happen. It doesn't necessarily mean we've done anything wrong. Do you know what I'm saying? It doesn't mean we are out of alignment. But we can literally bump into people and they can have experiences that actually have nothing to do with us, but we get caught in the kind of cross you know of their, their, the way their energy emanates.

Vaness Henry:28:09

And I know I've been in situations where I'm not behaving. In a way I'm proud, young, angry, venomous and just needing to get it out and mistreating people, and I have a history of that. I'm not proud of that, especially like going to a bar, not given a fuck, like I could be, like whatever you know, especially when I was young. I'm never going to call you I'm, you know. Just, you could be in that state where you don't care. But then you get in these states where you have these relationships with people. You are bonding, it's feeling all good, and then something happens and this demon reveals itself and it takes over and that person pulls away or behaves differently. You know what I'm saying?

Vaness Henry:28:52

We all have these aspects of ourselves is like I don't think you did anything wrong there. I don't think that there's. I think it's natural to self-question and self-inquire and self-reflect, but at the end of the day, with all that we know and all that we can bump into and that you're designed to bump into, I do think there is some kind of self-soothing that has to happen there. I don't think that that person is a bad person. You know we bump into people and we crash. They have their own set of things they're working with and sometimes Right right, absolutely.

Vaness Henry:29:25

Sometimes our traumas don't braid with other people's traumas. You know it's like the hairs can't go together. And yet there's the attraction, we're drawn. But then, when we get down to it, do we need to have complimentary traumas? Even I don't know. But I know that when I was dating when this is going to be a little bit sick, but here we are I connected differently. I connected differently to people who had lost a parent and my very first boyfriend when I was dating him, his mom died and I wasn't ready to deal with that. My dad had died a couple of years before and I just it was a fucking mess. And then he ended up cheating on me and I still can't blame him for anything that happened in there. If anything, I feel like I could have probably done more to be there for him, based on what I know now, my boyfriend after him, his dad had passed away and he carried his dad had passed away like in the garage or something accidental. I very, very, very.

Aycee Brown:30:23

Oh, like in the car or something like. What Like I?

Vaness Henry:30:27

actually think like working on a boat in the garage or something it may be like exploded, I don't know.

Vaness Henry:30:32

It was very, yeah, something intense. And so then I started developing this track record where I was dating people and I wasn't aware of that until I got in relationship with them and then found out these traumas. So then all of a sudden I'm attracting this and I did have a. I did have a long-term boyfriend in college, had all his family, you know, had all his family but he had these religious traumas, major, major religious traumas, and that was conflicting with some of, like, my belief system and everything at that time.

Vaness Henry:31:03

And, um, I started to get a little bit self creeped out, like, why am I only date? Why are what? Why am I collecting relationships with this trauma? What does that say about me? Am I some sicko? And when I started dating Derek it's we talked about it together because Derek lost his mom, I lost my dad, we kind of lost the opposite parent and from his perspective he was like I knew you understood me at a level that other people didn't understand me. And so you kind of go to an immediate bond deeper and this is something I noticed among fellow cancer patients, I noticed this among fellow orphans. It's this natural understanding and not to the point where you're trauma bonding, but it's a oh, you've been through that too.

Vaness Henry:31:51

And there's just a different. I don't know. You meet them with a different something. Are you able to see any patterns like that and who you've dated.

Aycee Brown:31:58

Yes, yes, and I am going. I pray that I make a conscious effort to, if this is the case with the men, that they just they get canceled out, like I can't move forward. I'm going to need someone who their mother is alive and they have a good relationship with their mother.

Vaness Henry:32:22

They need a mother.

Aycee Brown:32:24

They need a mother. They have, their mother is alive and they have a good relationship with her. Because, thinking back on my relationships and this person his mother died and I think 2019 and then my long-term relationship his mother would pass and then in a very toxic narcissist relationship. His mother had passed as well okay.

Vaness Henry:32:45

So what a pattern, hey, like, like. What a pattern, hey, like, what a pattern. You're dating these guys with no moms around. What the fuck is that about?

Aycee Brown:32:51

Yeah, so I what is that about? Won't do that again. I mean, it's a lot of unhealed issues that they have.

Vaness Henry:33:01

I'm thinking about your mom because you're the mirror G center. I'm thinking about your relationship with your mom. What comes up there?

Aycee Brown:33:07

I mean just the. Is that solid? No, it's not.

Vaness Henry:33:13

Okay.

Aycee Brown:33:14

Okay, it's not solid, it's um, but there's also been attempts to repair, and that's just. I can't force somebody to do totally their own.

Vaness Henry:33:25

There's an understanding that you have of like let's say, where your parent is at. I've seen this with a lot of people I work with. Once we get to our forties, it's like you almost start thinking of aspects of your parent like they're a child, because it's like that's easier for me to deal with them that way, when I just think of them. They didn't get something that they needed and so developmentally that's where they're at. They're not developmentally a child in all areas of their life, but in this, let's say this area emotional area and like yeah.

Vaness Henry:33:57

And that's not to blame the parent, it's to acknowledge the parent didn't get what they needed in their developmental years, so obviously they can't give me what I need Right, and that's the conversation that I had with my therapist, especially about this last relationship, and with my mom. Yeah.

Aycee Brown:34:16

They don't have the capacity that I have. And I've worked for my capacity. I've worked for my depth, even though I've always had it at a very, very young age.

Vaness Henry:34:27

Yeah, but you want to shape it, carve it out, increase its flexibility. The depth was there, but you wanted to shape it, carve it out, increase its flexibility.

Aycee Brown:34:33

the depth was there but you wanted to take care of it. Yes, so they just don't have that, okay, and and yet they made you.

Vaness Henry:34:40

Yeah, you know, yeah. So there is a bowing energy.

Aycee Brown:34:45

We feel there like, and it's also funny that um this past, him and my mom have the same rising sign. They're both cancer risings. Oh frick, okay, how do we feel about? That I don't deal with cancer, energy and I, I let up, I let us, I let it slide I've been trying to keep track of all your rules for your life.

Vaness Henry:35:07

Here I let it slide, men.

Aycee Brown:35:09

He was a sagittarius and he was a cancer rising. Broke your rules. Broke your rules, broke my rules.

Vaness Henry:35:16

I can't do it again, can't do it again and and won't date mgs and he was an mg so what I'm hearing is everything you're like not that you're gonna put it in a ball and date it, and then you're like wait why?

Aycee Brown:35:29

didn't this go well? I was trying my best to like look past the bias, but now I know that's not going to happen, I will. I can't no more, and no more. And geez are done.

Vaness Henry:35:43

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah, oopsies, sorry, sorry, mgmed.

Aycee Brown:35:47

MGMED. Sorry Oopsies, Sorry Oopsies. I need a generator.

Vaness Henry:35:53

I want to talk about your indirect for a bit, because a light eater is one of the most evolved dietary regimens we have and you've been talking so much. Just in the words that you've been using, I was in a dark space, or I was in the shadows, or that was a dark time, or this concept of darkness. As a light eater, you're going to have a relationship with the shadows. You're going to have a relationship with what is kept hidden.

Aycee Brown:36:21

My black moon, lilith, is in Scorpio and in my 12th house.

Vaness Henry:36:26

So for somebody who doesn't know what that means, what does that mean to you to have your black moon, lilith, in your 12th house in Scorpio?

Aycee Brown:36:31

So Lilith is about power, but Lilith is exalted in Scorpio and it feels at home in Capricorn. So, and then me having my black moon, lilith, in Scorpio and in the 12th house, I have a lot of power. But that power also brings hidden, as people will say, hidden enemies or people who are jealous of me subconsciously and they can't understand why. It's a very intense, very mysterious energy is, of course, it makes me extremely psychic and sensitive. Yeah, the dream realm, my spiritual dimension, is very there.

Vaness Henry:37:19

Um, so it's it's a lot, so let's break it down then, even more simply. For me, lilith Black Moon, lil lilith, this represents a sort of dark, feminine energy. Fair to say, yes. And the 12th house is somewhat of the most mysterious house.

Aycee Brown:37:37

This is the house that represents this could be hospitals to ac, you know, yep, and my first, my first job was at a mental institution, okay perfect example, right?

Vaness Henry:37:47

so it's things that are hidden or subconscious, or our depths. And Scorpio the Scorpion very transmutational sign, water sign, emotional, has lots of depth and so that's all hanging out in that part of your chart. So that's intense.

Aycee Brown:38:05

Very intense.

Vaness Henry:38:06

When it comes to being somebody who is a light eater and how you consume things, your relationship with faith, spirituality, what you believe in, becomes a super nourishing aspect to your life. You know, and when those pieces are missing, sometimes we can become malnourished. I think your design is so fascinating from like, all the colors are very evolved, they're all fives and you have that one six in the indirect and your internal variables are passive but your external are. They're focused. There you have an observed environment style, you have a focus perspective. So it's like the external part of you is pointed and focused and the internal part of you is pointed and focused and the internal part of you is relaxed and receptive.

Vaness Henry:38:52

Do you notice this in your life? Say that again. You said the the internal world is very receptive, it is passive, and the external world and how you kind of express is pointed, specific, focused. Yes, it's like they're not looking at each other. You know she's got this consciousness that can focus and she's got this receptive interior taking things in, absorbing things so right away, I want to point out, but I I feel, though now it's different, because I've learned boundaries.

Aycee Brown:39:31

Yeah, huge for us People with fives. Yeah, right, so I've learned boundaries. If you would have asked me, like five, seven years ago, I would. I would agree more with that, but now I would say I've. I have certain boundaries. So I had to like to change it up, because that internal passiveness of just like woo, everybody's great, that is like uh-uh, like hold on, you can't be going around giving your energy away and like thinking that everyone is really amazing. Yeah, you know. So you.

Vaness Henry:40:11

You know, when I look at your definition, something else I didn't point out was your cross of rulership. This was a fascinating cross. I studied this one a lot and you're defined. You have that barrel or whatever we call it, that style where it's got the solar plexus, the root and the spleen. It's at the base, like that of the design. Yes, you also have, because you have this collection of fives. I have a five as well, but something that I study.

Vaness Henry:40:34

In this I like to use the language of limits. I noticed you're using boundaries, which I think we're saying the same thing, but knowing my limits with things and knowing when I've had enough, and for me and in some people that I've studied, there can be huge fluctuations with weight and I'm now thinking of what you said earlier there's more weight in the spiritual world. I think a lot of the, a lot of us are coming to understand this now that a lot of the weight we carry is not necessarily connected to physical, but the emotional knots and ties we have to other people, where we're just siphoning from them and filling ourselves up carrying their shit and so we become septic, because we're also carrying their energy.

Vaness Henry:41:18

Does this resonate with you?

Aycee Brown:41:21

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and yes, yes and.

Vaness Henry:41:27

How's this show up for you?

Aycee Brown:41:32

And that's where, like earlier, as my emotions got, you know, took over me. That's where the tired comes from. This is what I know for sure. Out of all of, out of all of this that has happened, that has come forth from all of this is number one, that I am a great medium. I'm a great psychic. I am also a great coach, spiritual guide and teacher you're killing it professionally, not, not the way I want to, but oh, okay, well, okay.

Vaness Henry:42:11

But you have that whatever, but you're waiting for your book to come out. You've put albums out, you have the successful podcast. You are celebrated in among your community, like, if you need me to point out all the things, I will. But I hear you that you would like to continue growing, but it's not to buy.

Aycee Brown:42:27

But this is.

Vaness Henry:42:28

I will say that Listen to her, hey, she's not letting you get away with that.

Aycee Brown:42:33

I, because I know that so deeply in my core, now thinking about the weight that I hold and that I have in the spiritual realm.

Vaness Henry:42:49

Yeah.

Aycee Brown:42:50

I also kind of feel that that holds me back in the material world. Oh so, because I know the power that I hold and I have to be there. Well, let me just say this I'm glad that I understand the impact. I understand, I understand the power that I have and if I was doing what I'm doing now in my twenties, I would have been power hungry if I got understood the concept. So now I think I'm just a little bit more careful in how I come across, yes, how I want to work with people, how I care for people, how I can guide people. That is really important to me. To hold people. Or, as our good friend Tao said you know, when he looks at my chart, I am, I will hold you as we go to the fire, like I am going to be raw and uncut with you, but I will hold you. I will create a safe space there, but we're getting into the fire.

Vaness Henry:44:01

Yeah.

Aycee Brown:44:02

So that's where the weight shows up is. That is something that I've had to understand and I'm glad that I've gone through all the experience I have. Everyone's not ready to do that and so, working with me, there has to be a readiness, a willingness, you know, because there's a saying someone can only go as deep with you or whatever, as you've gone for yourself. I've gone deep. So when people work with me, when they are in spaces with me, especially in a coaching and a teaching space, it's not surface because I'm ready to die, I'm ready to go in the ocean because that's where I've been.

Vaness Henry:44:47

Or they meet. They're connecting with you because they want to have help with their career, but what you get to is all the issues in their personal life.

Aycee Brown:44:53

you know, because everything is so graded, oh my gosh it's you know listen listen People be like oh, I came for this and you know my guides are like but what about this? What about this shit? Oh, totally.

Vaness Henry:45:06

Right, I've worked with people too. You know where you're like. I don't do the same thing as you, but we'll, let's say I'm helping them through a time of healing or integrating their variable and wanting to put forth well, this is going on and you don't feel good about it, and we and you want to make a change there, but they're not ready to experiment, like they're not actually in a position where they're ready to make any changes. When I recognize that, I usually like remove myself because for me, I want to have an of our impact comes once we remove our aura.

Vaness Henry:45:36

So sometimes we can't have the effect we want while we are there with the person because it's too much.

Vaness Henry:45:54

Sometimes we need to remove ourselves and then let them have that time to process, absorb, reflect and then they will circle back when they're kind of ready you can't people only ready when they're ready but something that you said that you really made me think and I just want to share it with you. You had said that you know, I felt like I carried a lot of weight in the spiritual world and I interpreted that as like you have, you feel you have a power there, an embodiment there. You know, even though I know it's not fully formed, it's formless, but there's a power there. I have felt that in my life experiences as well. Just of having going through some of these life experiences that other people hadn't gone through, I felt it gave my spirit a sort of seasoning and a flavoring, and I I recognize that not everybody had those experiences so that I felt that sort of weight in the spiritual realm there.

Vaness Henry:46:47

And in hearing you talk about that, what I realized is I don't think I had the awareness or experience of how to actually anchor that into my body and I think that that spiritual weight sometimes can get very confused, or I'm maybe confused. I don't always know how to, how to bring that into the physical. I think I have to learn that and I think I have to learn my limits and I make a lot of mistakes there. But I can't always anchor my spiritual weight and power in my physical. How do you do that?

Aycee Brown:47:21

Meditation. I've realized that definitely alone time, there is a reason why I am comfortable in solitude for sure. Also just understanding that what I go through is a lesson and a blessing for myself and will be for other people. A lesson and a blessing for myself and will be for other people. I feel like at times that you know cause. My grandmother used to say this, her friend used to say this, people around me even. You know. My cousin recently said this to me, which was very you don't realize cause you're living your life how?

Aycee Brown:48:05

much people observe you. And so my cousin we were talking, living your life, how much people observe you, oh yeah. And so my cousin we were talking and she said to me you've always had this gift. You always feel in your body. Why do you second guess it? This has been you since you were a kid. Totally, she's like this is who you are and she, she was just like. I just wish that you continue to grow in your gifts and grow in your talents and don't second guess them, because you're right, you've always been right in the spiritual realm of, like you know me, keeping people away or me. You know cause.

Vaness Henry:48:41

Well, yeah, some of us, the spiritual realm is the more comfortable realm. It's the physical world that's so uncomfortable. We don't know how to navigate.

Aycee Brown:48:49

Right, but that's where it gets doubtful Totally.

Aycee Brown:48:52

You might say you know because, you know, my cousin was like I was telling her about a situation and she was just like, just trust that. Trust that first thing. You don't. You have never been, because and I talk about this in my book you know, when I was not friendly with a person or something, my family would take heed to that. They would notice that and they would be like, oh, she don't mess with them. We got to look out, because that's how in tune I've always been.

Vaness Henry:49:24

So I should you?

Aycee Brown:49:25

Yes, so I have to. I have to continue to trust myself in that and not let people's and this is, and this is subjective when we're talking about the spiritual and the material, because of the weight that I hold and the, the, the, the things that I've been doing to keep myself in good standing in the spiritual world, I can't let the material worlds or people's egos interfere with what my knowing is, and I have done that in the past and that has not fared well for me.

Vaness Henry:50:06

If that makes sense, yeah, it does so what I'm hearing is we've been on a journey. We've been on a journey um, oh jesus you seem so good, you seem great like you're. Like. Every time we come together, you cry, and I'm just very charmed by that. Now I just think, when she comes into my energy, she just needs a little hug and a little cry, and then we're good. I've been crying, though, all day, but I also asked you to come here during pisces season, so like and right and my birthday and I just had like another traumatic experience, like two weeks ago with my family.

Aycee Brown:50:40

Yeah, there's a loss in the family. Yeah, so you're?

Vaness Henry:50:42

going through it. Yeah, needed to get some feelings out, you know all this shit going on. You're like I'm just trying to write my book. I'm just trying to make.

Aycee Brown:50:50

I'm just trying to write, I'm just trying to figure out my life, right, all of that stuff, yeah, yeah, pretty much we're looking ahead for this year.

Vaness Henry:50:57

We're just entering in that kind of bright energy of the year. What are you really wanting for yourself? What are you wanting to experience this year? Oh man, I want to experience visibility, oh love that, because you've been a little away while you've been writing your book. You've been a little away and you're starting to come back online, girl. Yeah.

Aycee Brown:51:17

I want to experience visibility. I want to experience impact. I want to experience love. I want to experience consideration.

Vaness Henry:51:27

What does that look like? Which is the?

Aycee Brown:51:28

highest form of love. I want to experience divine masculine energy in partnership. Yeah, I'm ready for my husband, that's. I'll say that and I'm ready to experience life in a very joyful way. I'm ready to really take care of and provide for myself in a way that I've never had before. I'm ready to be impactful, be visible. I want, you know, since Pluto is transiting my lovely third house and my Mercury is also in Aquarius, I want my words to verb like just vibrate. And to anybody who listens, who hears, who, anybody who stumbles across my words, anybody who works with me in a session, I want to be the person that I've been for myself for so long. I want to do that for other people on a really grand scale. Beautiful, yeah.

Vaness Henry:52:31

Let me tap into your abilities, then. What are you, what are you hoping to see for your pal Nessie?

Aycee Brown:52:37

Honestly, yep.

Aycee Brown:52:40

And this is something that came to me when I was thinking, cause I was saying, when you were talking about six,2 Studios, I really, really want you to utilize that creative energy because I'm like, oh, how can I work with Vanessa?

Aycee Brown:52:56

You know we already talked about you taking over my podcast as my oral straight, but I had some other like visual things that I wanted you to do too, and I really want you to take this media, audio visual thing seriously and for you to create and collaborate with people that can you can help them express what they're feeling inside.

Aycee Brown:53:25

You know cause we did our project together, we did the album, and when I listened to it and what other people listen to, if you haven't listened to it, you can go to my youtube channel, spiritual erotica. It's on there, yeah, spiritual erotica, which I want to do another project, another audio project, with you all, like, I just want you to really step into this shamanic healing space, but I want you to also help other people bring their voices and their vision to life through audio and video. There's a special knack and a special aesthetic that you have that I've always loved, that have has just always moved me, that always just gets me tingly inside and you always hit the nail on the head with it, and I really hope that this time you don't run away from it, that you really move into it and expand it the way that I know you can, and that you build something really great and amazing from it.

Vaness Henry:54:31

Thank you for that. I always love your, always love the way you see me and your projections of me. Thank you so much. I took notes. Ac could do that for you. She could do that for anyone. She could look deep into your soul. Actually, ace, and one of the one of the times you were doing some kind of reading with me and talking about diet and you were like you need nice cuts of meat yeah, but like I always get when I have sessions with people, my guides and people's guides always bring up health.

Vaness Henry:54:59

It is so wild preaching a choir over here, like I totally get it, I'm, I'm a carnivore and like I don't know. I think it has to do with the ego, has to do with taste, like there are these times where I just want nice little meats and so when you said that, I thought it was so funny and on point and I do want to let you know where I live. Now I have a monthly meat order where I have super nice cuts of meats from like local meat Are you getting oh gosh, like it's literally the whole gamut Cause it's whatever the farm offers Okay.

Aycee Brown:55:29

Whatever the farm has.

Vaness Henry:55:31

Yeah, it's called true local. This is a Canada, though, but they always work with, yeah, whatever the local farmers are around you and you get these nice cuts of meat. So that's what I've been doing. I've been doing a chunky meat order for the month, then I have all my meats and then I go and I get the fresh fruits and veggies, because I'm in the Okanagan, so that's where we grow all the fruit, excuse me, food, fruit and stuff. But.

Vaness Henry:55:52

But I'm always on a little bit of a food journey because I can hang on to things and absorb things from other people and I get extremely emotionally involved with what's going on with people, and I'm very upfront about that. So I have very. People are like well, you need to figure out your boundaries, and I'm like, actually, my boundaries are good, I'm just an amoeba, and as an amoeba, I'm going to totally merge with the person. I will even speak in a way like what are we feeling? What are we feeling Because I'm, I'm right there in it with you. And then I need to have my special rituals of unplugging, discharging that energy, and I can do that, but I have to actually just let myself blend, merge, get emotional, get into the experience with people. But when I do that, you are carrying, you're holding some of their spiritual weight with them, and as somebody who has a touch sense in my environment, I can pick up things and keep them.

Vaness Henry:56:47

And so something I want to point out in your environment, sense, your taste, the way you navigate your taste comes into play, and so sometimes this might show up as like speaking is really good, so podcasts or or or anything with with that kind of art form, but also what are the spaces where your natural talents come alive? And also, if you have that sense in your environment, depending on the valleys you go in, you're always going to be snacking on the energy that's in there. So if I don't want to be eating anymore, but I can't help it I'm not even hungry, but I'm eating. What's going on with those people? I'm kind of consuming it in some way. Just something to think about, because as you interact with people, you might have these feelings of fullness after yeah, no, does that happen to you?

Aycee Brown:57:34

Yeah, I will agree with that.

Vaness Henry:57:36

What does that feel like in the body then? Because it would be almost like you were eating, but you're not, it feels very good.

Aycee Brown:57:42

It feels very good. You think about who you could be filled by right Going and having an exchange with someone.

Aycee Brown:57:48

Yeah, when I think about that and I think about it from a platonic and a romantic, but I think about it and I'll talk about both from a platonic way, which I get that from you I walk away feeling full, feeling energized, feeling like I can conquer the world, feeling very. It's not external validation. I want to be very clear. It's not external validation. It is a confirmation of your already knowing, affirming. So it feels it's a more affirming and it feels more weighted, blanket.

Vaness Henry:58:26

Oh, that's what Tao says to me.

Aycee Brown:58:28

I don't know why he keeps coming up but yeah. It feels weighted blanket, like, okay, the same thing with romantic relationships when there's a filling up and you have like an exchange with someone and it's clear, it feels like a weighted blanket. Yeah, it feels like a weighted blanket. It feels so safe, so feels like a weighted blanket. Yeah, it feels like a weighted blanket. It feels so safe, so secure, all of that. It just feels like a weighted blanket. That's beautiful.

Vaness Henry:58:55

That's beautiful. Thank you for that. So it sounds like we're going into an exciting time, ac. We're doing lots of processing. We're very much on their journey, doing the work, reevaluating the life experiences, and this is a lifelong thing. There are chapters that are low, there are chapters of peaks and valleys, basically, and you're doing your best to kind of navigate this. You're in a very exciting time, like that's what I hear.

Vaness Henry:59:21

I get, that there's lots of emotions that can come with that, but you're an emotional projector, yeah, so I think that's like par for the course. You know not to the point where it derails you, but it never derails you. You, at this point, know how to take care of yourself. You know how to put yourself in your process. You know your triggers. You know to go to your therapist, you know to phone a friend. Yeah, you've learned so much that sometimes it's like oh, I, I think I'm one way because I remember how I was, but I, I notice this a lot in my life right now, ac.

Vaness Henry:59:54

But then when I look around, where am I now? So like for me, all my friends are writing books and I sometimes forget oh, that's the company I keep, all my friends are writing books now? That's where we are now. Oh, I'm being flown out for their book event. That's where we are now. Oh, I'm being flown out for their book event. That's where we are now. But in my world I'm like well, I don't have a book, so that's not me. But actually, let's just look at where you are now, though. So, when you do that AC, when you look around you and you look at your peers and the people who adore you, what are you seeing? Where are you?

Aycee Brown:1:00:26

This is a hard question, and it's a hard question because, in my experience, I have never looked at my peers. It was almost always about my journey because, like I said, I grew up in a family. I literally, on both sides I'm the only person that does not have a brother or sister. So my experience, my vision has always been where do I fit in?

Vaness Henry:1:00:56

Okay, but if you want to see where you fit in and we can't see ourselves, that's why our surroundings are so important. So you look around at your peers and look around at whose books you're reading, who's sending you their books? Notice all that. Yes, what do you see? Where are you? You're making this face, but you guys, just you, just where are you?

Aycee Brown:1:01:18

I'm in the mix, but not sure where in the mix. Yet how often does somebody send you their book to read.

Vaness Henry:1:01:23

But how often does somebody send you their book to read?

Aycee Brown:1:01:27

I mean now I'm getting books a lot more like. So that's where you are 20 people who from like just sounds true, Like that, I'm like interviewing just alone. Like 20 people from sounds true.

Vaness Henry:1:01:43

AC. So just so, look at that. That's where you are now. Look at all these people, these elite, these famous people that you're surrounded by. At what point are you going to self-reflect and go maybe I'm in good company if I'm in that company I know I'm in good company, but it always goes maybe that's where I am now. It's hard to see where we are.

Aycee Brown:1:02:06

Yeah, and my Neptune's in my first house. So you can't see shit. You can't see shit, I can't see shit.

Vaness Henry:1:02:11

That's why it's so valuable for who you have around you and what? What they're showing you, where they're at, like you're in their company. You know if what your peers are like, who you have bonds with. I'm not talking about the people on the peripheral, but the people you have bonds with, the people you collaborate with, the people you're invested in, for whatever reason you're with them. You know what I mean.

Vaness Henry:1:02:34

And where are you all going? And I think we sometimes miss that. Like it can be very valuable to look at the company you keep and look at what they're doing and know that you're affected by that and know that you're in the mix. I'm in the mix.

Aycee Brown:1:02:46

It doesn't matter if I can't always be here. Of course you're in the fucking mix. I'm definitely in the mix. I'm definitely in the mix, but it's okay to want more. I think for me and this is going to sound very interesting, okay, I'm so excited. I've always been in the mix, yeah, but I always have felt like oh my God, what's it going to be?

Aycee Brown:1:03:09

The emotional projector making me wait, that I haven't arrived yet, but I've always been in the mix, so you're looking for the pinnacle point, that point you've got to reach to. Yes, how do you feel like.

Vaness Henry:1:03:19

So what do you know what that point is? Is that holding your book in your hand? Maybe Is it hugging me.

Aycee Brown:1:03:25

Maybe it's hugging you. Maybe it's me reading out a line for me, yeah, I think for me it's the impact that I want my book to have. Yeah, the goals that I have for my book, the propelling platform that I want to build off of my book. Love that. I want more books. You know what I mean.

Vaness Henry:1:03:47

Like love that. So, while I was talking to Rachel, the book writing process that she and I had shared we're both very strategic using your blog posts, you know it was like I've written this over a year. The posts are written, I'm now going to accumulate it. That's not necessarily the same experience for someone who's receptive, so well no, because I don't have that.

Aycee Brown:1:04:07

This is all the dome piece and so not so.

Vaness Henry:1:04:11

I think it's a good example of a receptive and a strategic approach to something like this. We can all do the same thing, so what was your way of approaching and organizing that, and can you leave us with that? How are you?

Aycee Brown:1:04:22

putting your lexapro and therapy. What is that's?

Vaness Henry:1:04:27

what's lexapro? What's?

Aycee Brown:1:04:28

lexapro. Lexapro is and of ssri, oh, serotonin, uh, antidepressant, pretty much. Um, that's what lexapro and therapy every week are you still? Microdosing? Hell. No, you can't do that at the same time. That's what I was gonna say. How did the microdosing experience go? The micro dosing experience. I will say this and I will, and people may not like this, and this is coming from a spiritual person, whatever, whatever yeah, if you are in a dark place or you feel yourself going into a dark place, do not microdose.

Aycee Brown:1:05:05

No, get your ass on a antidepressant, because did it help? Where there are some sparks of enlightenment and euphoric, like clarity, yes, but I don't. I feel like microdosing has its place for certain things. I just don't think it's for when you're having these and, like I said, depression. I'm. I mean, I needed the Lexapro for a period of time. I'm right now on a very small dose which I'm weaning myself off because you have to wean yourself off of it very, very slowly. So by my therapist and I, we decided like I'm going to start lowering my dose. I'm only on 10 milligrams, so I'm going to go to five milligrams next month and then stay on that for like three months and like wean myself off of it by like September. So yeah, micro dosing was fun. It was a cute little holistic thing, but I truly believe that for me it helped, but it didn't help.

Vaness Henry:1:06:16

I get it. You've got to be like I'm going to go the shamanic perspective on this. You've got to be so aware with things like that because if you are in a state where your spirit is lowered for whatever reason, for whatever reason and you are using any type of material that is going to alter your conscious state.

Vaness Henry:1:06:33

you are then in a susceptible place where, from a spirit perspective, you are potentially welcoming things to come up to the surface that you may not be equipped or ready to navigate and it could, but this is with any kind of anything that's going to alter like booze is going to do that. A medication could do that. Anything is going to potentially alter where the inner demons that we have can rise to the surface and then almost take control of things. We could call this our not self.

Vaness Henry:1:07:06

We could call this kind of whatever, but sometimes we need the experience to alter the brainwave or create the new neural pathway, and that's why it can be supportive to do it with a practitioner or whatever. But anytime yes, anytime we're altering the conscious state. You want. You just want to be aware because of what can happen on a spiritual, if you've got to tear it in the fabric of your aura, right, and you're wanting to medicate and you, you shift your consciousness, you are inviting different type of energy to come in.

Aycee Brown:1:07:39

you know so it's just good to be aware. It's good to be aware and, of course and we talk about spirits dealing with coming off of that traumatic experience with another person's dark energy, dark spirit, and then going to micro dosing.

Vaness Henry:1:07:52

it was like oh no, yeah, I can understand that I needed stability, exactly.

Aycee Brown:1:07:58

Yeah, and that's what the lexa pro did. It gave me stability, actually, like when it came to readings and stuff like that. It actually made my reading stronger and because I didn't have that cloud of interference there I think we all have to go on our own journey when it comes to yeah, healing our bodies the things that we use.

Vaness Henry:1:08:19

But I'm really big about, like I'm very into having the practitioner for what it, whether it's an accountant. My therapist was yeah, therapist against the micro dosing.

Aycee Brown:1:08:32

She actually does not believe in it. She's one of those. She considers herself like an old school, like her practitioner. She's like no, I'd rather you go to a place that's monitored, that has therapists, shamanic healers, and you go for a week, you do it all and you get it out. That was her thing. She was very against the microdosing because she was like no, I'd rather you go somewhere where you're sitting there, you're in the supportive environment and you do it for a week and then that's it.

Vaness Henry:1:09:04

And you know what? I've worked with the people who have been microdosing and they have it in their tea every morning and they're going on little journeys and it works for them. So I do, I think it is it works, it wasn't for me. Mushrooms give you exactly what you need, because there's a time where I've had them and I'm laying in the sunshine laughing on my bed for three hours like folding the laundry.

Aycee Brown:1:09:22

Yes, it's a cute little thing, but no. But then it's a cute little thing, but no. I need a stability.

Vaness Henry:1:09:26

Then there's the time I do it and I'm spending three hours crying in my kid's bed while he's gone to sleep over, and I'm like what am I doing with my life?

Vaness Henry:1:09:34

I'm going to give you what you need, but it's like I don't do I do I have the capacity to handle that right now. Do I want to have a three hour crying session? Do you know what I mean? Correct, I got to just evaluate, but I am as as somebody who works in the shamanic arts.

Vaness Henry:1:09:48

A huge part of that is altering the consciousness with some kind of plant material that is cross-culturally. You find that in a lot of studies. So I think that there is definitely a relationship that has to be had there and I do think, working with plant medicine in the way that works for you, whether that's teas, whether that's ingesting of any kind, or whether that is, um, ground up and ingesting it and kind of a pill form, whatever there's a magic that can happen there. Oh, there is a medicine that can happen there. It's just always got to be met with respect. It's got to be met with respect. So thank you for thank you for coming on this chit chat today. I always love chatting with you and love when you cry with me oh my god, I feel like every podcast, if she doesn't cry, have I done my job?

Vaness Henry:1:10:37

no, I'm just kidding, but I'm charmed by it and I like it and thank you for opening up and letting yourself be that way, because it's very impactful on the emotional projector.

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