No. 3 - Instant Urge
Vaness Henry: 0:01
I just had a cool thing happen that I want to share with you. I recently did the palate cleanse in the club and one of the infusions in that experiment is to create a brand new soundtrack for the season of life that you're in, and through so much of the sound production that I have gotten into in recent seasons, the music I've been listening to is not necessarily what is on publicly adored airwaves, you know. It's not necessarily what is even like streaming on iTunes or on the radio, nothing like that. I do a lot of my song licensing through Soundstripe or Epidemic and these are platforms where people put music available for people to use in like podcasts, youtube series. It's like you can pay to license it and use it.
Vaness Henry: 1:08
You know, and something that I had learned in college, which was a surprise to me, you know, I was a young baby, 18 year old, when I was in college, something that I learned was like it was illegal to use like Britney Spears' song in your little video or whatever you know. And when I was in college, media was still relatively I should say online media was still relatively infantile, like we were still establishing rules and how that was all going to work and like there was no such thing as memes. You know what I mean. Like it was, it was. It was still a digital era, but it was more primitive than where we are now, and it was just surprising to me to learn, like, how many things I had done as a kid that were like quote, unquote, illegal. You know, like here's my little home video and I'm dancing to Britney Spears. Now that little home video would be online and like I wouldn't be able to like necessarily have that song playing. I mean, I guess you can. Now it's kind of. It's kind of funny. It's kind of come full circle, cause, like now, right in Instagram, you can set a song to like your reel or your story or whatever.
Vaness Henry: 2:15
But I've also, like shared things online, where then, like I've shared things on Instagram before, where then I get this weird alert that's like you're not allowed to play this song in your country and I'm like, oh right, this old thing. Anyway, anyway, long winded, roundabout way of getting where I want to be here, I did this challenge and I have recently created a new soundtrack for myself for the season as part of this palate cleanse, cause we're ingesting so much more than just food, and I was feeling bold because I had recently started to. I mean, I was craving doing another kind of video project like HD IRL, and so I had gone and watched that series and the music just brought me right back to a time you know, and my husband, derek, and I opened up six to studio recently, which is our podcast production company where we'll do podcast editing for people who have shows, because it's it's not that simple thing to do, even though it seems like it might be simple, and it's also very time consuming. And my husband loves sound and I have a background in sound, and so we had, as we had started working together, we were like, let's just like, this is fun for him. He's going to start a new career because he's left his career in construction through his roof process and this is what he's been doing for his like fun hobby, as an outlet, so like, hey, you can make a living doing that generator. You know what I mean. We see that experience sometimes. And, um, we decided to do that together. We had already been doing it, but we decided to like, just like, let people know we were doing it, cause we had already accumulated all these things we were doing and we would one-off, do projects with people, and then we were just like, let's just create the structure and how we would want to do that anyway. Oh my God, all these little. I'm going on all these little roundabout little paths today, but I will get to my point. Maybe all these, maybe this is all contributing to my point.
Vaness Henry: 4:19
So I was making the soundtrack. So I was making the soundtrack for myself and because I felt so good revisiting some past projects, I decided to use some of my licensed music and put them into the playlists on iTunes that I was building, and so it was like mixed in with, like you know, great music that had given me a hit, like, let's say, something by Justin Bieber, but then also an old soundtrack by Whitney. But then I also had current stuff, like Liquid Fig from Jasmine Nenna, who was formerly known as Jazz Moon when she was doing DJing more prominently, and some of the tracks that I had used in some of my past projects, like my HDIRL soundtrack, like the theme song in On the Roof, and even a couple of these podcast productions that I had created with people. So I was settling into my office and I was going to go into a zone of making content. I was going to make a bunch of marketing material that I was going to go into a zone of making content. I was going to make a bunch of marketing material that I was going to be need coming up and I was going to need to energize, to have the energy available to do that, to execute that.
Vaness Henry: 5:35
And so I go in my office I had just been pacing outside in the sunshine. I come inside, I go in my office, I close my door, I put on Vanessa's station on my Sonos and boom, this, oh this like feel good writhing kind of song comes on that we had used in the get wet series, which was a podcast I produced for Jasmine Kenna when we had the spacious app, and this was like a very kind of sacral pleasure let's talk about sex and new ways kind of podcast, led by this two, four MG who's just like the most charming little pickle. You know what I mean. But then having these conversations that were going to make you blush and it was one of the first projects that um Derek and I collaborated on in like a new way that was just like this is fun, let's just have fun, let's do this differently. And so, all of a sudden, this song comes on, like I hit, play, let's go and oof.
Vaness Henry: 6:35
This sacral pleasure song comes on, ripples through me, instant urge, instant urge. I can feel my body moving. I'm suddenly instant urge. I can feel my body moving. I'm suddenly flooded with memories of like being a performer in past lives. Growing up, I was a dancer, grew up on the stage. As a young adult, I was a musician, fell in love with the stage and as an adult I was a motivational speaker and learned the value of the stage. So this real life experience on the stage and it's also just cute being a six line, you know, and thinking about it that way and I kind of was having these memories of well, how did I prepare myself when I was about to go on stage?
Vaness Henry: 7:20
Because it takes quite a bit of courage to get up in front of a hundred people, a thousand people, and declare something or do something. You know, like sometimes it was just singing, like, if you think about it, the heart it takes to like put yourself out there and be like like this ballsy. You know what I mean. I like to I'm trying to say like instead of ballsy, and like making it about the testicles. I'm trying to like, talk about courage, like from the heart, like, take some, take some heart to do that. You know, something I'm working on at the present time, the time of this capture.
Vaness Henry: 7:56
Anyway, anyway, as I will, as I was here, I was reflecting on how I'd psych myself up to go on stage and I always had little rituals I would do, and they followed me from all my life experience, and one of the primary rituals was I always need to um, um, see the site I'm going to be performing at before I'm actually performing. I can't just show up and do something. Um, you know, going to Rachel Lieberman's book event, um, in this, at this bookstore in Portland. I had was very adamant with her. I'm going to need to see the space that we're going to be performing in before I get there. How can I make that happen? Kind of thing which is, which was, was no problem whatsoever.
Vaness Henry: 8:44
I reflected on, you know, speaking in a gymnasium to a bunch of kids, um, to going on camera for the Canadian Cancer Society for, you know, awareness Month in April. Or singing at a concert as a string of different bands who were performing, or even performing in like people's basements, like house band, you know um, or getting on stage at Canadian idol and doing that whole thing Like that was a different perspective of type of people that were going to be watching you. That was a neat experience and I'm glad I had. That was all I always needed to see where I was going to be before I performed in order to have the heart and confidence to knock it out of the park. And in the experiences I had where I wasn't able to be prepared in that way, I didn't perform as well. So now I can I know I can perform without that preparation, but I like to offer that myself so I can show up and really do the best that I can do preparation, but I like to offer that myself so I can show up and really do the best that I can do.
Vaness Henry: 9:49
I also would psych myself up with certain music. I'd have to get psych myself up, I have to get my body in a certain vibe in order to be able to perform. Even if I was, I would often like kind of go to an event and I was the keynote speaker, let's say, and there would be a series of things that would happen before my talk. So it was as if I would need to psych myself up beforehand. Um, so I actually needed to be quite calm before and then have a very intentional moment of like calling my spirits and I'm going to do a thing. And now I need to kind of go in peace mode and carry myself so almost robotically as I maintain this kind of energy so that I can go and perform on the stage. It's really quite a. It's quite a, I'm sure, all kinds of people, depending on on how they perform with the stage. I'm sure that there is a certain type of rituals they do in order to gather the courage to go do that and put yourself out there in that way before people. And it made me just think of this concept of facilitating, providing myself with an urge, with an energy charge and sustenance to go out and harness my energy in a certain way and manifest at will, which I think would be a unique experience to the ego manifester. But I have said before, I'm not, I'm not convinced that every manifester out there can't do this in their own way with their urges. But of course I I you know, I can only kind of speak to my experience about that. So it's been neat in recent years to be able to summon an urge and to know exactly what to do, to gather my spirits in a way to do whatever it is. I have the will to do in that moment and now, with everything I've learned about being a high sound person and to have set up these little treats for myself in my life. In a way, I come into my office and I get ready to kind of, okay, I'm going to do a thing, let's just put some music on. And then this song that takes me, a song that I've selected, that I've found that I've now associated with a really feel a good experience group of people, time in my life. It comes on, it transports me through the shore back into that life, gives me all that nourishment. I'm empowered. Let's go. I'm ready to perform, I'm ready to do whatever the thing is I'm going to do, which, in this moment, was going to be just to design some cute things as an outlet. But then I decided I'm going to turn on my mic because I'm feeling it in the moment and that's what I want insights to be. So here we are. Here we are and I'm having so much fun. I'm having so much fun, so I'm just thankful to myself for setting up that highly nutritious soundtrack, cause each song that comes on is such. I have this little moment of like oh yes, this song which feels so good to experience in the body, and then I'm in that vibe for the whole urge of and the creation of whatever it is I'm putting my energy into and then, through my shores, touch, sense, when I finally share and release that with the other. It's my intention that they will feel all that energy I was in and was and was playing with at the time of creation. I'm able to pass that feel good energy on it's. It's made me want to be very intentionable, intentional, excuse me, about the space I'm in when I'm doing a thing you know, and being real about like, hey, I actually can't show up because I'm not in the right space, I'm not in the right vibe, not feeling my best, and so I don't have to perform. You know, because I don't. I don't want to leave people with something that I'm not intending to leave them with. I want to be very intentional about what I hope to leave them with, because you can't control how they're going to receive it on the other end, but you can control how you feel about it when you're in the delivery process and I want to feel good because I want to do my best in passing that type of thing on, and so now I just feel like fun, what I'm. I like that experiment. That's a core experiment for me now, because now that I've just given myself that high quality nourishment through a soundtrack, I can take that with me into future seasons. And I've still got this whole bank of feel good energy that I can call upon at any time, because from season to season certain music will land differently for me. You know, like there's certain things that really feel good or I can really be caught Like something was a really feel good song that I was taking in, and then the relationship with that person changed or something. And then that song comes on and even though it was originally associated with this feel good feeling, it also now also comes with all the additional feelings that that person associated with it comes with. And so sometimes that can make me very sentimental. I'm getting so sentimental. I'm getting so sentimental as I get older. I mean I have to have a moment and feel my feelings. You know like, ooh, I can bring a tear to my eye and I can. And then, if that happens to me in my life. Now I'm just like I'm crying. You know, I just kind of let it happen. I think it's funny and then I feel whatever it is. I'm feeling there. The other day I was, um, either, derek and I had mushrooms in our fridge for like maybe a couple of years, oh my God. And I I adjusted them recently and I don't know if they're expired as I'm saying this, but we were like you know, it'd be fun, let's clean the house and eat those chocolate mushrooms. There's two little Reese pieces chocolate mushroom things in there. Let's have those. And they say mushroom gives you exactly what you need when you know when you're having them. And so I had quite the experience cleaning my house that day. But there was this moment where I was just like what if I was just put on this earth to annoy Derek? That was just fun, what would that feel like? And so then I was in that for a bit and we were laughing so hard I then couldn't stop laughing Like he was just trying to make the bed. You know, he was just trying to put the sheets on. Then I was like I'm going to lay on the bed. He was like what are you doing. And then I was just being a little silly butthead you know what I mean Like being a little brat and being like a little kid energy, it was so fun. And so then he's like out of here and I'm laying in the sheets in the sunlight laughing and I'm laughing so hard, I'm bawling, like I'm bawling at this point. And, um, I was like, wow, I'm doing the same breath pattern as I would be if I was sobbing really hard from being sad. I'm getting the same healing nourishment out of this and I'm laughing, you know. Wow, thank you, mushrooms. What a teaching. You know what I mean. I can receive the same healing through laughter as I can through crying. I don't know that everybody would agree with that, but what my body showed me is that was true. I remember there was a woman I worked with for a time named Ashley Neese, and she was putting a book out called how to Breathe and it was a breathwork book. And I remember when I when I got her book and was reading and trying and experimenting with breathwork and I noticed some of the patterns that she was having us go into were patterns that are naturally found in real life. One of them, one of these breath patterns was crying. You know, like that kind of breath that you do when you're in deep emotion is certain breathwork patterns to release certain types of frequencies, and you know when you're laughing really hard you're doing the same thing. See, there it is. It's the same type of thing and I was. I was just kind of feeling that, on mushrooms in the sunlight, in the sheets, as I was laughing at being a brat and annoying my husband for the sheer delight of just being a brat and him laughing at me and then trying to annoy me back, and just two egos just being little brats together, bathing in the sunlight with the white sheets all around. I'm just laughing my heart out, bawling, bawling, getting some big healing, big clearing from it. So the teaching I chose to take from that experience was I can receive just as powerful a healing through laughter as I can through calling up my emotions that are sad, and I think I've been playing with that for a long time now. And and learning through play, I really try to um, get rid of the language of like, let's work on this, and I say things like let's play with this. It's still sacral energy. I'm still coming at it the same way, but I've centered pleasure instead of work and I've I've re-centered the life force there, and so I got all this from this song that I used in Jasmine Kenna's podcast Get Wet, which is no longer available. It was just a limited time thing that we did on the Spacious app, which was this human design experiment I did with seven others. We came together for a year, make a bunch of art and see what we learn and learn I did. It was some of the most valuable experiments I ever did and this song was the song that I loved, and the came on and gave me this little urge that I'm going to go use now and that I'm just kind of dropping this insight in. This is what I'm listening to.
